Sigh. Not again.
 

Day one.

It's so not fun at all anymore. It hasn't been for a long, long, long time.

I'm a decent person when I'm sober, I would like to think? I take pride in doing a good job at work. I care about my friends. I think about other people.

But the moment I put some substances into my body? Psychopath. Complete and utter crazy person. And I cannot stop for the life of me. All logic and reasoning goes out the window in favor for another drink. All morals - disposed.

My house and my car are a disaster, I lost all of my bank cards, my room smells like a disgusting brewery, and I'm dreading facing the consequences of my actions today. I was sending crazy text messages to my therapist and friends in the program. It's like "drunk me" tries to sabotage any healthy or sober relationships in my life so I have no chance of getting back on track when all is said and done.

Head down... one foot in front of the other. Try and breathe. One moment at a time. I can do this. I can stay sober today.

You absolutely can! :hug:

You can stay sober today. Maybe you need to reevaluate your plan?

If I can then you can. Day 1 here too. Let's do it together xx

YES you can do this

I am the same type of drinker. I always leave a trail of destruction in my wake. Get back up and dust yourself off. Hope you feel better soon.

I was going through the same thing 25 days ago. It will get better. You can do this.

Hope you fell better soon.

If you aren't feeling too sick .. why not tackle some of those projects? Find or re-order the bank cards, clean the car, clean the house.

You can do it. Remember, hardly anyone succeeds on the first (or second, or third) try. Your worth as a person is not tied to your ability to quit drinking. Just keep going and you will get there.

So sorry to hear you are going through this today. You are not alone. I went through something similar this past Tuesday. I used to text people drunk and leave my bank card at the bar, and walk home/stumble home. Try to recover physically. If you are like me, you are full of remorse and possibly rapid heart beat and restless/anxious. I found recently that if I take one Benadryl (not advocating abuse) it calms me down just enough to not go out of mind with anxiety and allows me to rest and sleep off the poison. But, before you do that, if you decide to, or need to, CALL someone to meet you at AA today. I dont know if you are in the program or care to be, but it really saved me this past Tuesday. My main problem was connecting with people in the meetings and now I have. Best of luck and I am right here with you!

Hey - day 1 here for me too and we CAN do this. Of course there will be setbacks, life has a way of throwing difficult situations in our path. Just need to find another way of dealing with them.

:) try to do something positive - I cleaned my kitchen and did a load of laundry. That is enough for day 1 I think. Good luck x

Thanks for the replies guys.

My plan is to just power through this day one foot in front of the other. Finish work. Go home. Clean my room, take all the garbage out, get rid of any empty bottles or paraphanalia. Get to a meeting.

I have some leftover antabuse from a year or so ago and I just took one of those. Maybe it will help with any cravings since I know that drinking will make me even sicker than I am right now.

Now I just realized that there's probably still alcohol left in my system and I wonder if it's gonna make me sick now. Eff.

I hope you soon get to the point where you want to be sober more than you want to drink.

I'm really sorry that you're struggling and I know that, for sure, you can do this. Get rid of all the alcohol and don't buy anymore, no matter what. Work on changing lifestyle habits to support your recovery. I do think your 'drunk self' or AV is trying to sabotage your progress. That's what it does. But, recognize it for what it is. Then you can choose to ignore it and let it go. You can do this!

The very fact you managed to go to work, and are working getting rid of the rubbish - and lets face it it IS rubbish.... I did the same today... shows that you WANT this.

Only you can do it, the same way we're all fighting our own version of the same battle on here - and being with a bunch of people dealing with a similar version of self punishment, illness and just plain addiction is a great way to be able to express how you feel. I can try to talk to my friends or family till I'm blue in the face but they just don't get it.

So do something nice for yourself when you get home. Feet up, TV on, something nice to eat if you can face it and look forward to day 2. Before you know it you'll be into weeks, and weeks lead to months etc...

I'm looking forward to liking myself again, and I can honestly say that's not been the case for over a decade. So chin up and just keep swimming ;)

Oh bless your heart. I understand. The only way to make sure your drunk me doesn't take over and ruin your life is to not open that door. If you don't pick up that first drink you will never have to worry about any of those things again. And believe me friend I have been there.

I absolutely know that you can succeed at sobriety, MissNewLife. Perhaps the missing tool in your toolbox is reaching out immediately when you are feeling fragile, triggered, or are craving. Get your support system initialized and in action from the very beginning.

Don't forget SR; there is always someone here who cares and truly wants to see you succeed.

How are you, MissNewLife?

I understand the shameful drunk crap that you don't even remember doing. The dread waking up the next morning not sure what/if you did something stupid. The good news is you don't have to wake up like that again!! It's not an easy ride, but worth it. Hang in there and stay close to SR!

You're amazing! On day one I couldn't move, let alone go to work. It's so great you're keeping your commitments. Fantastic work.