Mountainmanbob

Don't know about you but, l'm alcoholic.
No luck here with moderation for any length of time.

You had two months -- that's great.
You can do it again -- if you are willing?

Mountainmanbob

jseattle

I spent years trying to moderate. It never lasts. You will see dozens of posts here of newbies trying to talk themselves into being able to "take a break" and/or moderate. Unfortunately for most who become addicted to alcohol after the breaks we get exactly back to where we left off and after a drink or two moderation is forgotten.

Those who can moderate don't seem to need to.

MIRecovery

Wise words written 80 years ago and they are just as true today

MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

Ironhorse1

It's been about a week since my original post. I don't think I was ready to accept that I can't drink in moderation, but I think maybe I'm ready. Everyday for the last week I've said "im not going to drink today", and guess what...everyday except for 1 of those days I drank. Some of those days I drank a "responsible" amount, but I think the stress and effort of trying to moderate is possibly harder than not drinking at all for me. I know that I just have to get those first few days under my belt and I will have a real chance of quitting, but I keep giving myself the benefit of the doubt. I don't like to admit that I don't have control over something in my life because with most things I do, but this is obviously different. The alcohol wins me over almost every time.

Dave42001

It may not seem like it but Abstinence is soo much easier!!

biminiblue

Ah yes, Ironhorse. Throwing the white flag wasn't something I particularly wanted to do, either.

Cake and eat it and all that.

I'm with Dave42 - complete abstinence is so much easier, and the rewards are more wonderful than I could describe.

Do it.

Ironhorse1

I'm starting to realize that. If I leave the option open, I spend all day thinking about what I can do to try moderate. "I'll just buy x number of beers" or "I won't drink until after the kids are in bed". Shifting my thought pattern and energy to abstain completely will probably be harder for the first little while, but I would rather deal with that for a week/month/year/whatever, than deal with trying (unsuccessfully most of the time) to moderate for the rest of my life. This has been an interesting process learning about myself. Admitting defeat isn't something that comes naturally to me. I've always taken a lot of pride in how disciplined I am with most things in my life. Admitting I can't moderate makes me feel like I'm giving up. Lol. Makes no sense.

Dave42001

“WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us.

No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. Alcohol, now become the rapacious creditor, bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. Once this stark fact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concerns is complete.

But upon entering Recoverywe soon take quite another view of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built.”

Fly N Buy

My off switch broke when it was dark - couldn't get the lights back on. At some point I got tired of crawling around, grouping for air in the foreboding under belly of existence.

Today the switch is disconnected for safety purposes. As long as I don't take that first drink, life is brightly lite!

It's the first one - the train engine that gets me, not the caboose.

Thanks for the thread and best of luck on your journey.

WeekendWarrior

Hey man. I was a Saturday night binger for years and I stopped that after an 18 beer binge on 6/18 that resulted me in being so hung over on Sunday (Father's Day) that I had to suffer through an entire day that would have otherwise been full of joy. I did have 1 can of beer at a baseball game on Wednesday 6/27 (I had not made the decision to quit yet - and was "in between" Saturdays), but I only had the 1 so I'm calling 6/18 my last drink date.

Drinking 9 beers a day is a lot man. I'm guessing you have some 15-20 ones thrown in there if you didn't have to get up the next day. My Saturday nights were getting like this and it was getting to where it'd be Tuesday or Wednesday before I felt normal again. From Sunday through Tuesday, I was just limping through the day and work and family life suffered.

Anyway, one quote that I keep hearing on here over & over really stuck with me:

"I have never work up one morning after NOT drinking, and regretted that I didn't drink the night before."

That statement is so profound, it's ridiculous. Drinkers are a selfish lot, we love to talk about ourselves and our drinking (listen to me ha). We all have a different journey. But I'll tell you this - the last two Saturday nights I was thinking "Okay well the kids are in bed, what do I do now?" and I'd think about that quote. I wake up the next day, feeling great, and think about that quote. It just keeps reinforcing itself.

Maybe that quote will help you. I can tell you, it's 100% true 100% of the time.

jaynie04

Hi Ironhorse. My husband of almost 20 years is a "normal" drinker. He has a few drinks on the weekend, and enjoys a big night out every now and then but he rarely thinks about drinking and would never make plans based on drinking.

Even before I developed a problem I came to see that the way each of us looked at drinking was very different. He never had to control it because it just isn't that big a deal to him.

I don't view sobriety as defeat, I actually count it amongst my greatest accomplishments. After all, it is not that I "can't" drink, it is that I "don't drink". My drinking crept up on me over the decades but at the end it was the primary focus of a lot of my time and energy. Truthfully, it was exhausting.

I think you hit the nail on the head in your last post. The idea of moderation sounds like torture to me. And not drinking for a set period of time would feel like nothing but depravation, like a fast. Even if I was just waiting for my next drink, alcohol would still own me.

Once I took alcohol off the table completely as an option I had to begin to rebuild my life. Alcohol took up a lot of room and without it who was I ? Three years later I am happy to report that it has been a very interesting journey....and I don't miss drinking. I love waking up in the morning with no regrets, I love being fully present, I love never being hungover, I love the fact that I have reclaimed my life.

Sobriety is freeing and empowering, and no one was more shocked than me when I realized how long I hung on to something I thought I loved only to find that I started living again when I finally disentangled myself from the oppressive clutches of booze!

Nonsensical

That's your addiction telling you that giving up is defeat. It's using your pride to control you. You may not realize it yet, but you are actually on the verge of the greatest victory of your life. Congratulations.

endlesspatience

This is a really amazing thread and it's fascinating to see how discussing it with us is helping you to see things more clearly. We also can show you how much you can enjoy life without booze. At the start of this thread you said you enjoy drinking but little by little I'm hearing from you a lot of things you don't enjoy about it. And I wouldn't be at all surprised if your kids would say they don't enjoy it when their father has nine drinks inside him, even if he starts after they go to bed.

This is hard, I know. But getting through to the first stage of considering the problem and working towards a solution is completely worth the effort.

We will support you today, tomorrow and in the months and years ahead. Any one of us as an individual may drop off the site but there are hundreds more people who will come on and get sober in the future. Even the people who are on day one or day zero now have the option to change their lives and become your supporters and friends in recovery.

Good luck Ironhorse

Dave42001

all these feelings and concerns you've mentioned are real I can relate, my story is similar. I've seen people struggle and never get to your thinking and I've seen people finally get what you're thinking after years of recovery. In my opinion you are ahead of the game you don't realize it right now but you are.good stuff.

Try now to get to hung up on giving up, powerlessness, etc.. Have faith and hope, you had 2 months. I'm a big believer in the one day at a time theory, helps me daily!

All the light bulbs on your dashboard are turning on, Very positive stuff! Keep it up!!!

soberlicious

Hi there!
It's funny how twisted our mind games can be when we are thinking that quitting the booze is defeat, when really it is victory. Overcoming addiction through abstinence is a most badass victory indeed! It's all in how we look at things, and you can choose to look at them differently if you wish.

Moderation is the "blue balls" of drinking to me (sorry about the sexual analogy). It was never satisfying to not get the deep drunk and I spent an utterly ridiculous amount of time thinking and planning how to moderate, which ended up all for naught anyway. I shake my head at the amount of time I wasted.

As far as feeling like you're missing out on social activities...just another mind game. The vast majority of the population enjoys life to the fullest without substances. Find new activities.

Best to you! You can do this and be amazing!!!

Anna

Yes, this was my situation. I was mentally exhausted from my attempts to moderate my drinking. I was completely obsessed by thoughts of drinking. Abstinence really is much easier. I know you will find lots of support here and we do understand how hard this is.

uncorked

Hi Ironhorse,
Maybe you need to look at drinking a different way. You say you don't like to admit you can't control your alcohol intake. But that's not true -- you can. You did it for a couple months. You are not powerless over alcohol....you have the power, you're just not using it. For years I fought sobriety. But now that I have it, life is so much better. Easier, too. I don't have to worry about what I said last night, if I have enough wine in the house, where to buy wine without being recognized by the cashier as the woman who buys a lot of wine....you get the picture. Most days, I don't even think about drinking. And that's very liberating!!

Carlotta

It was my experience too. Abstinence is so much easier.

Ironhorse1

Thank you for all of the insightful replies. It really is a mind game. I know what I need to do. I've known for a long time in my gut, but my brain would convince me otherwise.

dwtbd

IH1
Have you ever looked into AVRT/Rational Reovery? There are some great threads on thses ideas in the Secular Connections forum here on SR. Your statement above makes it sound like these ideas would really resonate with you , I know they did for me.
It's been almost three years since I read about those ideas and I haven't regretted making a Big Plan one iota.
Moderation is/was/ always would be torture, abstinence is truly freeing!(and badass too!)