I did something so stupid
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by MissNewLife 
The advice people gave u at meetings was to "not drink as much"???
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by least
I hope you'll stop drinking for good before something even worse happens. 
My mouth dropped at the danger you put yourself in.
Please don't do the 2 or 3 thing. It won't work for people like us!!
Perhaps you need more help than just meetings? Is treatment possible?
Honestly? My first reaction with my jaw dropped was that you need immediate in patient safety.
My prayers are with you.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by vulturine
I've been in the system for most of my life, and I'm sick of it now. That's why I won't do inpatient rehab. :/ I just get frustrated.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by vulturine
Me going to rehab is essentially like me checking myself into the hospital for being a danger to myself. There's just no way that's going to ever happen.
The fact that you keep coming here to a sobriety forum tells me that there is something inside you that knows all the posturing/denial/refusal is just BS, but that's something you'll need to figure out for yourself. I'd suggest printing out some of your posts here and taking them to your therapist so they can see the extremes of denial you are going through. Sometimes it's easier to show written material than actuallly saying it out loud.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by vulturine
I've been going to my meetings every week, but the only advice they could give was not drinking as much
Advice given to the alcoholics at meetings is to not drink.
Then they share with us how they did that.
Maybe more or different meetings would be of some help for you ?
I finally after some vain attempts to get and stay sober
picked out a hard core AA sponsor to work with me.
That was a smart first step that I made there.
MB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by vulturine
Me going to rehab is essentially like me checking myself into the hospital for being a danger to myself. There's just no way that's going to ever happen.
I kept an ongoing thread during this time, for me and for others who might be interested on what it is like. I'd post the link for you but you don't sound very convinced that you need or want that. However, if you click on my name you can search for threads I started and find it. I hope you will consider it.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by vulturine
Me going to rehab is essentially like me checking myself into the hospital for being a danger to myself. There's just no way that's going to ever happen.
ya wont go get help but its ok to get blackout drunk and jump on train tracks.
im not that smart but imo that's friggin insane.
im sorry ya put yourself on a pedestal higher than people that went to rehab and are now living awesome, sober lives.
HOWEVER
you can change your(mis) perception about rehab.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
Originally Posted by Irnldy001
I have been trying to be far less confrontational, but I admit, your post is highly triggering.
You are waving red flags all over the place.
First, you've listed that you are in Toronto. You also wrote that you jumped on train tracks. I will guess those were TTC tracks, which tells me you likely live fairly close to transit, in a city that is utterly full of public transit whether you are on the outskirts or in the core. Sooooo, that's out the window. Unless you are 90 minutes out, there is a bus/train/streetcar/lrt near you. Google AA meetings, there's likely one within a 10 minute walk of you. You don't have to believe in God. You just have to believe that you are alive today and the chances were fairly decent that you could have died and caused massive trauma to the driver and passengers on the next train. If you don't believe in God, then at least believe it was the universe tilting for you just one more time to give you a chance.
I didn't jump on tracks. I drank every night and went to work sober, tired, and hungover every day. So tired that I fell asleep in traffic driving my car. Again, the universe tilted my way, sort of. I was in very heavy traffic, maybe doing 8km an hour. I hit the car next to me. It woke me up. In more ways than one. I recognize that on another day, I could have fallen asleep at 100km hour. Me and the guy I hit would both likely be dead, as well as the other cars around us we would have slammed into.
I didn't want to find out more.
You wrote "I'm such an idiot!". No. We are idiots when we accidentally slam our feet into the door jam. We are idiots when we spill our water over the table.
We are in grave danger when we jump on train tracks, drive on the highway, wake up in dumpsters, fill in the blank.
If you can get to school, you can get to a meeting. You wrote that you are alone? GO TO A MEETING. You wrote that this is the only support group anywhere near you? Again, you are somewhere in the 3rd largest city in North America. I'm calling you out again.
If you don't want to stop, don't. But if you are here, and if you are even remotely as terrified as we are of what you wrote, then you don't have much choice.
Sorry to be such a bummer, but I just can't not chime in here. If you want to know more about GTA groups, feel free to message me.
You are waving red flags all over the place.
First, you've listed that you are in Toronto. You also wrote that you jumped on train tracks. I will guess those were TTC tracks, which tells me you likely live fairly close to transit, in a city that is utterly full of public transit whether you are on the outskirts or in the core. Sooooo, that's out the window. Unless you are 90 minutes out, there is a bus/train/streetcar/lrt near you. Google AA meetings, there's likely one within a 10 minute walk of you. You don't have to believe in God. You just have to believe that you are alive today and the chances were fairly decent that you could have died and caused massive trauma to the driver and passengers on the next train. If you don't believe in God, then at least believe it was the universe tilting for you just one more time to give you a chance.
I didn't jump on tracks. I drank every night and went to work sober, tired, and hungover every day. So tired that I fell asleep in traffic driving my car. Again, the universe tilted my way, sort of. I was in very heavy traffic, maybe doing 8km an hour. I hit the car next to me. It woke me up. In more ways than one. I recognize that on another day, I could have fallen asleep at 100km hour. Me and the guy I hit would both likely be dead, as well as the other cars around us we would have slammed into.
I didn't want to find out more.
You wrote "I'm such an idiot!". No. We are idiots when we accidentally slam our feet into the door jam. We are idiots when we spill our water over the table.
We are in grave danger when we jump on train tracks, drive on the highway, wake up in dumpsters, fill in the blank.
If you can get to school, you can get to a meeting. You wrote that you are alone? GO TO A MEETING. You wrote that this is the only support group anywhere near you? Again, you are somewhere in the 3rd largest city in North America. I'm calling you out again.
If you don't want to stop, don't. But if you are here, and if you are even remotely as terrified as we are of what you wrote, then you don't have much choice.
Sorry to be such a bummer, but I just can't not chime in here. If you want to know more about GTA groups, feel free to message me.
Vulturine, i stopped drinking at 41. by then i had racked up two divorces, my kid leaving my home, a sunk career and ruined reputation in my field, two stays on a psych ward, numerous suicide attempts and a lot of mental illness.
in AA they talk of 'terminal uniqueness'. you may be right. you might be that one person who nothing works for. but please, consider that it's hard to say 'i told you so' from the morgue.
with the greatest of respect, you are no different from every other alcoholic. the power to change is within you. i just don't think you're ready for change yet.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
I'm eating fine. I live with my parents, and I have all the time in the world to think and reflect because I have no responsibilities. Taking vitamins. It isn't like it was before, but I still want to drink on weekends.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
Yeah, losing my reputation was hard. It was because of performance anxiety though. I never had any problems with performance anxiety before, so not being able to present my research really hurt me.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i thought you lost your job due to DRINKING.....at least that is what an earlier thread stated. also that in March you were diagnoses with Stage IV cirrhosis. a couple days ago you were out of your head drunk and o train tracks.
now all is fine, just fine, no big deal.
you are so young. is there a reason you aren't more in touch with how bad things are and how GOOD they could be if you would just stop drinking?? how do your folks feel about you going out and getting hammered and being out at all hours? i'm sure they must be very concerned about you.
now all is fine, just fine, no big deal.
you are so young. is there a reason you aren't more in touch with how bad things are and how GOOD they could be if you would just stop drinking?? how do your folks feel about you going out and getting hammered and being out at all hours? i'm sure they must be very concerned about you.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by vulturine
I'm eating fine. I live with my parents, and I have all the time in the world to think and reflect because I have no responsibilities. Taking vitamins. It isn't like it was before, but I still want to drink on weekends.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
vulturine, it sounds like you are not willing to use the resources that are available to you. You live in an area that offers many services available to you but you don't seem willing to take advantage of them. One thing I can say for sure; one day you will look back and wish you did. You experienced a horrible situation, yet it sounds like you are still open to drinking. That's classic alcoholic thinking. I hope I'm wrong, but even with going through such a terrible thing, you still want to continue drinking. I say this because you haven't mentioned any plan to get and stay sober. Taking vitamins and eating well are great, but that's not a plan. What are you willing to do to stop drinking? If you can't answer that than maybe just aren't ready to quit. My last question is, what else has to happen before you take your drinking seriously? If you come up with an answer for that, multiply that answer 10 fold, because that's were your heading. Sorry to be so blunt, but your heading down a very destructive path. John
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Ok, Vulterine, you posted on this board so I'm thinking you want honest answers. I don't do AA, I don't even like it, but you are definitely in denial about the damage your drinking is creating. Jumping on train tracks and blacking out is suicidal behavior. You say you have no responsibilities, but you do. You owe it to your parents -- who are apparently supporting you -- to be a better daughter. Don't you think they're worried about you? Don't you think it breaks their heart? Yet they continue to allow you to live with them. You are making excuses for not getting help and you know it.
I was paralyzed at the thought of rehab. Scared out of my mind. Didn't want to go. Didn't want to leave my kids. Didn't want -- well, to stop drinking. But it was the BEST decision I ever made. I actually even enjoyed it. I ate well, made good friends, and learned a lot about myself.
I hope you get to the point where you want to do something about your drinking. No one here can make you do anything. But you reached out, and that's a great first step. We will all support you on your journey.
I was paralyzed at the thought of rehab. Scared out of my mind. Didn't want to go. Didn't want to leave my kids. Didn't want -- well, to stop drinking. But it was the BEST decision I ever made. I actually even enjoyed it. I ate well, made good friends, and learned a lot about myself.
I hope you get to the point where you want to do something about your drinking. No one here can make you do anything. But you reached out, and that's a great first step. We will all support you on your journey.
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