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Old 07-08-2016, 04:47 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
U75
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Day 19 since my last drink, and day 25 since my last binge.

Today's perspective. I had a grueling 12 hour day at work yesterday, with hour upon hour of intense, often combative, meetings. A month ago, I would've come home agitated, spent, grumpy, and looking for the first chance I could get to steal a couple of swallows from the bottle. A day like that would have been a great excuse for a mid-week drunk. But yesterday, I had the mental, physical and emotional energy to come home and enjoy the little birthday celebration that my wife and kids had put together for me last night. I sat at the dinner table, eating the wonderful chicken fettuccine Alfredo that my wife had made, looking at their smiling faces and joking around with them, and I truly enjoyed it. It will be a memory that I will cherish to the end of my days.

I've been dealing with a lot of emotional "flatness" lately, but yesterday was a bit of a breakthrough for me, and hopefully it's a glimpse of what's to come. For the first time in forever, I was able to sit and just feel the joy and love in the room, right down to my core. What a wonderful, wonderful time.
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Old 07-08-2016, 04:58 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Just remember this perspective when things get a little rocky (and they will) and you'll be fine.
Enjoyed your post - do want to say to remember that you are not a special snowflake. It's your use of words like "magical" that made me think of this. This train of thought can be dangerous. Here's what I mean in writing this, in better words -

'"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average." - Ovid

Our program speaks of spiritual progress, not perfection. ... Our bottom line is steady progress. ...

Our illness pushes us to be perfect. In recovery, we learn that we are free to be what we are - just human. Even the world's fastest runners are average in most other areas of their lives.

Prayer for the day: HP, I'll not be ashamed of how average I am. I'll remember I'm average - and that's good."'

- July 5 devotional, from Keep It Simple: Daily Meditations for 12 Step Renewal and Progress

This one - perfection in my mind, v being average - is a tough one for me.
I grew up being told I was amazing, brilliant - a special snowflake. For us addicts this is often disastrous - see the parts about grandiosity in the BB, and what's talked about as the "f*ck its" in the rooms sometimes. It brings in the ego and keeps the I - not our God- in control. Dangerous when it comes to keeping the AV alive.

Glad you are feeling so wonderful about your life. It is indeed a perspective of gratitude we can all enjoy.
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Old 07-08-2016, 05:11 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
U75
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Thanks August, I certainly understand what you mean. Lest I give the wrong impression, it has not been all rainbows and unicorns frolicking in a meadow for me. I started this thread to help me remember the "positives" that I'm discovering along the way to recovery. It's a resource I'm stocking up to use against those times when the struggles are at their worst.

Honestly, over the many (MANY) times I've tried to quit before, I've realized that my greatest danger for relapse is not those times when I've had a hard day or had emotional turmoil. Rather, I tend to relapse without thinking much about it at all. It's like my brain goes on autopilot, and my hand grabs the bottle without much forethought. In the past few weeks I've used this thread (and SR in general) as a resource to go to when I find my hand reaching towards the bottle, to remind me of the positives that I'd be throwing away because of my mindless actions.

Also, although SR is full of tales of inspiration and perseverance, there's also a lot of despair here. I was hoping that this thread could provide a little bit of balance to that by focusing on some of the positive. (I've since discovered the 24 hour thread, which is a wellspring of positivity!). Again, by no means do I intend to minimize the fact of the real struggles we're all going through on our paths to recovery, nor do I think one should ignore the grim reality of what addiction has done to ourselves and the people around us.

Hopefully this makes sense.
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Old 07-18-2016, 09:15 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Day 28 since my last drink, day 34 since my last binge.

Today's perspective: Over the weekend, three people on the forum that I've been keeping up with "slipped" and had a drink. I found my advice to all three to be the same: you may be back at day 1, but you're not starting over--you learned a lot from your time sober, and got a lot of information from your relapse. So, the perspective today is simple: Failure is a valuable teacher.
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Old 07-18-2016, 02:21 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Congrats on your progress username

D
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