What did rock bottom look like for you?
My Rock Bottom, should I share it on here, is basically a list of ways that something I'd once loved (alcohol ) had started to make my life unmanageable, and that my alcoholism had turned me into someone I disliked and was ashamed to be. I was pretty much there for a long, long time, and then one night something happened (that had happened before on various ways) but I knew it'd been a closer call than usual. My getting away with it was NOT going to last forever. The next morning I knew that my entire facade of Okay was starting to crack and crumble. I thought I was heading off into sobriety to fix the cracks in my facade, but luckily I found my was to AA and started to learn that what was inside was actually better than my false exterior anyway, and the people there helped me, and I helped myself through my 12-step recovery work, to deconstruct that false, hard exterior, and deal with all, that shame and fear and anger that would have previously made that impossible or unthinkable for me.
You know, maybe you would find it more useful to listen to what people say when they're talking about how their rock bottom list made them feel, and how they managed to turn it around. In AA we call that 'living in the solution '. Sure , we have to glance back occasionally, but it's like driving. If we spend to much time looking at where we are before we set off, chances are we'll never leave the driveway. And once we get going, if we spend too much time looking in the rear view mirror, we're in danger of crashing. Better to look to where we want to be. Once I'd found some people who had the sobriety I wanted for myself, I tailgate them. I didn't ask them to keep pulling over and argue map work with them, or suggest different routes to them - after all, My Way had got me pretty lost in the past. I just keep going the same direction as them by doing what they do. Now I don't need to tailgate them, as I've learned from them what to do. But they're still there, keeping an eye out and will give me a shout if I look like I'm about to go the wrong way. And in dealing with life on life's terms, of course there are often diversions. And if I'm not sure if the best route, then they're top of my list to discuss alternative routes with if I need to change something in my life. Those people I tailgate? Wel, many of them can be found on these forums. I have often asked for, and got, good sound advice through private messaging someone on here whose judgement I respect and trust. And of course, my sponsor and friends in AA. I had a tough time at work dealing with a colleague yesterday afternoon and still felt 'rattled' by it. Luckily for me, that was a night I go to a meeting where some other teachers go, and I could talk it through with them, doing a kind of mini-verbal inventory. The relief I got from that was so valuable. If i hadn't gone I'd have spent the night tossing and turning in bed worrying about it, and woken up still rattled and waste the whole day worrying more about it. But it is dealt with now. Sorted. Those people I spoke to both had very diffrent rock bottoms to me, and to each other. And that didn't matter a jot.
So. How does alcohol make YOUR life unmanageable. How does it affect Your Relationships (are you emotionally available for family and loved ones. Do you honour your friends and loved ones through your actions? Can people feel they can rely on you? ); Your Finances; Your Home; Your Performance at work; Your self respect; Your reputation (and if you're getting away with things at the moment, how could it be affected if your facade were to crumble?) ; Your peace of mind; Your self care (many of us start letting our personal hygiene slip - I always had impeccable make up and fancy clothes, but showering and laundry were a but of a diffrent matter at times ) ; Your ability to behave in ways that you think are right and good and true? (I used to have very high moral standards - but only for other poeple to adhere to. My own were pretty shocking, even to me).
I would suggest answering those questions honestly to yourself. And then considering that whatever the state of play now, things are only likely to get worse if you continue drinking. You can put down the shovel and stop digging deeper any time you choose. But if and when you do, please start looking at a plan to get back out of that hole and back into the light of recovery. It's cold and dark where we end up. White-knuckling sobriety is like stopping digging but staying in the hole. There are plenty of people who you can tailgate right out of there if you ask for a tow line.
Wishing you all, the best, whatever you decide for yourself.
You know, maybe you would find it more useful to listen to what people say when they're talking about how their rock bottom list made them feel, and how they managed to turn it around. In AA we call that 'living in the solution '. Sure , we have to glance back occasionally, but it's like driving. If we spend to much time looking at where we are before we set off, chances are we'll never leave the driveway. And once we get going, if we spend too much time looking in the rear view mirror, we're in danger of crashing. Better to look to where we want to be. Once I'd found some people who had the sobriety I wanted for myself, I tailgate them. I didn't ask them to keep pulling over and argue map work with them, or suggest different routes to them - after all, My Way had got me pretty lost in the past. I just keep going the same direction as them by doing what they do. Now I don't need to tailgate them, as I've learned from them what to do. But they're still there, keeping an eye out and will give me a shout if I look like I'm about to go the wrong way. And in dealing with life on life's terms, of course there are often diversions. And if I'm not sure if the best route, then they're top of my list to discuss alternative routes with if I need to change something in my life. Those people I tailgate? Wel, many of them can be found on these forums. I have often asked for, and got, good sound advice through private messaging someone on here whose judgement I respect and trust. And of course, my sponsor and friends in AA. I had a tough time at work dealing with a colleague yesterday afternoon and still felt 'rattled' by it. Luckily for me, that was a night I go to a meeting where some other teachers go, and I could talk it through with them, doing a kind of mini-verbal inventory. The relief I got from that was so valuable. If i hadn't gone I'd have spent the night tossing and turning in bed worrying about it, and woken up still rattled and waste the whole day worrying more about it. But it is dealt with now. Sorted. Those people I spoke to both had very diffrent rock bottoms to me, and to each other. And that didn't matter a jot.
So. How does alcohol make YOUR life unmanageable. How does it affect Your Relationships (are you emotionally available for family and loved ones. Do you honour your friends and loved ones through your actions? Can people feel they can rely on you? ); Your Finances; Your Home; Your Performance at work; Your self respect; Your reputation (and if you're getting away with things at the moment, how could it be affected if your facade were to crumble?) ; Your peace of mind; Your self care (many of us start letting our personal hygiene slip - I always had impeccable make up and fancy clothes, but showering and laundry were a but of a diffrent matter at times ) ; Your ability to behave in ways that you think are right and good and true? (I used to have very high moral standards - but only for other poeple to adhere to. My own were pretty shocking, even to me).
I would suggest answering those questions honestly to yourself. And then considering that whatever the state of play now, things are only likely to get worse if you continue drinking. You can put down the shovel and stop digging deeper any time you choose. But if and when you do, please start looking at a plan to get back out of that hole and back into the light of recovery. It's cold and dark where we end up. White-knuckling sobriety is like stopping digging but staying in the hole. There are plenty of people who you can tailgate right out of there if you ask for a tow line.
Wishing you all, the best, whatever you decide for yourself.
You speak of choice and not sure you have one.........With regards to alcohol I had lost the power of choice. The details of why, how and self justification became irrelevant.
I had mentally and physically lost the decision to drink or not. IT just was - everyday. That insidious insanity was my bottom.
Today I have regained the power of choice. Don't pick up that first drink and I never have to concern myself with the consequences of drinking. It's the engine that kills me - not the caboose..............
I have had that choice now for over two years - you can as well, I am nothing special. Seek the help you need. It will change your life forever.
I had mentally and physically lost the decision to drink or not. IT just was - everyday. That insidious insanity was my bottom.
Today I have regained the power of choice. Don't pick up that first drink and I never have to concern myself with the consequences of drinking. It's the engine that kills me - not the caboose..............
I have had that choice now for over two years - you can as well, I am nothing special. Seek the help you need. It will change your life forever.
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Rock bottom for me was sort of a gift in disguise. I wouldn't have stopped otherwise. I ignored the side pain, the throwing up, the 25 pounds lost over a short period. I kept setting dates to stop, but I was afraid of withdrawal. I've stopped before and had no effects (earlier). If you can still stop at that point, I encourage it. At the end, even alcohol wasn't "helping".
I experienced this. Accepting that I was powerless and my life was unmanageable was doable because nothing I did [specifically, drinking more and more and more vodka] worked anymore, to accomplish anything.
A man in my home group says, very often and I think alot of us need the reminder even after we have stopped drinking - "that sh*t don't work! It is a simple logic problem: drinking, getting high, that used to work. But when it stopped getting me the effect I wanted - that was a problem I can solve." He goes on to say it's not easy, it took a long time to get over the actual "drinkin' and druggin'" as he calls it, but his point is that our solution to [insert whatever it is here] stops working.
And that's when we stop. Or we don't.
[Oh, and what BerryBean so incredibly eloquently said. Worth re-reading for all of us. I could bold and italicize so much of it. Thanks, BB - I had some emotionally rocky stuff over the last week and I both did and did not seek my support. It would have been an easier week if I had consistently asked for help. Re-shoring myself up, so to speak, now. **
Girlfriend dumped me and I hadn't worked for a few years. Got a 5'th DUI. Living with my brother at 53 years old. I have enough money to pay cash for a nice house but lack the "ambition". Rock Bottom came after a hearing for the DUI-yep I got drunk. Woke up in a cold sweat panicked. I was thinking I really couldn't stop drinking.
Hi Smilax. I was similar to you. Didn't drink everyday, had a good career, degrees under my belt, blah blah it all looks great on paper/to the outsider. But alcohol was slowly taking over my life; it's what I looked forward to even though I really no longer found joy in drinking bc I did it by myself and got drunk enough to be hungover most of the next day. No health or legal problems. BUT, I hated my life.
I was able to quit seven months ago and stay sober with AA and the support of SR. The obsession to drink has been removed, and the freedom I have is amazing.
Here's one way to think about it: you can continue to drink and know that things will get worse (bc alcohol is a progressive disease). You may start to loose things like your good health, job, home, etc. at that point, do you think it will be easier to quit drinking than it is now? I'd say you've got good sense to know drinking now isn't going to make your life better. I can guarantee you if you stop now and give yourself a chance to recover your life will be better than you can imagine. That I know from experience!
Sending you all the best 😀
I was able to quit seven months ago and stay sober with AA and the support of SR. The obsession to drink has been removed, and the freedom I have is amazing.
Here's one way to think about it: you can continue to drink and know that things will get worse (bc alcohol is a progressive disease). You may start to loose things like your good health, job, home, etc. at that point, do you think it will be easier to quit drinking than it is now? I'd say you've got good sense to know drinking now isn't going to make your life better. I can guarantee you if you stop now and give yourself a chance to recover your life will be better than you can imagine. That I know from experience!
Sending you all the best 😀
After three years, I convinced myself that my rock bottom of spending a week in the hospital to get brought back to life after a year of around the clock maintenence drinking wasn't that bad. I heard worse stories. I knew people who didn't make it out. So I used that comparison as an excuse to start drinking again. Seven months later, after already surviving two benders where I had multiple seizures from mixing large quantities of sleeping pills with large quantities of liquor, I planned my last hurrah. I bought booze after several weeks of anxiety and depression. I mixed it with my anxiety meds. I discovered that I lost two days, and the cops were at my door to perform a welfare check because I hadn't answered the phone or come to the door in days. After another two days of maintenence drinking, and having already thrown away every ounce of goodwill offered to me, my sister flew out here to keep me from dying. She was not prepared for what she saw. Don't ever do that to yourself. Nevermind the other person, family, nurse, EMT, who has to look at you fighting to keep your legs under you, don't turn into something that you can't look at in the mirror.
I'm now back to a little over four months sober, and I know that a drink will kill me. It might be the 300th drink, but it could just as likely be the first drink. So I have removed the possibility of death by drink, and won't let that first one pass my lips. I'm happier than I have ever been in my almost 40 years on this planet.
I'm now back to a little over four months sober, and I know that a drink will kill me. It might be the 300th drink, but it could just as likely be the first drink. So I have removed the possibility of death by drink, and won't let that first one pass my lips. I'm happier than I have ever been in my almost 40 years on this planet.
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