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Chickenlady's Accountability thread

Old 07-19-2016, 03:55 PM
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well done chickenlady
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Old 07-19-2016, 04:04 PM
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Oh yes I am celebrating today!! Day 21 was greatly tested today. I began the day with the positive disposition of a Disney Princess, and the world just kept throwing little stress balls at me all day. I cranked the country music and kept rolling! I did kick a copier though, I totally lost my cool and showed that copier who was boss. It did nearly make me cry. 😣 (one teeny tiny slip of paper that I could barely reach, took 30 minutes out of my day)
After that, I reigned in the crazy go nuts, and tackled my to do list as well as my sick co worker's and very nearly felt ahead of the game when I ran screaming to my car after work. 😲
Guess I'm working hard for that vacation time.
I got home and the guys made me paleo pizza zucchini boats for dinner, and picked up some dark chocolate for dessert. Made this a great ending to a crazy day. That's my gratitude moment and my beautiful moment.
21 days feels really great, y'all. I'm also down ten pounds so there's a great side effect. I haven't talked about my weight much because I really want this to be a sobriety journey and not an "oh i quit drinking and magically all the weight came off" deal. I know the weight is going to come off, I'm missing a couple thousand calories from my evening meals a few times each week.
I've also been noticing that I haven't had a binge eating episode since starting again this time around. For example we went to a burger place, where I would have gotten a huge burger, shake, and sweet potato fries, instead I just had a bacon cheese burger, plain iced coffee, and just snagged about four of my buddies fries. I was happy, I didn't feel like I was missing anything and I was satisfied. It was the same feeling that I had last night with those little lime a ritas, that lusty motivation was not there. I really wish I could explain it, but I just don't have that feeling. I'm not eating pints of ben and jerrys to ease the sadness of not drinking (just a scoop at a time) and I'm not feeling as sad as I have before. Just something for me to think about, what's really different this time? I've always had an eating disorder and I've had a drinking problem since high school, so the absence of these feelings makes no sense to me. Now I'm just waiting for them to find their way back to the surface I guess...😏
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Old 07-19-2016, 04:33 PM
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congrats on 3 weeks!!

I hope you have a nice vacation with your family! I think your grateful attitude is getting you far.
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Old 07-20-2016, 03:44 AM
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Thank you midwest, we're getting a condo right on the beach and my hubs entire family comes from kansas and oklahoma and we just play games, nap, and yell at our children together. Lol. I can't wait. A whole mess of NOTHING. ⛱
Day 22!!! Whoah folks, it's Wednesday🐪, I just have to survive till friday and I'm free!!!👙🦄💃
Hubs and I were talking about it last night, and he was all I'm not going to drink much, I'll wake up and run with you and the girl. Eeek. I'm pretty jazzed about that comment, hopefully he's seeing how awesome I've been the past few weeks and wants to follow suit. Y'all, I've been nice, fun, hilarious, and not to mention I look so much younger when I don't look like a racoon. 🐼 (yep that's a panda, but it the only visual I have with dark circles around the eyes, so deal, I love my emojis.)
My plan today is work, but not nearly as hard as I did yesterday, I'm definitely making time for a lunch break today. I've got to start working my way to vacation mode. I just have a large meeting to set up for this morning, then finish the few things on mine and my coworkers list and I have a to prep for tomorrow's large meeting. Then home to make this shrimp and broccoli meal I pinned and starting some vacay prep, and bed. Easy. Breezy.
Just go out, adjust your attitude and make things happen today. 😄🌻🦄
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Old 07-20-2016, 03:52 AM
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I love reading your posts! Sobriety definitely suits you.
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Old 07-20-2016, 09:28 AM
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Thank you, luvmygirls. Today, that sobriety is being tested, with stress. In the past, stress has been a huge motivator for my drinking. Sort of like, I'm an adult, I'm stressed, so this bottle of merlot is justified. As we all know, booze is a depressant, so we know that it truly is not helping.
I had a rough morning full of people who refuse to problem solve for themselves, fires to be tended to, and trying to figure out what I'm doing today. I've got this. I'm turning my frown upside down, I'm sending short apology emails to a few people I was a complete goblin 🐉 to. I'm not great with immediate stress, which is precisely why I don't work patient reception any more. Plus many folks don't like using their brains and rely on others for the immediate answer. Y'all, stop, think, and try to figure out the problem before going to someone else for the easy out. Let's use our noggins.
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Old 07-21-2016, 03:29 AM
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I didn't do my wrap up yesterday because I was just so drained, so over tired, I just got home played with my kids and went to bed. I'm exhausted, and I couldn't even sleep last night, tossing and turning like crazy. Anyhoo... day 23 here I come! I can't believe gow close I am to that one month mark! 🤗
I'm still tired this morning, so I made a HUGE cup of bulletproof coffee and put it in my new stainless steel tumbler hubs got for me. Off to our large manager meeting, which means I get off at 315 ish today, then going to the grocery store for a few beach items, home to do laundry and start cleaning, making burgers and sweet potato fries for dinner. Yum!! Happy Thursday y'all! Stay sober!
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Old 07-21-2016, 08:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Chickenlady06 View Post
I didn't do my wrap up yesterday because I was just so drained, so over tired, I just got home played with my kids and went to bed. I'm exhausted, and I couldn't even sleep last night, tossing and turning like crazy. Anyhoo... day 23 here I come! I can't believe gow close I am to that one month mark! 🤗
I'm still tired this morning, so I made a HUGE cup of bulletproof coffee and put it in my new stainless steel tumbler hubs got for me. Off to our large manager meeting, which means I get off at 315 ish today, then going to the grocery store for a few beach items, home to do laundry and start cleaning, making burgers and sweet potato fries for dinner. Yum!! Happy Thursday y'all! Stay sober!
You have been an inspiration for me. We started this journey at about the same time. I didn't commit to sobriety and have not been able to get sober. Seeing you post 23 days sober, and the positive posts you type gives me motivation today.

Thank you!
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Old 07-21-2016, 04:38 PM
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Ironhorse hang in there and keep trying. My first hundred attempts were all the same, saying oh I'm going to quit very half-heartedly, and getting drunk again a few days later. Then when I first found SR back in may, I got the farthest I've ever gotten (besides during pregnancy) with 27 days and on the 28th day, I used a family death as an excuse to down two bottles of chardonnay. This time I feel different, ao much more stable, maybe it's because I have this thread, and it certainly helps knowing people actually read all the crazy crap I lay out here. So thank you so much for saying that you read and that I'm helping you. It makes me feel so good!!

So today was an okay day, just an entire day long manager meeting, where I caught a couple pokemon during the boring parts for my kid. Not my fault, I flipped on the app and there they were right in the meeting. 😂 Went to the store, where all of the good beer was buy one get one, and as soon as I walked in to grab lettuce and a freaking tomato, some chick was pushing beer on me. I waved her off politely and ended up also buying chocolate and a tea to reward my resilience in the face of all that craziness. I didn't really want any beer, but the habit of seeing the bogo and loading up nearly set in, the thought was very mechanical. I got over it and moved on with my life.
Now hubs and I are watching game of thrones we're only about 4 seasons behind, but we're not huge into tv, we're just watching for something to clear our brains at the end of the day. 23 is done. And tomorrow is Friday!! I work a half day and then head home to finish up cleaning and packing. Then Saturday morning we hit the road!!! Yay!!!
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Old 07-22-2016, 02:50 AM
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Oh my goodness. It is so hard to get out of bed on the last day of work before vacation...I don't wanna go!!! 😣 But if I want food and coffee for breakfast I have to get out of bed now! When I get to work, I'm immediately checking my hours and hoping I can get out of there by 1. I'm in super vacation mode, and I still have quite a bit to get done today. I packed everything, so bikinis, leggings, and flipflops. I'm having a no pants week next week. Today's plan is to just surrender to the joy of going on vacation!

I've missed a couple days of gratitude and beautiful moments so I wanted to sneak some un this morning, while I'm still positive. I'm grateful for the opportunity to work hard so that I can afford to go on vacation. We haven't always been so lucky and a whole week of actual vacation is a first for our family. Hubs and I have great jobs that are often stressful, but times like this make it all worth it.
Beauty moment, my daughter locked herself in the dog cage last night. Just climbed right in and made herself at home, which was awesome, because I got to clean the kitchen without having to stop and figure out where she crawled off to every few seconds. Babies are so fast.

I am also do excited about the clarity that being sober has brought me, and I am finding that I am a much happier person this way. I told my hubs, my brain is on FIRE!!! I've been in top of things at work and barely forgetting anything. Its so awesome!! 🦄🌻💃⛱🎶
Off to crush day 24 if I can roll myself out of bed. 😑
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Old 07-22-2016, 04:47 PM
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Okay, let me end day 24 on a positive note. Hubs and I fought this evening, and I am just vibrating with anger and anxiety. It's always fights over nothing, he's right, I'm wrong, blah blah blah. Not worth all the feelings I'm having right now and I'm forcing myself to feel all of them. I also forgot how raged I get when I have to deal with real emotions, I'm going to have to learn some breathing techniques. I was crying in the shower and I got a flare of rage and punched the wall! 😕 I had forgotten about that side of myself, I usually sedate my rage with alcohol. I remember as a kid, I would punch the crap out of my older brother and I threw stuff, but I just thought I was a crappy kid. Anyways, with that in mind, I found a relaxation app by a guy Sunflowerlife had suggested and I am about to try that. But exploring my feelings here is helping me to lift the rage fog and think more clearly.
I do remember my mom dealing with rage a lot when I was a kid, I was often on the other end of it, being the youngest and the most trouble. I've never raged against my kids like my mom did, but when my boy was younger, if I started to feel that way, I'd send him to bed and down a bottle of wine. Sounds like I'm pretty unstable writing it out like that. I can do this, I can find ways to deal with my emotions without being drunk or a total basket case. I can do this.
Let's see something positive, well tomorrow we will be on the road to the beach condo and I will have plenty of family members as buffers and won't have to hang out with my drunk husband all week. His step mom doesn't drink, and she's my favorite, so I'm sticking by her side and my friend that knows I'm sober, and I'm going to have a great week!

Last edited by Chickenlady06; 07-22-2016 at 04:48 PM. Reason: Update
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Old 07-23-2016, 01:07 AM
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Day 25. And feeling so much better! The relaxation thing worked really well for me, like having someone talk you down from the ledge, if you're having stress issues I definitely suggest you try it. I have a feeling I'll be listening to it a few times this week. I woke up an hour early, because I'm so darn excited!!! We get on the road in two hours. So I'm getting my mind in check, to not be a snarky passive aggressive b to the hubs. Just let it go. I'll be on the road for 6 hours today, so I'll be peeking around the forums seeing what is going on.
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Old 07-23-2016, 01:18 AM
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Have a great time CL remember to check in hun
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Old 07-23-2016, 05:27 AM
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Enjoy your holiday and send us some beach pics chickenlady!
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Old 07-23-2016, 05:41 AM
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Thank you soberwolf and hawkeye, things are much better in the light of day. I've got my palm tree leggings on and 4 hours till we have our kickoff lunch at Hooters in Pensacola with my father in law! I'm so ready.
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Old 07-26-2016, 03:51 AM
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Back to day one, but I'm not trying to beat myself up over here. I drank, got drunk, and felt like crap all day yesterday. I know, I should have posted, walked out of the room, a million things I should have done. That automatic pull to have to have a drink to have fun is real powerful. The biggest thing here is, I had a goal, and I got in my own way. So I'll be doing my daily posting for the rest of my vacation, because I'd really like to remember and enjoy all of this. Being with my family is so much fun, watching them with the girl and seeing the boy run around with all of his cousins has filled me with so much love and joy. I am about to take a morning walk, and catch some pokemon. Lol. I started the game to play with the boy, but I haven't even let him play it yet. Bad mommy moment over here. It is a great vacation timewaster and all the kids are helping me figure it out, and the boy is in charge of battles and growing the darn things. My plan today, is to stay busy, vacation busy, so naps, playing games and running around on the beach. Always have my water in my hand and enjoy every moment. Happy tuesday, and stay sober folks!
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Old 07-26-2016, 04:05 AM
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You can do this CL x
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Old 07-26-2016, 05:16 AM
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That automatic pull to have to have a drink to have fun is real powerful.
All those thoughts you had of what you might have done - you can remember them next time - you really do have the power Chickenlady

If you want change, make change.
Make good decisions from now on

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Old 07-26-2016, 03:48 PM
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Get right back up and keep going cl I know you can get this done
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Old 07-28-2016, 07:00 PM
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Checking on this thread, and hoping you bounced back into your program...either way, please post. Hope all is well. 😊
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