help me talk back to destructive voice
 

Maybe it's because my alcoholism was confined to once a week binge drinking or maybe bx I really have very little authentic self regard, but whatever the reason, I'm having a hard time answering back this voice inside me that keeps criticizing everything I do. The voice is telling me I haven't accomplished enough. That I'm not thin enough. Not good enough. That I'm running out of time to achieve something of significance. That I'll feel stuck in my life forever, etc. But the worst part is that the voice is not allowing me to focus on staying sober, which at first seems like not a big deal since my trigger day will be Friday but I realized that even though I was just drinking once a week, the rest of the time I was still in addicted mode, just not acting on it, but my thinking all week was just as impulsive, restless and distorted. I need to focus just on recovering and not the million other to dos that are in my life right now. Can someone give me permission to 100 percent focus on recovering since I can't give it to myself? Please help me answer this voice because I know, if I can't find a way to silence it, that this voice will eventually kill me.

That critical voice is your sneaky, lying alcoholic voice. It's setting you up for the weekend. When Friday rolls around, it's going to say all those things, and then add that you should just have a drink to get some release. My AV was the same way. It didn't urge me to drink all week. Instead, it told me that I am a terrible father, a terrible husband, a bad friend, and a total waste of space. Then when the weekend came up, I was all primed for a three day pity party bender.

You're still in early recovery. That critical voice will fade as long as you don't fuel it with more booze. Your self-image will improve the longer you stay sober, and you will be able to meet your challenges, instead of drowning them in booze every weekend. You have permission to focus on your recovery, because that is the key to unlock all the rest.

From another weekend binger, good luck this weekend. Stay strong, keep posting and make it through.

I have a volume knob on that voice now, but it took time and the steps to install it.

In early recovery I went to meetings every day (sometimes two). I went to an outpatient IOP three days a week. I got in the habit of talking to others in recovery who had been there longer.

The voice got quieter for a while each time I did that. - Time and the work I have put in help me to quiet it on my own now. When I can't I reach out to a few close friends in recovery and they help me. Sometimes I just go to a meeting and it shuts off.

Have you tried meditation?

thank you
 

for the first time in what it seems like forever , I feel understood. thank you to all for your replies, they are already helping me
"I would rather go through life sober believing that I am an alcoholic than go through life drunk trying to convince myself that I am not."

I am very familiar with that little voice you describe. As others have said, it does get better with more sober time. It helps me sometimes to think of it as the voice of a demanding, spoiled brat inside me, saying "I hate you!" when it doesn't get what it wants. You wouldn't take such a child seriously would you? Just remember, your own opinions about yourself are not necessarily true. Sometimes they're dead wrong.