My God! What have I done?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
The speed with which the old behaviours have returned has been absolutely terrifying!
Been there, Done that.
Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, and patient. I've learned to be vigilant, because one drink can open the flood gates.
Been there, Done that.
Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, and patient. I've learned to be vigilant, because one drink can open the flood gates.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 138
I did have a plan - I just let my guard down.
Some of us had intricate familiarity with that 'strange mental blank spot', where every sound reason to avoid drink, especially when we lost control of the amount once started, are all too easily pushed aside in favor of some comparatively trivial idea for taking one. We find that knowledge of the workings of the mind did not save us. Nor did philosophies of life in which we sought comfort and inspiration. We picked it up like it was ginger ale. The most powerful desire to stop drinking was of absolutely no avail. It almost seemed we were hijacked. In the end, the will to do battle just isn't there. Oblivion will seem the only possible solution. Self reliance, as marshaled by the will, in time, failed us utterly.
But you sound confident in your ability to repeat the mighty effort again! Hopefully this time it will be even easier to shake off, knowing what you now know! Perhaps you are not even alcoholic, and only merely enjoying a well earned bender! It certainly sounds like you had your fill and know what you need and intend to do. Hopefully it will be so, and you may carry on with a lovely life!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
I know I should have been more active on here but I did have a plan - I just let my guard down
glad you're back, Hendrix.
there is really nothing "miraculous" about stopping drinking and staying stopped. though it sure can feel that way!
whether you go the 12-step route or a different one, they all involve effort. work. doing.
i pulled out the quote above because it speaks to me of a fear-based plan, one where constant "guard up" is the key.
a plan that relies on constant circling-of-wagons gets exhausting pretty quickly and i can see why it would easily lead to "i need a break!" moment.
glad you're back, Hendrix.
there is really nothing "miraculous" about stopping drinking and staying stopped. though it sure can feel that way!
whether you go the 12-step route or a different one, they all involve effort. work. doing.
i pulled out the quote above because it speaks to me of a fear-based plan, one where constant "guard up" is the key.
a plan that relies on constant circling-of-wagons gets exhausting pretty quickly and i can see why it would easily lead to "i need a break!" moment.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Don't beat yourself up brother it won't help know you can do this you have done it before stay close & get involved again I loved the input you brought to this site your a good dude Hendrix hopefully spk soon bud
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome back Hendrix 
I think there's two parts to having a plan - one, is actually having a plan, and the other part is using it when you need it.
If you miss out that last step, then no matter how good the plan might be, it's kinda useless.
You;re not the first person to underestimate the task tho - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here, as always
D
I know I should have been more active on here but I did have a plan - I just let my guard down
I think there's two parts to having a plan - one, is actually having a plan, and the other part is using it when you need it.
If you miss out that last step, then no matter how good the plan might be, it's kinda useless.
You;re not the first person to underestimate the task tho - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here, as always
D
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Originally Posted by fini 
[I]
a plan that relies on constant circling-of-wagons gets exhausting pretty quickly and i can see why it would easily lead to "i need a break!" moment.
a plan that relies on constant circling-of-wagons gets exhausting pretty quickly and i can see why it would easily lead to "i need a break!" moment.
Thank you all for your support and non judgmental welcome back.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
I need to find an alternative to the desire for oblivion - to stop the world for a couple of hours when things get heavy.......
hm...i get that 'desire' when things get tough. not sure if it's a real desire or more a reaction...in any case, i hear the scream of "ESCAPE!! get me OUT of here!!"
and then i pause. stay there. nothing entirely horrible happens, surprise surprise. more like: wow. this sucks. sucks bigtime. wow. this is real. OMG.
and it's okay.
so i'm thinking we don't need an alternative to the desire, we need an alternative to the "solution" you went to, the action you did, which was to pick up drinking.
this is where "plan-stuff" comes in. or program to follow. or principles to live by/practice.
anyway.....hope you have a better day today.
hm...i get that 'desire' when things get tough. not sure if it's a real desire or more a reaction...in any case, i hear the scream of "ESCAPE!! get me OUT of here!!"
and then i pause. stay there. nothing entirely horrible happens, surprise surprise. more like: wow. this sucks. sucks bigtime. wow. this is real. OMG.
and it's okay.
so i'm thinking we don't need an alternative to the desire, we need an alternative to the "solution" you went to, the action you did, which was to pick up drinking.
this is where "plan-stuff" comes in. or program to follow. or principles to live by/practice.
anyway.....hope you have a better day today.
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Originally Posted by fini
so i'm thinking we don't need an alternative to the desire, we need an alternative to the "solution" you went to, the action you did, which was to pick up drinking.
this is where "plan-stuff" comes in. or program to follow. or principles to live by/practice.
anyway.....hope you have a better day today.
this is where "plan-stuff" comes in. or program to follow. or principles to live by/practice.
anyway.....hope you have a better day today.
A challenging but slightly better day today. The obsession has returned but it's bed time again and I've clocked up another "day 1"
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hendrix - I'm really glad you're back & wanting to talk things over.
I did the very same thing once. I was sober 3 yrs. & decided I could have a glass of wine at a wedding. Off I went for 7 yrs. - a pathetic attempt at moderating. Put myself through hell. I don't know why I needed further convincing - I already knew there could never be one drink for me.
Sorry for the misery you're experiencing - but it will end - and you'll have your life back.
I did the very same thing once. I was sober 3 yrs. & decided I could have a glass of wine at a wedding. Off I went for 7 yrs. - a pathetic attempt at moderating. Put myself through hell. I don't know why I needed further convincing - I already knew there could never be one drink for me.
Sorry for the misery you're experiencing - but it will end - and you'll have your life back.
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Originally Posted by cairn
If you are as seriously alcoholic as some become, in time you will know a pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization - you will be existing seemingly just to drink, and you will wish for the end. There will be an utter inability to enjoy life as you once did. You will be bewildered and alone in an alcoholic fog of insanity. You will know loneliness such as few do. There will always be one more attempt at control, and one more failure.
Some of us had intricate familiarity with that 'strange mental blank spot', where every sound reason to avoid drink, especially when we lost control of the amount once started, are all too easily pushed aside in favor of some comparatively trivial idea for taking one. We find that knowledge of the workings of the mind did not save us. Nor did philosophies of life in which we sought comfort and inspiration. We picked it up like it was ginger ale. The most powerful desire to stop drinking was of absolutely no avail. It almost seemed we were hijacked. In the end, the will to do battle just isn't there. Oblivion will seem the only possible solution. Self reliance, as marshaled by the will, in time, failed us utterly.
But you sound confident in your ability to repeat the mighty effort again! Hopefully this time it will be even easier to shake off, knowing what you now know! Perhaps you are not even alcoholic, and only merely enjoying a well earned bender! It certainly sounds like you had your fill and know what you need and intend to do. Hopefully it will be so, and you may carry on with a lovely life!
Some of us had intricate familiarity with that 'strange mental blank spot', where every sound reason to avoid drink, especially when we lost control of the amount once started, are all too easily pushed aside in favor of some comparatively trivial idea for taking one. We find that knowledge of the workings of the mind did not save us. Nor did philosophies of life in which we sought comfort and inspiration. We picked it up like it was ginger ale. The most powerful desire to stop drinking was of absolutely no avail. It almost seemed we were hijacked. In the end, the will to do battle just isn't there. Oblivion will seem the only possible solution. Self reliance, as marshaled by the will, in time, failed us utterly.
But you sound confident in your ability to repeat the mighty effort again! Hopefully this time it will be even easier to shake off, knowing what you now know! Perhaps you are not even alcoholic, and only merely enjoying a well earned bender! It certainly sounds like you had your fill and know what you need and intend to do. Hopefully it will be so, and you may carry on with a lovely life!
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