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Advice on my husband please! ( I'm the alcoholic)

Old 06-27-2016, 05:43 AM
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Advice on my husband please! ( I'm the alcoholic)

Good morning!

I am 6 days sober today and I would like to ask some advice.

I've put a lot of effort into being sober, I'm doing daily prayer, meditation and excersise. I'm also doing more with my children. I was an alcoholic for 8 years.

My husband is a jahova witness, I am Christian but don't really go to church. He asked me two weeks ago if we could have a family bible study, I said maybe, but I want to use my bible and I need to read mine first . I don't want my children brought up jahova witness. We discussed this before marriage and rules were set in place.

Yesterday because I was not in the best of moods, he asked if I had been drinking, very nicely I may add. And I told him no. I got agitated at that. He then brought up the fact that we had not some bible study yet, when I said I need more time to think about it, he was very angry saying that since he was the head of the household, the blame would be put on him by God . He then sat downstairs and said I'm doing a bible study every Sunday and if you all don't do it with me then I will look a fool.

This all started after a dream he had that that something was going to happen if he did not change his ways and change the family's ways in regards to religion.

I feel he is not fully seeing that I am in early recovery and don't need any more stress! Advice would be very very welcome.
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Old 06-27-2016, 05:52 AM
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Hmmm. Why are you afraid of doing some bible study with the kids? Would it help if you guys chose a nondenominational church that you could attend with the kids? Or are you thinking no organized religion at all?
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Old 06-27-2016, 06:57 AM
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I'm not opposed to the bible study. I thinks it's the fact that he is pushing it so early in my recovery. He would not set foot in any other church, I have asked. He has been asking me to go to the Kingdom Hall for many years.

I don't know enough about my bible to trust that he will not do a jahova themed bible study, this is probably not making any sense lol. Hence why I asked for time to study my bible.

I am also bipolar so I think just adding more to my sobriety at this point would be hard!

Thank you for your answer!
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Old 06-27-2016, 07:11 AM
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Congratulations on day 6
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Old 06-27-2016, 07:21 AM
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I would pray about it and if there is a church you do like and agree with you could start going if you want too. Congrats on day 6!!
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Old 06-27-2016, 08:21 AM
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Tell him to lay off. I'm sure you know this but your husband's religion is all about converting people to become a Jehovah's Witness....the more he converts, the better his chances to get to heaven. (A good friend of mine is a Witness.) If y'all determined before you married that your kids would be raised outside of Kingdom Hall, it's unfair of him to change the rules just because he had a dream. Can you both agree to disagree and leave it alone? He's entitled to pursue his religion and you're entitled to yours. Religion is a very personal thing....it's your relationship with God and no one, not even your husband, has a right to tell you what that looks like. His constant proselytizing of you is arrogant and somewhat abusive.
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Old 06-27-2016, 08:30 AM
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How old are the children? What was the agreement regarding religion prior to having children?

In my opinion, the children should be exposed to many different forms of faith. His, yours, other peoples'. In the end they will make their own choices when they are old enough.

I think if you were to sit in on the Bible studies he wants to do, at least you would be able to talk about your particular beliefs or lack of beliefs. The most important thing is tolerance, regardless of "religious" choices. Don't make this into a huge deal - it's just another aspect of a well-rounded education. It will be okay if the kids see that "religion" can be a little nutty sometimes.

I was taken to many different churches and exposed to many different faiths as a child. I was able to take what I needed and leave the rest - but then, no one tried to force me - that would not have gone well at all. If your husband becomes controlling around this, the kids are going to be turned off. Love and tolerance.
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Old 06-28-2016, 05:51 PM
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Thank you so much for all your replays, it's made me feel a lot better. I am going to suggest councilling.

Again thank you!
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Old 06-28-2016, 07:20 PM
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y'know, Dreamygal, you're a week sober.
and yes, of course you need to make decisions when they need to be made.
but maybe this one doesn't need to be made NOW??

congratulations on your week, and all the effort you're making....keep putting the sobriety-stuff first and foremost, and though you may get pressured and feel urgency, not everything needs immediate attention.
take good care of sobriety and sobriety will help you take care of other things.
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Old 06-28-2016, 09:46 PM
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When you remove the deal about whether or not he is JW, it just sounds to me like he desperately wants to DO something to help you and his family, but like most normies, he doesng know what best to do.

I would suggest that one of the things that he could 'do' would be to go along to AlAnon and get clued up on what he's dealing with, and what recovery means and can look like. Maybe if he feels he's part of this getting better malarkey he'll feel less anxious about it.
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