Betha

I can't do this anymore. Left work early again bc of hangover and throwing up. I'm sure I looked like crap. How am I going to stay sober on a partying 4th of July long weekend. I keep trying to remember the Best I've ever felt was the 10days I was sober LAST YEAR in April!! But I can't get past the 3rd/4th days, witch will put me right on July 4th. Please help!

Betha

AND I just turned in my resignation and they are all planning a going away party even though I said I don't want one

biminiblue

Stay home.

Seriously, there is always going to be another reason to drink, another holiday, another party, wedding, whatever.

Nothing is worth dying over, and you don't know when/if your next drink will lead to that. Happens all the time.

Betha

Thank you! I wish I could, but I have an 90th bday party and a 50th bday party that I helped planned with out of state family, and my family The other get togetherness I think I can muddle through. I think.

Ghostlight1

Don't know if it's any help, but I quit on Christmas Eve five and a half years ago.
It was just time.

doggonecarl

That's what drinking on the fourth will bring. Hangovers and puking. Some holiday, huh? But the memory of how you feel now will fade and the obsession to pick up will bear down on you.

How do you get through it? For one, make no plans to be anywhere on the 4th where there's alcohol. Don't have any alcohol at home, don't bring any home.

And stay close to SR.

Betha

Oh my gosh, Yes, that Does help! Thank you.

Betha

You are so right about the feeling fading and the obsession. I definitely need a plan. Thank you!

entropy1964

Well if you can't resist, and you really want to stop drinking, maybe celebrating this year in your traditional 'party' sense will have to change. I'm going to be alone, watching my neighbors have their annual 'who can have the biggest illegal fireworks show in the neighborhood' contest. I'll drug the dogs, then hit the sack.

Betha

You're so right. I'm not good alone though. I wish I was. So far, one of my plans is to be designated driver.

FormerWineGirl

It's true that you can always find a reason to postpone quitting - an upcoming party, wedding, holiday weekend, it's Saturday, the sun is shining, etc. etc. We have all been there and understand. But if you truly want to quit, at some point you have to decide to no longer postpone taking those first steps to change your life for the better just because a reason to drink is coming up. Do it while you still have a life. We are cheering you on!

least

In order to stay sober, you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. When that is the case, you will be able to stay sober, no matter what the circumstances are.

kittycat3

Tell them to have a cake at the office and make up an after-work commitment if you have to. You so do not HAVE to drink! I've been there and figured out I have to make sometimes difficult choices and put myself first. You are worth it Betha!

Anna

The most important thing I learned at the outset of recovery was to say 'No' and feel okay about it. If you resigned at work and said you don't want a party, then don't go. Do something on the 4th that doesn't involve alcohol. Especially in the first weeks, let go of what you see as obligations. The only obligation you need is to stay sober and to do this for yourself.

OceanGuy

I know it sounds corny, but that phrase kept ringing through my head when I had my AV buzzing around my ears like a damn gnat. I realized that I want to be sober more than I want to drink. It just is that simple, and cuts through all of the drama.

Betha

thank you , I hear what you all are saying ! I appreciate the feedback and support, it means so much. I will keep looking back at the comments these next few days when my AV is strong.

U75

Look at it as a big challenge to start your sober life. Just imagine the confidence you'll have moving forward, if you can get through this weekend without a drop! You'll have faced the demon when he's at his strongest and won.

August252015

Then make a plan, and stick to it.

My sponsor told me this story recently:
She HAD to go to a party-like event for her daughter's soccer team. HER sponsor gave her this advice, as she was 10 days sober and VERY concerned but decidedly determined to remain sober.
*Park as far away as you can from the house where the event is. Carry a bottle of water in your hand, and don't put it down. Call me after 15 minutes to check in and tell me how you are feeling. Leave if necessary- if you start feeling overwhelmed, unsteady or just wanting to drink!*
My sponsor said she did all of this- and her two main memories of this event were that she had FUN, a great time - and that as she mingled, the smell of alcohol on most others' breaths was gross to her sober state.*

Perhaps you can employ some version of this in your events this weekend. I don't know if you are following the steps/AA - or plan to since this is a new sober try for you- but this kind of plan is something that protects and guides us in maintaining our sobriety.

Personally, I wouldn't have gone to something "big" if I didn't have to; if you don't have the choice- understandable with big family things like you describe- be armed. An additional thought- spend your time circulating and mostly around kids/non drinkers. And finally- be wary of getting TIRED! Employ HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, tired - as it sounds like a LOT of activity for a just sober you! I still get tired and have to take myself out of the playing arena (almost 5months in).

Good luck- it IS possible to get through such things, but not easy. How much do you want to be sober? Getting past 4 days this time will be its own celebration!!

LBrain

this reminds me that I lost my job a week before xmas, said I was never going to allow alcohol to affect my life again and quit...
I spent xmas eve with family sipping coffee and club soda while I watched the rest of them get toasted on alcohol...

and believe when I say I was usually the one who drank the most at every gathering... something happened and I never wanted to drink again... one week after drinking for almost 40 years sitting in a family room watching others get drunk - one week! I stuck to my guns.
it can be done if you really want to and are ready...

strategery

There isn't ever a really good time to quit. For me, it was, well I am quitting 5 days prior to Thanksgiving. That is a great time to drink. Maybe I'll wait until after Thanksgiving. Then there is this event after Thanksgiving. Can't miss that event and not drink. Oh, but then there is this event on this date, where it would be great to drink. Then there is Christmas, and then New Years, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day...etc., etc., etc.

I still remember finding myself wrapped up in that thinking and realizing I was never going to get sober since it was always inconvenient to get sober. It scared me and I realized I had to stick with my original plan.