Endeavor

Well I wouldn't consider myself a wise man, but I do have some advice. Get a new therapist. If they aren't on board with your method of getting back to a healthy state, find someone who does. Therapy and support are very important if you're trying to improve yourself, so don't let it go; but maybe check out some other resources that may be a better fit for you.

Maybe you are an alcoholic in denial, or maybe you have a drinking problem, or maybe you use alcohol for support in some way. The point is, alcohol is involved and that's really what needs to be focused on.

How you do it is up to you of course, but find something that actually helps you achieve the goal. Let's not be so stuck on stigma that maybe attending a meeting once or twice would be such a bad thing. You may learn something which gives you perspective.

jaynie04

I had a similar experience with a therapist in early sobriety, however, I had a complicated history with AA as the daughter of an old timer who got sober 30+ years ago.

I am sober three years and I don't go to AA. However, I am sure growing up as a child who was often in the rooms and surrounded by AA people rubbed off on me. I think it made it easier to quit for good because I truly believe alcoholism is progressive, so it probably saved me a lot of time in the bargaining/questioning phase. I had been brought up to believe that if you have to try to manage your drinking the gig is up, and the only solution is to stop drinking permanently.

I attended a few meetings early on in my sobriety but they didn't click. SR proved to be exactly what I needed. However, if you are unfamiliar with AA I would suggest hitting a few meetings and giving it a chance. Worst case you meet others who share your struggle, and best case it might click.

I think the people who find sobriety are those who keep open minds and try everything even if it feels uncomfortable. I boarded a plane and went to rehab on the other side of the country, I was completely out of my element for 30 straight days, but it was exactly what I needed. This might be an old AA adage, but I remember hearing once "if it feels like a warm bath in early sobriety, it is probably not the right choice".

Addictions therapists sadly see way too many relapse so I understand why they encourage patients to seek out as many means of support as possible. AA is free, widely available and if you decide it is not for you at least you have made an informed decision.

tomsteve

its not the responsibility of a therapist to get on board with a patients methods of getting sober.

if a therapist got on board with all the insane ideas of patients and backed em on their insane ideas, thered be a LOT more deaths from alcohol.

I could be wrong,though. but it seems pretty screwed up to pay a therapist to have them say something like," yeah, alcohol and drugs took ya to the point of death so I see no harm in trying this moderation or recreational usage you speak of. maybe just using/ drinking on the weekends wont kill ya."

biminiblue

geez, tomsteve - strawman much? That's not what the therapist said.

I got something out of AA meetings, but they aren't for me long-term. I also am not a fan of "therapists." I think each person has to make their own choices and suffer their own consequences and learn at their own pace - and only I know me. It's still between me and me (or HP/God.)

If I had a therapist who continued to push something after I said no (apparently more than once...) I would absolutely look for a new "therapist." They have the same control and projection issues that other humans do.

SoberLife90

I resisted AA in the beginning. I also underestimated the seriousness of the disease of alcoholism. I wanted to do things my own way and was totally against going to AA. haha. I managed a year of sobriety, but I went back to AA to find out something about the program so I could try to obtain my driver's license. I eventually got a sponsor and began to work the steps. My life started to change!

Today my life is wonderful. I could never have lived as high quality of life without the program of alcoholics anonymous. If you attend a meeting and your honest, open minded, and willing your life will also began to change.

It was the 2nd best decision I ever made next to get sober.

Centered3

We all have been in your shoes, and we all had to keep an open mind about it.

The way movies and tv shows represent AA meetings is not very accurate.

Most of us were not spiritual when we started to attend AA. Most of us didn't even know what spiritual even meant.

I love that suggestion, too. Even better would be to read the Big Book with a Big Book sponsor, so he can explain it to you. :-)

Yup we're all really good at that. It's a character defect we all have--the dishonesty piece. Lying to ourselves is a form of self-protection, but you'll see how it does much more harm than good.

[/QUOTE]although I am striving to be more honest, so I will say that I hate meeting groups of new people sober, still really struggle with that, and this also really puts me off AA meetings![/QUOTE]

I think a lot of us would say that we've been there, too. I could never stand the thought of group meetings but because of that, I put off going to AA for much longer than I could have. Now I love it, because I'm much healthier than I used to be.

I've never met a newcomer who was happy to go to AA. That's why we can spot ya all instantaneously. We were once like you. :-)

Centered3

.

uncorked

I've been to my share of AA meetings and I can say with confidence that it isn't for me. I disagree with so much of the 12 Steps bedrock and their pat phrases that there's no way I could go in a meeting and, say, pretend to accept that I'm "a moral failure" (Step 6, I think) because I have a drinking problem.

Your therapist needs to back off, and I would tell him so. AA isn't for everyone. That said, there's no harm in going to a meeting and see if it resonates with you. I found that people talked so much about their hopeless situations and so much about alcohol that I was depressed when I left.

You've managed to be sober an impressive 18 months (congrats!!!!). Whatever you're doing now is obviously working for you.

I went to inpatient rehab (not 12 step based) and have been sober for 8 months. I use SR a lot. My rehab also has an online meeting once a week for the first year we are out.

I think a lot of therapists only know about AA. They don't realize there are other programs. I've discussed this with my psychiatrist and she's been very open minded. She said a lot of her patients dislike AA and are looking for other options.

MIRecovery

I am wondering why you would go to a professional and then ignore their advice?

Zebra1275

Psychotherapy is expensive.

At an AA meeting, people who have the means throw a buck in the basket when it is passed around.

If you try AA and find it works, you can drop the psychotherapy and use that extra money to fund your retirement account.

Maybe I'm just too practical.

freshstart57

Most get sober without a 'formal program of recovery'. About 75%, according to an NIAA longitudinal study of over 40,000 alcoholics. There are many routes to sobriety, and while some have found theirs, it is up to you to find yours.

Ask your therapist about evidence-based treatment if you would like a more interesting discussion. Ask for evidence and ask questions. Do whatever you must do, maybe it includes 12 step methods, maybe it doesn't. It is up to you to find out for yourself what is the right way for you.

Make it as easy as you can for yourself, you deserve a life without all this addiction crap, don't you think? Decide what it will mean for you when you make a plan about continuing to use alcohol. And then go and get it. You can do this. Decide you will, and then do. Onward!

esinger

Most addiction specialists- therapists are heavily twelve step influenced. I was kind of the opposite of you and started my road to sobriety in AA, then rehab, then AA. Now I'm on my own path and doing better than ever. I'm not a big fan but can't say it wasn't a learning experience. That being said; I guess you won't know what it's all about if you never check it out. What ever keeps YOU sober and content is the only true path.

hellrzr

Sounds to me like you have a pretty darn good therapist! It would be wise to heed their advice and not listen to what your head is telling you. Remember, its the same head that got you in the predicament to start with. Your thinking is flawed and broken and it sounds like your therapist knows that and is trying to get you to work with some people who think like you do and can get you some help.

I would be leery of anyone giving you advice to find a new therapist. That same type of person goes from sponsor to sponsor in AA because they can never seem to find anyone to agree with how they think about things..... the same thinking that got them into AA to start with!

Good job on a month sober! With the help of your therapist and AA you'll be years sober in no time!

kittycat3

The best therapist I've ever had (and I've been to more than a few) used to really tick me off with suggestions time to time. I came to discover that whenever that happened, she was onto something

Also, after 6 years of sobriety without AA, then 5 years of being off/on the wagon, I am going to AA regularly. I will be honest, I didn't wake up one day saying I wanted to try it, but I went out of complete desperation after having a blackout drunk and hangover so bad I literally wanted to die. I knew I had to reach out. 75 days later I feel stronger than I have in a long time and I'm so grateful for what I'm learning and the community I am in.
So yeah I'd say go to a meeting or several before you make up your mind about it. Just go, make it a study in human behavior and groups.

SoberFreckles

Wow! Thank you all so much. I am definitely going to commit to a minimum of a month's meetings, just to try it out, give it a proper chance. I am actually excited now by the idea!

Between you all, there is a huge amount of great advice and suggestions, some of which has quite rightly challenged me, and I really appreciate all the kindness and the food for thought.

MaidenNZ

tomsteve !@#$%^&*(#$%^&*($%^&*($%^&*%^&

soberfreckles well done on 18 months. Be true to yourself. If you don't think you need it then you probably don't if youre still maintaining your sobriety

MLD51

FreeOwl said:
Turns out, there are a lot of positives. It IS nice to be among a real live face to face fellowship of others who have chosen sobriety. I've made a few good friends. I've learned a lot - about myself, about addiction, about growing up. I've never been to AA and felt like it was a waste of time. I've often felt it ought to be called "Humans Anonymous" instead of Alcoholics Anonymous - because so much of what is talked about is just the stuff of being human.

I agree so much with this. AA is just another tool for me. I resisted the "GOD" part for a while, but if you read the big book carefully, it only says that you need to find a higher power of some sort - it does not have to be a christian god or even a god at all. That's just the word they use. The real reason behind the higher power idea is that it's important to stop trying to control everything in your life yourself - you can't, and if you get on board with the idea that there's something else at work in the universe, it frees you up to accept help and let go of things you can't control. Not just addiction, but other things in your life you spend so much energy trying to make go the way you want them to. There is so much useful stuff in AA, if you can wade through the stuff that doesn't work for you. All meetings are different. You can choose a path that works for you within the rooms. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

cairn

Lol we pay good $$$ for private self-examination, unraveling and focusing the mysteries thereof, with a 'confessor' we can only dare be 60% truthful with, not realizing there are pure experts at self, who after years of obsessive study, bare all free at a 99% concentration.

I heard a once angry irish redhead at an AA meeting, after a series of arguments with professionals about not being alcoholic, finally went to check it out just to get them off his case. Said he was stupefied. All these pros had been telling him what he oughtta do, suddenly he was in a room full of uncoerced relaxed people all saying 'this is what i did'. Threw in the towel right there. Traded his anxious apart-ment for at-one-ment. Found a book already written allllll about him. Laughed out loud for the first time in years. Walks a free and happy and sane and purposeful man.

It's not for everyone, and it did have a religious origin, and medical and psych, but it broke off on its own because for the most part drinkers can't swallow religion, and discovered they didn't need it.

It's just drinkers who meet and relate themselves in every which way to that impossible treasure map laid out in the original text.

They get well and live free and happy, mysteries unraveled all by themselves, while the pious in the church all the rest of the week still sit around waiting on the second coming. lol it's all good

I don't like AA meetings either. Make up my own mind about stuff. Sure don't go for the holding hands praying bit. Sit near the door. No conformity required and if you don't like one group you can shop around and even start your own, or condemn the whole lot wholesale. Don't matter one whit. We're all rugged individualists! Come and go as we please if we please. If i started a meeting there would be no babies allowed, so we can smoke and cuss properly.

sg1970

You've gotten some good thoughts here. I just have a few random ones.

No one wants to go to AA. I've never seen anyone at their first meeting that was ecstatic LOL.

I've attended several different meetings and groups and they all had a different vibe. I was about to throw in the towel on it but visited one last meeting that I really jived with. I may get flamed for saying this but some meetings are better than others (or perhaps are more suitable for different people is a better way to say it).

I think you have to grab onto whatever you can and hang on to it. It might be a mish mash of systems but I believe in the long term you have to keep doing something.

Best wishes in your sobriety.

uncorked

Just curious, what gave you the idea that his thinking is "flawed and broken"? He's been sober for a year and a half. Sounds like he's doing something right. If I had a therapist who was constantly pushing me to do something I didn't want to do and didn't offer ANY additional resources for achieving this goal, I'd be looking for a new counselor, too.