9:30 AM Drunk, Working, Guily
 

I'm so ashamed of myself. I have an amazing family. I'm a successful IT person. I have not hit "rock bottom" and probaby won't professionally.

What I'm realizing is that my wife is the person left to bare my burden. She is an amazing woman who deserves better than me. I want to quit. I don't really understand why I can't. Like I know better. I feel guilty when i take a shot.

What is wrong with me. How do I fix this.

You can quit and make the choice to live a sober life. Is there alcohol in the house? If so, get rid of it if your wife agrees, and don't buy anymore. Stay away from places where you buy alcohol. Come up with a daily plan as to how you will do this and what to do when cravings start. :)

That's part of the problem. She is a very responsible and reasonable drinker. We have little kids and for her a relaxing drink after the kids go to bed helps her keep above the depression of stress.

100% she would be supportive, but the guilt of asking her to give up something that helps her to satisfy my needs is crushing for me. I feel so selfish and evil.

Badgerlock... It's possible to stop. Even when you doubt that fact.

Like Anna said throw out the remaining alcohol.

Get a plan... What does that mean? Start small with avoiding all places you can get alcohol. That seemed extreme to me when I first started but needed.

Learn t listen for your addictive voice. You know that sound in your head telling you you don't need to do this. You might not hear that today but a few days sober... For some even hours sober... That's a loud voice. Then when you hear it squash it.

But the thing to keep in mind... That the voice cannot force you to act. Nope. NOT AT ALL. You can say no. I said no a million times. I suspect I will a few more in my life.

Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your wife. Get some help.

You can stay stopped.

Welcome to SR.

Ken

My husband was happy to stop drinking to help me. My entire house is happier for it. She can always have a drink with friends, away from home.

I've been where you are.

I chose sobriety two and a half years ago and it's been SO much better in every way.

My wife didn't have to give up drinking for me to choose sobriety. Of course, she seldom drinks and when she does it's only one... but still.

Point is; the choice is entirely yours.

I hope you choose sobriety.

:grouphug:

Thanks for the support and kind words. I know I need help, but I feel that some kind of structured outside care would do more harm to my life and family than just finding a group that can help me keep perspective.

I have been exactly where you are. With a bottle in my desk drawer.

You really shouldn't be worrying about your wife at this point. Later you can talk to her and things will work out. Later. Now's the time to stop drinking TODAY. Post tonight and you'll get tons of advice for making it through the first five days.

Welcome to the club! :wave:

PS -- making it through now. Dump out. Wash face. Brush teeth. Buy candy. Eat often. Talk to people even if compulsively. Try not to be alone. Your colleagues are your best friends today and isolation is your worst. :)

Sounds like you and I are in the exact same boat. Not at rock bottom, still functioning reasonably well, etc. My motivation to quite is to be a better dad, better husband, better businessman, and to feel healthy again. I'm telling myself today is day 1...but it's only 9:15 AM. I've been on and off the wagon a couple times in the last year, and I can honestly say I want my sober life back more than I want to drink...but to break the habit is sooooo hard. Good luck man.

I know I need help, but I feel that some kind of structured outside care would do more harm to my life and family than just finding a group that can help me keep perspective.

would do more harm than being drunk at 930 in the morning? ANYTHING you do to get sober and stay sober will benefit your family. drinking will NOT.

alcoholics automatically defend and protect their drinking, to the point of saying that going to a treatment facility to learn how to quit drinking will do more harm than good. it's silly really, but it's the nature of the beast.

now would be the time to actively and courageously seek ALL options to help you achieve long term sobriety and be the best YOU there is!!!

What harm do you imagine? Note the emphasis on "imagine" because that's what you are doing...using your imagination to avoid either admitting to a problem or committing to a solution.

Your struggles with alcohol will do much more harm to your life and family than recovery from it will. Imagine that.

It really doesn't matter what your wife does or doesn't do. It matters what you do. My wife is a normal drinker. I never expected her to give that up. Alcohol isn't her problem, it's mine. Sobriety has to be for you for and foremost. If your wife is willing to stop drinking around you that's great. If not, that's ok too. You can do this if you want to. And believe me, it's worth it. It's so much better not having to question if I'm a good or bad dad and husband and if work is suffering. I now know I'm doing my best.

You seem like A fairly intelligent person who is likely successful in the professional sense. That's great.

So let ME present something for you to think about:

As a chemical substance, alcohol is a really crappy drug. It can give you a "feeling good" sensation for a limited time ONLY. IMO, all alcoholic beverages should come with warning labels that say: "This is a crappy drug". But, it is GLAMORIZED in our society. And, I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like it is glamorized more today than EVER! Just look at all the grocery stores that have invested time and space for EXPANDED wine sections!

You're intelligent, you know you need to quit. You've got to continue reaching out for help. You CAN stop drinking.

Alcohol is also a central nervous system depressant. It contributes to . depression and if a person is ALREADY depressed, it makes it worse. It kills brain cells. I don't need to go on and on about it. You know what you should and shouldn't do. You just need to make up your mind to do it.

You sound MISERABLE and I am so sorry you feel that way, but we know how it feels and we KNOW it can be overcome. Best to you...

Hi Badgerlock really glad you found SR it's going to help a lot with regular interaction

Know you won't be doing it alone - why not join the class of July people getting sober same time as each other

Welcome Badgerlock! You will find lots of support on SR! You should join the Jily class which should appear in the next few hours. It really helps to have a group of people at the same point in their journey as you.

I will have six months sober tomorrow, and SR, especially the January class has been my biggest support. I have attempted to stop in the past, but never quite managed to stay stop except during pregnancy. This time I really wanted sobriety, and I did whatever was needed to stay sober. The first few weeks I planned out every minute of the time I would normally be drinking, and also spent a ton of time on here.

My husband still drinks, and while it would probably have been easier if he stopped too, this is my journey, and I needed to stop for me.

I promise the physical, and mental benefits are worth it. Freeowl had a great post earlier today, you should read through it. I pasted it onto the notes of my phone so I could refer to it in the future!!

You can do this!

I said the exact same thing. People probably still talk about my crash and burn...

The thing is, if you're drinking/drunk at 9.30 am in the morning you're already losing control.

I'm not saying this to scare you - just that it's time to take this problem seriously before you start losing the things you value and love like I did.

D

butisnt finding A group to help ya keep perspective an example of that structured outside care you say will harm ya?

will outside structured care bring you gloom,dispair, and agony like youre having now?? will it harm your family more than the harm being caused by your drinking( youre causing more harm than you realize at this time)?

My boyfriend loves wine and cocktails. When I said I had a problem he stopped drinking around me. I know he still enjoys it when he's put with colleagues or at conventions, but he knows my life is at stake and he said I'm worth more than having wine in the house. He gets seltzer with me in fancy restauraunts. Don't underestimate your wife! :) She's probably waiting for you to make this move!!! Don't wait any longer!

hi Badger, the first time I got drunk in the morning I knew I had smashed all "barriers" and now I was in trouble. Not saying that is the case for you, but it is something to think about. So called normal drinkers are not drunk at 9:30 in the morning. Hope you can pull it together. Furthermore, it will destroy your health, that's almost guaranteed. Not worth it.