Therapist keeps pushing me towards AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Therapist keeps pushing me towards AA
He keeps banging on about how I would benefit from the fellowship and how he believes psychotherapy alone is not enough to keep an addicted person sober.
I am very reluctant to go to AA. I have made this 18 month journey on my own (with online support) and I think it's actually going well. I have learnt a lot about myself and slowly how to treat myself with respect. I have had a one week relapse in November last year, and a one sip relapse this May, and not to minimise these but they have been valuable experiences leading to positive changes.
I have tried to articulate the reasons for my reluctance to go to him but to be honest, beyond the religious aspect, and finding a meeting convenient to my 2 hour each way commute to work, I don't really know why I am so averse to hanging out with fellow alcoholics.
My therapist veers towards some deep denial of my condition - if i went to AA, I would truly be accepting I am an alcoholic and because I don't want to, I am therefore at some level resisting.
I guess one answer is to give it a try, but on the other hand, I kind of want to punch my therapist for repeatedly mentioning it. So maybe he's onto something....
Any thoughts from the wise folk here?
I am very reluctant to go to AA. I have made this 18 month journey on my own (with online support) and I think it's actually going well. I have learnt a lot about myself and slowly how to treat myself with respect. I have had a one week relapse in November last year, and a one sip relapse this May, and not to minimise these but they have been valuable experiences leading to positive changes.
I have tried to articulate the reasons for my reluctance to go to him but to be honest, beyond the religious aspect, and finding a meeting convenient to my 2 hour each way commute to work, I don't really know why I am so averse to hanging out with fellow alcoholics.
My therapist veers towards some deep denial of my condition - if i went to AA, I would truly be accepting I am an alcoholic and because I don't want to, I am therefore at some level resisting.
I guess one answer is to give it a try, but on the other hand, I kind of want to punch my therapist for repeatedly mentioning it. So maybe he's onto something....
Any thoughts from the wise folk here?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I get you, I resisted AA for years. I did rehab, 2 years of therapy, self-help books. Nothing stuck. Last relapse ended with me in the ER where I stared at the ceiling for 3 hours wondering how much lower I could go. Next day I walked into AA and asked for help. 40 days sober and counting so it's been great. try it out and just keep an open mind.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 202
I personally have gotten more out of using SR than I ever got from AA. That being said, I do believe that for many people AA is the path. I myself attended a meeting last week when I felt I was on the verge of relapse. I do find that usually I almost always hear at least one thing that helps. But, no, AA is not my primary recovery tool and I am in no way in denial. I 100% know that I can never drink alcohol ever again.
I agree with what bimini said...be true to you
I agree with what bimini said...be true to you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
have you read the big book of AA to learn exactly what THE program is?
I just hope your not drawing conclusions without investigating. that keeps a person in everlasting ignorance.
pretty crazy hearing all the "religious aspect' when I don't get it how there can be this religious aspect when I sit at a meeting with an atheist, buddhiist, jew, catholic, agnostic, hindu.....
exactly what religion is it???
prolly none as AA isn't religious.
its spiritual.
could be your averse out of fear- fear you might get called out on lies youre living that your therapists hears?
going to AA doesn't mean you have to accept youre an alcoholic, but is that such a bad thing anyways?
I just hope your not drawing conclusions without investigating. that keeps a person in everlasting ignorance.
pretty crazy hearing all the "religious aspect' when I don't get it how there can be this religious aspect when I sit at a meeting with an atheist, buddhiist, jew, catholic, agnostic, hindu.....
exactly what religion is it???
prolly none as AA isn't religious.
its spiritual.
could be your averse out of fear- fear you might get called out on lies youre living that your therapists hears?
going to AA doesn't mean you have to accept youre an alcoholic, but is that such a bad thing anyways?
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
I can relay my experience.
I stayed sober for a year using only SR; and I feel strongly I could stay sober continuing on.
However; I decided to add AA to my recovery. Why? I wanted to make sure I was doing everything possible to make sure that in addition to not drinking, I was living a happy, full life sober. Now that I am going to meetings, have a sponsor and am beginning the steps I am learning how to live. These are tools I don't believe I ever really possessed. I often wrestled with irritability, restlessness, and discontent (referenced in the Big Book) even when not drinking for months and months. In other words, I was miserable drinking and (often not always) miserable sober. AA is teaching me the tools to live a happy life.
Getting sober left me feeling isolated and lonely; same as drinking. Meeting people who understand me....no explanations necessary, is amazing.
I stayed sober for a year using only SR; and I feel strongly I could stay sober continuing on.
However; I decided to add AA to my recovery. Why? I wanted to make sure I was doing everything possible to make sure that in addition to not drinking, I was living a happy, full life sober. Now that I am going to meetings, have a sponsor and am beginning the steps I am learning how to live. These are tools I don't believe I ever really possessed. I often wrestled with irritability, restlessness, and discontent (referenced in the Big Book) even when not drinking for months and months. In other words, I was miserable drinking and (often not always) miserable sober. AA is teaching me the tools to live a happy life.
Getting sober left me feeling isolated and lonely; same as drinking. Meeting people who understand me....no explanations necessary, is amazing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 48
Thanks for all the responses. I should try and keep an open mind about it. There's definitely no such thing as too much support. And yes, I suppose I have an impression in my mind from a million films and tv shows that probably bears no relation to the truth. I also don't consider myself to be particularly spiritual but I LOVE your suggestion of reading the Big Book, TomSteve.
And I suppose like most alcoholics, I have been lying to myself a lot, although I am striving to be more honest, so I will say that I hate meeting groups of new people sober, still really struggle with that, and this also really puts me off AA meetings!
And I suppose like most alcoholics, I have been lying to myself a lot, although I am striving to be more honest, so I will say that I hate meeting groups of new people sober, still really struggle with that, and this also really puts me off AA meetings!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
It's possible the therapist doesn't know about the other treatments for alcohol addiction. Ask about Rational Recovery or CBT. Maybe your therapist thinks you can benefit from group support.
AA is a good program. The Steps are very helpful in rebuilding our lives. I did not enjoy the meetings. I was lucky to find an excellent sponsor that understood the disease of alcoholism and the treatment. It must be treated daily.
To me, religion has no place in the meetings. Sharing a common Spirituality is important, though.
Love from Lenina
AA is a good program. The Steps are very helpful in rebuilding our lives. I did not enjoy the meetings. I was lucky to find an excellent sponsor that understood the disease of alcoholism and the treatment. It must be treated daily.
To me, religion has no place in the meetings. Sharing a common Spirituality is important, though.
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
and what is the absolutely WORST thing that could happen is you tried out ONE meeting???? just went with an OPEN mind, sat and listened.....
here's a meeting finder, can't hurt to see what might work with your commute and location??
Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd
here's a meeting finder, can't hurt to see what might work with your commute and location??
Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Do what feels good for you, but maybe you should try a meeting. I am not a regular attendee, but I go occasionally. Interestingly enough my psychiatrist is not a fan of AA at all, and while he wouldn't discourage me from going he has suggested other programs instead.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Sobriety date 7/15/2015
Posts: 13,350
I think your therapist needs to back off and not be so controlling. Attraction not promotion. It's natural to resist any kind of push..at least it is for me. Is he in AA...if so is he being an example? It should at least be your own choice/decision to be effective. All he can do is suggest.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Has your therapist been insisting on AA for a while, due to your relapses, or only more recently? I would ask him why he insists so much on AA in particular if you clearly have an aversion. Are you against going to AA in particular or in any recovery group in general? Depending on where you are, there may be more options if you do want a face-to-face community.
I think that for many people refusing to participate in recovery strategies is indeed a sign of denial or resistance, but it's not necessarily that simple. Have you tried to exploring it with the therapist more deeply? You don't mention what kind of therapy you are in, not all aim for such things. One of my greatest realizations and lessons in all my therapy experience came from exploring my avoidance tendencies... first it opened what seemed like a gigantic can of worms and a complicated web, but tapping into it deeply has taken all of it to identifying something that is in the core of many, many things I tend to do in my life, drives me into a variety of not-so-constructive things, and what I refused to acknowledge earlier. I would have never thought that the current underlying many of my issues is so simple and, in a way, elegant. Also something I can work on in many investigative and practical ways, using therapy and other tools. But the whole thing started from trying to dissect my avoidance of certain things and my addictive tendencies.
Perhaps even the reaction you describe ("I kind of want to punch my therapist for repeatedly mentioning it") might be interesting to explore, why you feel so strongly about it.
My recent personal experience has also been that therapy was not enough for me to stop a relapse and probably would not be enough to prevent it either. If for nothing else, because the therapists are typically available during set times and not just randomly, anytime we struggle with cravings or other elements of staying sober after relapse. This depends on the person and specific experience though. I did not use 3D recovery group much first time when I got sober, only SR and a few AA meetings here and there. During and after my relapse though, I feel that I needed much more and I am pretty certain therapy alone (no matter how I like it and find it helpful for a variety of things) would not cut it.
I think that for many people refusing to participate in recovery strategies is indeed a sign of denial or resistance, but it's not necessarily that simple. Have you tried to exploring it with the therapist more deeply? You don't mention what kind of therapy you are in, not all aim for such things. One of my greatest realizations and lessons in all my therapy experience came from exploring my avoidance tendencies... first it opened what seemed like a gigantic can of worms and a complicated web, but tapping into it deeply has taken all of it to identifying something that is in the core of many, many things I tend to do in my life, drives me into a variety of not-so-constructive things, and what I refused to acknowledge earlier. I would have never thought that the current underlying many of my issues is so simple and, in a way, elegant. Also something I can work on in many investigative and practical ways, using therapy and other tools. But the whole thing started from trying to dissect my avoidance of certain things and my addictive tendencies.
Perhaps even the reaction you describe ("I kind of want to punch my therapist for repeatedly mentioning it") might be interesting to explore, why you feel so strongly about it.
My recent personal experience has also been that therapy was not enough for me to stop a relapse and probably would not be enough to prevent it either. If for nothing else, because the therapists are typically available during set times and not just randomly, anytime we struggle with cravings or other elements of staying sober after relapse. This depends on the person and specific experience though. I did not use 3D recovery group much first time when I got sober, only SR and a few AA meetings here and there. During and after my relapse though, I feel that I needed much more and I am pretty certain therapy alone (no matter how I like it and find it helpful for a variety of things) would not cut it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by SoberFreckles 
And I suppose like most alcoholics, I have been lying to myself a lot, although I am striving to be more honest, so I will say that I hate meeting groups of new people sober, still really struggle with that, and this also really puts me off AA meetings!
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
Your therapist is trying to help you.
AA saves lives.
Alcoholics who resist admitting they are alcoholic die.
AA is not religious. It's spiritual. There's a huge difference.
I wish I had listened years ago to the first therapist who recommended 12-step programs but I was too full of fear to follow her guidance.
AA saves lives.
Alcoholics who resist admitting they are alcoholic die.
AA is not religious. It's spiritual. There's a huge difference.
I wish I had listened years ago to the first therapist who recommended 12-step programs but I was too full of fear to follow her guidance.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
Your therapist is trying to help you.
AA saves lives.
Alcoholics who resist admitting they are alcoholic tend to have bad things happen.
AA is not religious. It's spiritual. There's a huge difference.
I wish I had listened years ago to the first therapist who recommended 12-step programs but I was too full of fear to follow her guidance.
AA saves lives.
Alcoholics who resist admitting they are alcoholic tend to have bad things happen.
AA is not religious. It's spiritual. There's a huge difference.
I wish I had listened years ago to the first therapist who recommended 12-step programs but I was too full of fear to follow her guidance.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Well, sounds like he has some pretty strong feelings on the matter. Maybe he's seen a lot of people fail without a community of support.
Maybe he's been in AA himself.
Maybe he sees something you don't see in yourself.
Maybe he's just a pompous a**.
Maybe he is picking up on some concerning vibes underpinning your success and is genuinely concerned for you.
Maybe he just thinks it's a good idea.
I guess the why doesn't really matter so much. He's a therapist, he's going to tell you what he thinks and reflect what his background, training and experience with you and with others moves him to suggest.
Doesn't mean you have any obligation to follow his guidance.
Now all that said;
For a lot of years I had a perception of AA. I once got court ordered to do it, and carried that perception in with me. Kept it the whole time, did my bit and was done with it. AA "wasn't for me".
Some years later and more struggles with addiction, I found myself back in AA with a more open mind. There were still things I didn't click with. Still pieces that I railed against. But I softened a bit and just focused on those things I found positive.
Turns out, there are a lot of positives. It IS nice to be among a real live face to face fellowship of others who have chosen sobriety. I've made a few good friends. I've learned a lot - about myself, about addiction, about growing up. I've never been to AA and felt like it was a waste of time. I've often felt it ought to be called "Humans Anonymous" instead of Alcoholics Anonymous - because so much of what is talked about is just the stuff of being human.
I don't go all the time. In fact I've maybe been to three meetings in the past 4 months. But I keep it as an option. I go back when I feel called to. I go back to check in with friends and to share my own experience, strength and hope and to remind myself again how fortunate I am to have chosen sobriety.
Maybe your therapist is onto something. Maybe there would be value in checking it out and including AA in your bag of sobriety tools. You don't have to convert. You don't have to sign up for life. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You can go to meetings as much or as little as YOU want, and you can take or leave the pieces that you feel compelled to. Some will tell you that's not true... that you MUST follow the program or else. Well, that hasn't been my experience.
I value and even cherish what AA has been for me, what it has brought to my life and the giveback that I've been able to offer through it. If there's even a little part of you that wonders what good might come of it, I encourage you to give it a shot and see what's in it for you. If nothing else, you will surely learn something and you will have more substantive reasons for your therapist as to why it's not for you if that's what you decide.
Maybe he's been in AA himself.
Maybe he sees something you don't see in yourself.
Maybe he's just a pompous a**.
Maybe he is picking up on some concerning vibes underpinning your success and is genuinely concerned for you.
Maybe he just thinks it's a good idea.
I guess the why doesn't really matter so much. He's a therapist, he's going to tell you what he thinks and reflect what his background, training and experience with you and with others moves him to suggest.
Doesn't mean you have any obligation to follow his guidance.
Now all that said;
For a lot of years I had a perception of AA. I once got court ordered to do it, and carried that perception in with me. Kept it the whole time, did my bit and was done with it. AA "wasn't for me".
Some years later and more struggles with addiction, I found myself back in AA with a more open mind. There were still things I didn't click with. Still pieces that I railed against. But I softened a bit and just focused on those things I found positive.
Turns out, there are a lot of positives. It IS nice to be among a real live face to face fellowship of others who have chosen sobriety. I've made a few good friends. I've learned a lot - about myself, about addiction, about growing up. I've never been to AA and felt like it was a waste of time. I've often felt it ought to be called "Humans Anonymous" instead of Alcoholics Anonymous - because so much of what is talked about is just the stuff of being human.
I don't go all the time. In fact I've maybe been to three meetings in the past 4 months. But I keep it as an option. I go back when I feel called to. I go back to check in with friends and to share my own experience, strength and hope and to remind myself again how fortunate I am to have chosen sobriety.
Maybe your therapist is onto something. Maybe there would be value in checking it out and including AA in your bag of sobriety tools. You don't have to convert. You don't have to sign up for life. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You can go to meetings as much or as little as YOU want, and you can take or leave the pieces that you feel compelled to. Some will tell you that's not true... that you MUST follow the program or else. Well, that hasn't been my experience.
I value and even cherish what AA has been for me, what it has brought to my life and the giveback that I've been able to offer through it. If there's even a little part of you that wonders what good might come of it, I encourage you to give it a shot and see what's in it for you. If nothing else, you will surely learn something and you will have more substantive reasons for your therapist as to why it's not for you if that's what you decide.
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