effortjoy

A few years ago, I used to drink every day. I reduced it to every other day and then decided for various time periods not to drink at all. Sometimes I stopped for one week. Sometimes one month. And twice I stopped completely for 6-8 months because I just didn't want alcohol in my life anymore. The last time I stopped for a while I went to some meetings, but then I decided to drink once a week on a weekend night on a regular basis. I stopped going to meetings and that was more than a year ago. I drink a lot once a week, I don't even know how much and I'm usually fine- not blacking out or feeling sick etc. But every few months I drink until blacking out, vomiting etc and it scares me. I have zero cravings to drink during the week, so I can't figure out if I should stop the binge drinking since it's only once a week and usually just helps me to relieve the stress of the week. Sometimes I think about stopping completely again; I think the less frequently I drink, the harder it is becoming for me to get alcohol out of my life again. Because it is so subtle and hard for me to define my drinking as a "problem" again when it "usually" isn't one.

FreeOwl

yeah...

I remember that stage.

then it got worse.

I hope you're able to just remove alcohol from your life and choose another path without having to ride the downward spiral to some terrifying places.

Dee74

Glad to hear form you effortjoy but sorry you're stil struggling.

Another vote for removing it completely here.

You've been dancing with alcohol guy for a long time..waxing, waning...it's always various shades of not good....no matter how infrequent the dance alcohol always leads...

There are other way more healthy ways to deal with stress:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html

D

Anna

Hi EffortJoy,

It does sound like alcohol is causing concerns in your life. And, if that's the case, stopping for good is the solution. Then there are no more worries about blacking out and other alcohol-related problems. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse, in its sneaky way, unless you stop drinking.

effortjoy

it's ironic because if I wouldn't have been able to reduce and keep my drinking to once a week for so long, I would be sober by now because there was no way that I was going to drink every day or even every other day anymore, it just made me too tired. So maybe the horrible consequences people face when they are unable to "reduce" drinking are really blessings in disguise. I am trying to convince myself that I have a good reason to stop completely and the only thing that I can come up with is : I don't sleep as well after I drink. Which is pathetic since I'm sure there must be other downsides to pouring glasses of poison down my throat once a week...

JD

Blacking out and vomiting aren't downsides?

effortjoy

But the vomiting and black outs are so rare, maybe once every four months, I'm having trouble convincing myself that they are a problem. of course, they are a problem, that's why I'm posting on a recovery forum and I've been struggling for years. My issue is that I am low on motivation to stop because I have "control" over when I drink. Please give me reasons to stop

JD

If I were a betting man I'd take some pretty high odds that it will get worse. It's up to you, you can feel lucky and continue what you're doing or quit while you're ahead. It's your decision.

entropy1964

Ok I'm confused. You can control your drinking, are ok with puking and/or blacking out every few months. You have been able to reduce your drinking. And you believe that if you were a low bottom drunk that somehow this would be a blessing and THEN you'd quit. Um, wait, what? Seriously, completely lost.

And you need us to give you reasons to quit completely? No can do. If you're not seeing any reason to quit, and you're good with where you are, why are you here?

I'm not making lite btw, just trying to understand.

least

I'd say quit entirely now before something really bad happens. Drinking never gets better, only worse.

effortjoy

posting here has made me realize how pathetic and stupid I sound, still making up excuses to keep drinking despite years of problem drinking. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm done. I don't know if I'll go back to meetings but at least for the first month I'm going to post on here everyday for the support. I'm on day three and I already feel free, tips on preventing relapse would be great if anyone has some. Thanks everyone !

LadyBlue0527

Hi effortjoy, you are far from pathetic and stupid. You have been pulled into the world of addiction. This is exactly what it does to you.

When I first saw your post it reminded me the lengths that we'll go to in order to continue drinking. It's exhausting.

I'm glad that you're here. Please keep reading and posting, there's a lot of great support!

Delilah1

Welcome back Effortjoy!!

First of all, I love your name!! You do not sound pathetic/stupid at all. Sounds like you have been struggling with alcohol in some shape or form for a while, and came back to SR because you were looking for ways to stop.

Stoooing completely will be better for your physical and emotional health. There are lots of different supports available, so try out some meetings and if thT doesn't seem the right fit try something else. SR has been my biggest support, I log on here daily and read and post. Each post that I read helps me in some way.

Glad you are back!

strategery

Anything can happen during those times when you black out. If you think you have control, it's an illusion. You could seriously hurt yourself or others, could end up in jail, etc. There have been a number of traffic fatalities out here tied to drinking. People get in their car after celebrating, go off an embankment and die. It's very sad. I'm sure they didn't think it would happen to them either.

entropy1964

Hey EJ
Good call. If alcohol weren't a problem, you wouldn't be here right? Alcoholics can take a long time to hit their bottom....how long do you want to be miserable?

I'm glad you're giving abstinence a go. Have you tried any F2F type meetings? AA, Smart?

U75

Man, I was right there with you. Allowed myself to get totally blotto just one day a week on the Weekend. My problem is that it eventually turned into a Friday, Saturday and Sunday binge. My Mondays were lost to the hangover, and my Tuesday was tiresome. Then Wednesday I'd be feeling okay, and by Friday I'd be ready to go again. Just a nasty cycle. After my last binge (two weeks ago), I didn't get better very fast. I had horrible withdrawal symptoms all week long. It turns out, the cycle of binge and recovery was doing more damage than if I just drank every day (kindling). Weekend binging is Alcoholism. I am an Alcoholic, and I am much more comfortable with myself now that I've finally stopped deluding myself.

Soberwolf

Hope your ok EJ

Dee74

great decision effortjoy - a winner's decision