I regret I got back in the opiate meatgrinder
 

I have been on opiate pain medication since May 26th of 2015. It was necessary. I worked with my doctor on a taper program and it went well. I successfully tapered without much discomfort and became over confident. I had one more refill to pick up...and did. Since the withdrawal was very manageable I took them carelessly and you can guess the result. By the grace of god I was in the worst of it today and my wife (always the pack rat) had stashed away a few emergency pills for just such an occasion. I took one and relief ensued within 30 minutes.

If you feel the need to scold me, go ahead, as I have no excuses. But this is an addiction/recovery website and I am posting for that very reason. If there is a positive that came from this, it is that I learned (again) that a disciplined taper is effective, and I also did not turn to alcohol to "numb" the discomfort. Its been over a year now, and I think alcohol (which brought me to this forum) has hopefully run its course with me in terms of a way to relax/escape. That doesn't mean for a second that I will become lazy with regards to alcohol. After all, it caused major destruction in my life and to give it a second chance is pure insanity.

Eventually we realize that the stove is very hot
and we are tired of being burned.

Then all we need to do is
make a firm decision to (stop for good).

Good luck,
MB

My DOC is booze but I developed a nasty pill habit for about six months after a bad accident, several years ago. Finally had to forcefully withdraw because the pills get hard to come by, and I'm a lazy addict. The withdrawals after just six months were much more difficult mentally than withdrawing from a 20 year drinking habit. Do you still need medication for pain or have you been taking them recreationally? Not sure what condition you started taking them for but I hope you can find some non-narcotic pain relief if you still need it. If you think it's a problem maybe you could be honest with your doctor, if you haven't been already. I came clean and he doesn't prescribe me anything but antibiotics now but it's for the best. I do understand the alluring power of those little pills. I hope the worst is behind you.

Not going to scold you, but I am curious to know what you're going to do if you find yourself in the worst of it again and you have none left?

D

What does "taking them carelessly" mean?

Taking them for physical pain?

Taking them to not be dope-sick?

Taking more than needed to keep yourself from being dope-sick? If so, why?

Taking them for emotional pain?

Taking them because you like the effect?

These are important questions.

In my experience, one of the crucial mistakes we make is to decide that different drugs are somehow "different" for us. Pain medication is one of the scariest, as we can get prescribed it for legitimate pain, and then reach the point where we face the decision to stop using it because the pain has lessened, or keep using it because we like how it makes us feel. - I've seen many an addict/alcoholic "go out" over pain meds. Relapse is relapse, it doesn't matter if you switched drugs to do it. - My personal favorite is a good friend who used whippets (the nitrous oxide in whipped cream cans) to get loaded for one night and then claimed that he was still two years sober because he didn't drink.

Not saying that your use of painkillers was a relapse, that's for you to figure out. Just encouraging you to ask yourself exactly what "taking them carelessly" meant.

Suffer.

IM, see comments in blue

Alcohol has run its course, maybe. Or switched to a pain pill problem.

Here's the thing about "pain management," Jeff. You've been on opiates for a significant period of time. Even with the taper, your brain is clearly at the point where taking a pill = relief. No relief means discomfort, be it physical and/or mental.

For a lot of users, long-term opiate use actually creates the sensation of pain when the drug is removed from the equation. This is temporary, but it keeps a lot of people coming back for more without giving sobriety a fair shot. Now that's not to say that there aren't situations where opiate use is necessary for extreme, chronic pain. But that is usually a measure of absolute last resort. You had surgery a year ago. I would advise that instead of bringing up pain management, you consider talking with an addiction specialist doctor.

I had major surgery when I was 7 months sober from alcohol. Double hip replacement at age 31 (consequence of my drinking). I needed opiates in the beginning because of pain. I was scared to get off them because I was still doing physical rehab and I didn't know how I'd make it through the day. But, at least for me, getting free and clear of the pain pills and switching to tylenol/advil was the best thing I could have done. My pain actually lessened once all the opiates were out of my system. I was off the opiates within 2 months after my surgery. I still had to use a walker to get around. It still hurt to get out of bed and make it one room over to the bathroom. Physical rehab was still tough. But the pain got better every day.

There comes a point where you can't rely on the "I had major surgery" talking point when discussing your opiate use. The transition from recovering from surgery to pain pill problem can easily pass you by without you noticing.

Jeff it's not unprecedented for the brain to make up pain in cases like this. (DigDug beat me to it)

I'd be honest with your Dr - leave nothing out - and see what they think.

D

Don't think that that hasn't crossed my mind. It is a bit worrisome.

I agree with you guys on the part about giving my body a chance to recover post opiate use. Like anything there is going to be a deficit for a few days, thus the uncomfortable feeling. But I believe I know enough about the human body to know that it will "re-balance" itself out and the backaches and minor anxiety will pass. I'm not certain, but just like alcohol withdrawal, you suffer for a couple days and then one day you wake up and you just know that you are back to normal. Good energy, good appetite, clear head etc...

ps: double hip replacement at 31, I feel for ya man. that's way too young.

Hi Jeff

What do you think is going on? It sounds like you're saying your behavior isn't addiction, to anything.

Not my place to scold you. I will say that I believe you're in denial. Nice of your wife to stash some of your meds. What's up with that?

Were the opiates prescribed for back aches? or your knees?

I'm still not clear on what "taking them carelessly" means.

Also, when you say that they make you feel comfortable, but not high what do you mean? Comfortable in terms of the absence of the specific physical pain they were prescribed for? Or something else?

Wishing you the best today, thomas11.

I'm walking a tightrope of denial right now. Or I legitimately need a maintenance dose for another 6 months. I will find out when I see the doctor and get her opinion. The MAJOR pain is gone (and it was major, believe me). But I still live in pain every day. Up and down stairs hurts, in and out of bed hurts. I am only able to exercise because I time my 10mg dose 40 minutes before I workout so I can endure it. I don't know?

ps. My wife is a saint. Taking care of family and spouses is of the highest importance in Latin culture and she is no exception. Not to be confused with an enabler. She put her foot down when it came to alcohol, hard. Even when I was still in my wheelchair, I started creeping into an irregular schedule by staying up late and sleeping kind of late. She made me adhere to a normal schedule and I appreciate that.

IvanMike, I take them for my knee pain. Taking them carelessly means on occasion I have taken an extra pill with no medical need to take it.

They make me comfortable both physically and somewhat mentally. I have arthritis in my shoulders and neck pretty bad, and of course my knees are in pain most all of the time. Weather can make things even worse. Mentally I seem to be able to focus better and there is a slight good feeling associated with it. I am wrestling with the issue, no doubt about it. And I have been told more than once that honesty doesn't get me any brownie points. I get it. But if I don't talk about here and with my doctor, where else do I go? I am comfortable discussing things here because most people don't judge, just advise.

Have you tried Ibuprofen for the pain? I ask this because I transitioned from Hydrocodone to Ibuprofen after my jaw surgery.

I don't know either Jeff. Only you know whether you need the pain pills or not. I know you had a bad accident so I don't want to sound like I'm minimizing.

If you have to take painkillers to endure your workout I would say find a different workout. I think a lot of us, as we age, have pain. Especially those of us that are really active. But if its that bad maybe try something else. Is your pain from inflammation?

I think this goes way back to one of the issues you've dealt with every since coming here in the first place Jeff - you've never really set forth with any "official" recovery plan.

You've acknowledged many of your physical, relationship and job issues and you are ( or have ) actively addressed many of them. But you've never really put your foot down and taken on any organized/official/prescribed form of ADDICTION RECOVERY. And by that I mean seeking therapy, counseling, meetings, outpatient rehab, etc.. You know the list of options as good as any of us because you've read it here over and over, and you've recommended many of those options to others too. But look in the mirror and really ask yourself: "Do I unconditionally accept my addiction?" and "Have I done everything I possibly could to address it?"