Perspective
 

Day 11 since my last drink, and Day 17 since my last all-out binge. I'm past the worst of withdrawal, feeling physically fit, mentally aware, and like I'm ever-more present in this life. I've had some thoughts rolling around in my head for a few days regarding the perspective I've gained in the past few weeks, so I thought I'd jot a few down.

When I started on day one, I never knew that I could be this at-peace with myself. I still have challenges in my life, but I am now committed to facing them head-on, and am confident that I can do so without alcohol.

My family is truly amazing. They are a literal God-send. I have four magical kids, and I'm glad that I will not miss any more weekends with them due to booze, blackouts, and hangovers. Thank goodness I quit before I lost my kids' entire childhood to drink.

When I think of all the dangerous and stupid things I did when drinking, I am so thankful to have made it to this point of recovery without injuring anyone or myself, and without getting tossed in jail. I try to think of those things every day, so that I can remain committed.

Life on Earth is a fantastic thing. I sit here at 6 in the morning, having just watched the sun rise, with the morning light filtering through the verdant greens of a Wisconsin summer. Birds are singing outside, and I now have the peace and mindfulness to sit here and enjoy it, even with the hectic day that I have in store.

For the first time in years, I'm looking forward to the future, rather than dreading it.

Feel free to add your own new perspectives. More later. Have a fantastic day everyone!

Awesome post, thanks for sharing, made my day!

Keep up the great work, Username. You can do this!

Just remember this perspective when things get a little rocky (and they will) and you'll be fine.

Good morning and thank you! I'm so happy for you....you're doing great and your post is inspiring.

Just over 4 months sober...For the first time in a very long time, I am not concerned with trying to be the best at everything, just so I can fail and have a reason to hate myself for being a "loser." I'm starting to accept myself. For the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward to the future. For the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward to letting go of my childish dependency on drugs and alcohol so that I can become more emotionally and socially mature.

^^ This.

Pink Cloud time is wonderful - enjoy and learn and really practice recovery steps during this time. You will need it as the time goes on - which it will, you can do it!- in early recovery and in life.
See: http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-recovery/pink-cloud/

Here's a good read: https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

You don't sound like you are suffering significant physical effects but there can be a lag in those catching up- esp as life inevitably comes in- and it will probably be unexpected. "Whoa, I was feeling on top of all this sober stuff!"

I write all this as much to myself as to you - I was fortunate to have much of my first 100 days as pink sky (as I call it)- and have just in the last couple of weeks had the emotionally thawing REALLY come out. I am at 129 days today.

Good luck, shore up and keep going!!

August and doggone, thanks for the insights. Yes, that is exactly why I'm writing this. I know that there are challenges to come; I've been sober for a while before for about 4 months. I want to keep this thread bookmarked so that when those challenges arrive, I can review and re-affirm the value of living life sober.

Great to hear! And- have you seen the "Class of" threads? Perhaps join the June class where you will find others who have quit this month. I have found the Feb class a good place to read and engage.

Yup, I've been taking part in the June thread since I first logged on.

Thanks for sharing. I really like your perspective. My biggest gift I have given myself is the ability to say no. No, I cannot plan that party for you. No, I cannot babysit your children this weekend. No, I don't want a drink. I was always terrible at saying no. Took sober eyes to see it.

Here's another (albeit small) one: For the first time in months, I'm scheduling appointments on Mondays, because I know I won't be suffering from a raging hangover.

Day 12. Overcast this morning, but supposed to be sunny and beautiful later and throughout the weekend. What I thought was just a sinus infection is doing something weird to my TMJ and lower jaw, causing a heckuva lot of pain, so it looks like it's back to the doctor today.

Anyway, here's today's thought coming out of the new perspective that sobriety has given me. It's amazing the lengths your AV will go to, in order to normalize your drinking. When out and about while binging, I would convince myself that most everyone I saw was also drunk or drinking, and that was the normal way of the world (I used to think this when I smoked a lot of weed as well). I wasn't that different or crazy from the rest of the world, because everyone was doing it!

Hope everyone has a great Friday.

Congrats Username

Thanks for your post - great stuff Username :)

D

I didn't realize how much of a pleaser I was, either- not really. This is a BIG one for me now that I am sober. I'm going to practice my No's, just like you wrote out ;) Thanks!

Day 16 since my last drink, day 22 since the last binge. Some tough times over the holiday weekend, but made it through and happier for it.

Today's new perspective--I've realized that as I get further along in my recovery, I've had to begin re-evaluating just what I'm capable of. Drinking held me back from accomplishing so much and meeting my potential. This realization came over the weekend, as I finished several household projects in a few days that would have taken me a month to complete had I still been drinking.

Happy Tuesday all!

Thanks for your post, Username. Good wishes on your sober journey.

At 2.5 years sober there are ups and there are downs.

I am learning to manage expectations, foster self-compassion, become more aware of judgmental thinking.

I am no different than anybody else and when I think I am? I need to look at myself more closely.

Someone at an AA meeting said this: "I used to care what people thought of me and I didn't care how I made other people feel. Now I care more about how I make other people feel and I don't care what other people think of me."

To me this means, act with kindness towards self and others and stop worrying about the opinions of others. Something to work towards.

Awesome!! Doesn't that feel great?! My day is Wed for "Stuff" since it is my one week day completely off.

While it is one way really UN-fun to deal with bills (medical debt - ugh) I am also able to set aside specific times to address those. Took me a couple of months to be able to do that.

Keep going!

Day 17 since my last drink, and Day 23 since my last binge.

Today's perspective: I turn 41 tomorrow, and for the first time in a long time, I'm "present" enough to contemplate getting older, and be excited for what the next year will bring.

Day 19 since my last drink, and day 25 since my last binge.

Today's perspective. I had a grueling 12 hour day at work yesterday, with hour upon hour of intense, often combative, meetings. A month ago, I would've come home agitated, spent, grumpy, and looking for the first chance I could get to steal a couple of swallows from the bottle. A day like that would have been a great excuse for a mid-week drunk. But yesterday, I had the mental, physical and emotional energy to come home and enjoy the little birthday celebration that my wife and kids had put together for me last night. I sat at the dinner table, eating the wonderful chicken fettuccine Alfredo that my wife had made, looking at their smiling faces and joking around with them, and I truly enjoyed it. It will be a memory that I will cherish to the end of my days.

I've been dealing with a lot of emotional "flatness" lately, but yesterday was a bit of a breakthrough for me, and hopefully it's a glimpse of what's to come. For the first time in forever, I was able to sit and just feel the joy and love in the room, right down to my core. What a wonderful, wonderful time.

Enjoyed your post - do want to say to remember that you are not a special snowflake. It's your use of words like "magical" that made me think of this. This train of thought can be dangerous. Here's what I mean in writing this, in better words -

'"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average." - Ovid

Our program speaks of spiritual progress, not perfection. ... Our bottom line is steady progress. ...

Our illness pushes us to be perfect. In recovery, we learn that we are free to be what we are - just human. Even the world's fastest runners are average in most other areas of their lives.

Prayer for the day: HP, I'll not be ashamed of how average I am. I'll remember I'm average - and that's good."'

- July 5 devotional, from Keep It Simple: Daily Meditations for 12 Step Renewal and Progress

This one - perfection in my mind, v being average - is a tough one for me.
I grew up being told I was amazing, brilliant - a special snowflake. For us addicts this is often disastrous - see the parts about grandiosity in the BB, and what's talked about as the "f*ck its" in the rooms sometimes. It brings in the ego and keeps the I - not our God- in control. Dangerous when it comes to keeping the AV alive.

Glad you are feeling so wonderful about your life. It is indeed a perspective of gratitude we can all enjoy.

Thanks August, I certainly understand what you mean. Lest I give the wrong impression, it has not been all rainbows and unicorns frolicking in a meadow for me. I started this thread to help me remember the "positives" that I'm discovering along the way to recovery. It's a resource I'm stocking up to use against those times when the struggles are at their worst.

Honestly, over the many (MANY) times I've tried to quit before, I've realized that my greatest danger for relapse is not those times when I've had a hard day or had emotional turmoil. Rather, I tend to relapse without thinking much about it at all. It's like my brain goes on autopilot, and my hand grabs the bottle without much forethought. In the past few weeks I've used this thread (and SR in general) as a resource to go to when I find my hand reaching towards the bottle, to remind me of the positives that I'd be throwing away because of my mindless actions.

Also, although SR is full of tales of inspiration and perseverance, there's also a lot of despair here. I was hoping that this thread could provide a little bit of balance to that by focusing on some of the positive. (I've since discovered the 24 hour thread, which is a wellspring of positivity!). Again, by no means do I intend to minimize the fact of the real struggles we're all going through on our paths to recovery, nor do I think one should ignore the grim reality of what addiction has done to ourselves and the people around us.

Hopefully this makes sense.

Day 28 since my last drink, day 34 since my last binge.

Today's perspective: Over the weekend, three people on the forum that I've been keeping up with "slipped" and had a drink. I found my advice to all three to be the same: you may be back at day 1, but you're not starting over--you learned a lot from your time sober, and got a lot of information from your relapse. So, the perspective today is simple: Failure is a valuable teacher.

Congrats on your progress username :)

D