I wish it were physical
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Originally Posted by fripfrop 
Thank you Opivotal, I do feel guilty
And I don't basically think that "we alcoholics" are selfish..therefore I can't connect to men from 70 years ago and their experiences (ie AA founders)
But my drinking was selfish.
And you are right, I have to forgive myself for that selfish behaviour, that put me out of pain for a while, and put my kids in it.
It does help..thank you
And I don't basically think that "we alcoholics" are selfish..therefore I can't connect to men from 70 years ago and their experiences (ie AA founders)
But my drinking was selfish.
And you are right, I have to forgive myself for that selfish behaviour, that put me out of pain for a while, and put my kids in it.
It does help..thank you
Defensiveness is common, too.
Just my $0.02.
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Fripfrop, this might help. When I first heard that I was selfish it upset me. I would be one of the first in line to give someone the shirt off my back. I volunteered 156 hours a month until I had to turn in my badge because of my DUI. I'm one of those who will go out of my way to help someone. How could anyone ever call me selfish????
Then the fog finally cleared and I understood. My thinking is selfish. It tends to be all about me. How what someone says and does affects me.
With that being said look back at your first post. You want your kids to realize how much you did for them and how your drinking was not a choice. It's part of a disease. In a sense isn't that somewhat more for your benefit than it is theirs?
The hope would be that by them understanding this then it kind of lets you off the hook a little? Which would then alleviate how this makes you feel and doesn't necessarily take their best interest to heart.
I'm not trying to be derogatory in my post just hoping it helps you to understand. It's our thinking that's selfish.
Then the fog finally cleared and I understood. My thinking is selfish. It tends to be all about me. How what someone says and does affects me.
With that being said look back at your first post. You want your kids to realize how much you did for them and how your drinking was not a choice. It's part of a disease. In a sense isn't that somewhat more for your benefit than it is theirs?
The hope would be that by them understanding this then it kind of lets you off the hook a little? Which would then alleviate how this makes you feel and doesn't necessarily take their best interest to heart.
I'm not trying to be derogatory in my post just hoping it helps you to understand. It's our thinking that's selfish.
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Just a reminder to everyone - if a post or poster ticks you off you can use the ignore function on that member and you won't see their posts or PMs again.
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if you think a post breaks a rule, you can report it.
All these options really are preferable to calling out other posters in threads.
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Originally Posted by August252015
I think you are really splitting hairs on the selfishness part. No one wants to accept that we are selfish - but we, as humans are, and this is a big one for us alcoholics to look at and...accept.
Defensiveness is common, too.
Just my $0.02.
Defensiveness is common, too.
Just my $0.02.
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Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
Fripfrop, this might help. When I first heard that I was selfish it upset me. I would be one of the first in line to give someone the shirt off my back. I volunteered 156 hours a month until I had to turn in my badge because of my DUI. I'm one of those who will go out of my way to help someone. How could anyone ever call me selfish????
Then the fog finally cleared and I understood. My thinking is selfish. It tends to be all about me. How what someone says and does affects me.
With that being said look back at your first post. You want your kids to realize how much you did for them and how your drinking was not a choice. It's part of a disease. In a sense isn't that somewhat more for your benefit than it is theirs?
The hope would be that by them understanding this then it kind of lets you off the hook a little? Which would then alleviate how this makes you feel and doesn't necessarily take their best interest to heart.
I'm not trying to be derogatory in my post just hoping it helps you to understand. It's our thinking that's selfish.
Then the fog finally cleared and I understood. My thinking is selfish. It tends to be all about me. How what someone says and does affects me.
With that being said look back at your first post. You want your kids to realize how much you did for them and how your drinking was not a choice. It's part of a disease. In a sense isn't that somewhat more for your benefit than it is theirs?
The hope would be that by them understanding this then it kind of lets you off the hook a little? Which would then alleviate how this makes you feel and doesn't necessarily take their best interest to heart.
I'm not trying to be derogatory in my post just hoping it helps you to understand. It's our thinking that's selfish.
And it's painful for me to look at myself and my drinking.
But maybe I need to see that, I need to see I am selfish in doing that.
I just don't like what I see about myself.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Just a reminder to everyone - if a post or poster ticks you off you can use the ignore function on that member and you won't see their posts or PMs again.
if you think a post breaks a rule, you can report it.
All these options really are preferable to calling out other posters in threads.
Thanks
Dee
Moderator
SR
if you think a post breaks a rule, you can report it.
All these options really are preferable to calling out other posters in threads.
Thanks
Dee
Moderator
SR
My whole family call me selfish.
I just wanted someone to understand how difficult it is . I guess it's not difficult, it's just me, being selfish.
I was just looking that it wasn't as easy as "fancying" a cream cake
I have deined myself a lot. But I didn't deny myself "opting out" when things got too hard.
I won't block people just because they say things I don't want to hear.
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The thing is, I have no idea why I am so selfish in drinking.
I try so hard in other areas not to just think of myself.
I gave up a whole nice life, to come back here, to a place I hate, to try to help someone else.
And all I did, in the end, was put myself back in the crap I wanted to escape from in the fist place.
And then the drinking started again.
When I was away from this, the drinking wasn't a problem.
Now it is.
When I was away, I was helping the people I love.
I'm back and I'm hidering them again.
I can't overstate how much I hate this place
But when I'm sober I help my people. My sister who has my grandson. I have him over half the time, when I'm sober, cos she can't cope. He's like my son, hyperactive.
Like I was, hyperactive.
I can't calm down, only drink makes me calm down.
Then it goes to super active during withdrawals.
Im just a mess.
And I don't know how to sort the mess out.
Ive talked to doctors and they don't know how to sort the mess out.
I'm just lost
I try so hard in other areas not to just think of myself.
I gave up a whole nice life, to come back here, to a place I hate, to try to help someone else.
And all I did, in the end, was put myself back in the crap I wanted to escape from in the fist place.
And then the drinking started again.
When I was away from this, the drinking wasn't a problem.
Now it is.
When I was away, I was helping the people I love.
I'm back and I'm hidering them again.
I can't overstate how much I hate this place
But when I'm sober I help my people. My sister who has my grandson. I have him over half the time, when I'm sober, cos she can't cope. He's like my son, hyperactive.
Like I was, hyperactive.
I can't calm down, only drink makes me calm down.
Then it goes to super active during withdrawals.
Im just a mess.
And I don't know how to sort the mess out.
Ive talked to doctors and they don't know how to sort the mess out.
I'm just lost
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What if...
It's not the place, it's the booze?
It's not your family, it's the booze?
It's not your past, it's the booze in your present?
You are desperately unhappy, so you drink...what if you're desperately unhappy because you drink?
Only one way to find out...
Alcohol is a powerful, addictive depressant. It strongly affects how our brains process information and reduces our ability to create biochemicals that help us feel positive...so we feel bad, so we drink more. It's biochemical...it just feels personal.
Put it down and find out who you really are?
It's not the place, it's the booze?
It's not your family, it's the booze?
It's not your past, it's the booze in your present?
You are desperately unhappy, so you drink...what if you're desperately unhappy because you drink?
Only one way to find out...
Alcohol is a powerful, addictive depressant. It strongly affects how our brains process information and reduces our ability to create biochemicals that help us feel positive...so we feel bad, so we drink more. It's biochemical...it just feels personal.
Put it down and find out who you really are?
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Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
Well, I'm at peace with it now. 
My mom was strong and amazing in many ways. She taught me a lot.
My mom was strong and amazing in many ways. She taught me a lot.
you just cannot give up or refuse to see what it is all about.
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
I'm not trying to bring you down. I was saying that my drinking is very selfish and it makes me a selfish person. I didn't label you anything. I labeled myself. I'm sorry my post upset you.
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August, I'd love to be able to do it for my kids.
I would have loved my dad to be able to do it. He's dying now, and he says the only thing he wants is to see me ok before he goes.
Addiction is horrible. My mother always said, I'm such a strong person in some ways, but I'm just a weakling in this.
I would have loved my dad to be able to do it. He's dying now, and he says the only thing he wants is to see me ok before he goes.
Addiction is horrible. My mother always said, I'm such a strong person in some ways, but I'm just a weakling in this.
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As well Frickafrip, it wasn't what you said that upset me, it's what I DID!
I usually have my 6 year old grandson on a weekend. And I went to my sons, drunk. And of course, he didn't leave him with me. I KNOW how much that baby loves our weekends. And I let him down. That is selfish, and I know it.
Am just so disgusted with myself. You didn't say anything wrong
I usually have my 6 year old grandson on a weekend. And I went to my sons, drunk. And of course, he didn't leave him with me. I KNOW how much that baby loves our weekends. And I let him down. That is selfish, and I know it.
Am just so disgusted with myself. You didn't say anything wrong
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain
What if...
It's not the place, it's the booze?
It's not your family, it's the booze?
It's not your past, it's the booze in your present?
You are desperately unhappy, so you drink...what if you're desperately unhappy because you drink?
Only one way to find out...
Alcohol is a powerful, addictive depressant. It strongly affects how our brains process information and reduces our ability to create biochemicals that help us feel positive...so we feel bad, so we drink more. It's biochemical...it just feels personal.
Put it down and find out who you really are?
It's not the place, it's the booze?
It's not your family, it's the booze?
It's not your past, it's the booze in your present?
You are desperately unhappy, so you drink...what if you're desperately unhappy because you drink?
Only one way to find out...
Alcohol is a powerful, addictive depressant. It strongly affects how our brains process information and reduces our ability to create biochemicals that help us feel positive...so we feel bad, so we drink more. It's biochemical...it just feels personal.
Put it down and find out who you really are?
I know its the booze.
When I feel ill coming down I see in starkness it's the booze.
Then I "forget" and do it again. Honestly, Id like to give myself a big big kick up the arse and say "Will you never learn?"
Why can't I learn?
What the hell is wrong with me?
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You're addicted to alcohol. So your brain is messed up.
Do you have access to a rehab or detox facility?
Instead of focusing your writing on everything that's "wrong" with you, maybe try writing down concrete steps you could take to help you get this monster off your back? Because believe me, that monster is lying to you when it says you don't have choices.
Do you have access to a rehab or detox facility?
Instead of focusing your writing on everything that's "wrong" with you, maybe try writing down concrete steps you could take to help you get this monster off your back? Because believe me, that monster is lying to you when it says you don't have choices.
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Well I guess if it were easy to just walk away from booze none of us would be alcoholics. Cunning, baffling and powerful.
For me I guess the first step is completely accepting that I cannot drink, no matter what. Maybe for a normal drinker there is some promise of relief from a few drinks. For me it's a promise of pain, shame and guilt. Always.
Hang in there.
For me I guess the first step is completely accepting that I cannot drink, no matter what. Maybe for a normal drinker there is some promise of relief from a few drinks. For me it's a promise of pain, shame and guilt. Always.
Hang in there.
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Thank you.
I really wanted AA to help, I went there when it all kicked off and I knew I was in trouble.
But the people there, in my town, were still drinking and saying "The first step is you want to give up"
Then I had therapy, which, truth be told, unearthed stuff that was better off forgotton.
I just don't know what else to do.
My daughter has moved away for work, and I just ADORE her. But Im a bit of a rubbish person, and her "new" family have money and give her a lifestyle that I couldn't being a single parent.
I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I probably am.
I lived for my kids, I was a mother at 20, and I just can't see the point in going on.
I know it sounds pathetic, it even sounds pathetic to me!
But I don't feel I have a point anymore.
Everyone on both sides of my family dies of heart disease at 60
Im only a few years away.
And with my bad lifestyle I don't think I am going to beat those genentics!
I really wanted AA to help, I went there when it all kicked off and I knew I was in trouble.
But the people there, in my town, were still drinking and saying "The first step is you want to give up"
Then I had therapy, which, truth be told, unearthed stuff that was better off forgotton.
I just don't know what else to do.
My daughter has moved away for work, and I just ADORE her. But Im a bit of a rubbish person, and her "new" family have money and give her a lifestyle that I couldn't being a single parent.
I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I probably am.
I lived for my kids, I was a mother at 20, and I just can't see the point in going on.
I know it sounds pathetic, it even sounds pathetic to me!
But I don't feel I have a point anymore.
Everyone on both sides of my family dies of heart disease at 60
Im only a few years away.
And with my bad lifestyle I don't think I am going to beat those genentics!
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain
You're addicted to alcohol. So your brain is messed up.
Do you have access to a rehab or detox facility?
Instead of focusing your writing on everything that's "wrong" with you, maybe try writing down concrete steps you could take to help you get this monster off your back? Because believe me, that monster is lying to you when it says you don't have choices.
Do you have access to a rehab or detox facility?
Instead of focusing your writing on everything that's "wrong" with you, maybe try writing down concrete steps you could take to help you get this monster off your back? Because believe me, that monster is lying to you when it says you don't have choices.
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