MovingForward1

I don't even have all the answers to my topic question but I know major change is needed.

1- don't pick up again, ever
2- get away from a very toxic relationship
3- find a new job

Rehab? Work a program? I don't know right now

I'm lucky to be making it through this home detox and not out of the woods yet.

Today I've managed some food, taken out all the empties, I hope, I was still hiding them around the house in case my ex came over. Brushed my teeth, it's sad when that's an accomplishment. I'm hoping for at least a few hours of sleep. Sweaty restless sleep, if I get any.

I don't even want to think of the sound in the morning when the trash gets picked up but not much I can do about that.

I'm hoping to use this thread to remind me that things HAVE to change. I'll post more on here as I think of things.

Dee74

I think a good recovery plan needs to include the mechanics of how you'll 'not drink'?

This is a great link on making a recovery plan tailored to your needs MF

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

AnvilheadII

how about you do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober? as if your life depended upon it.........because it does.

if you can afford rehab, go.
if you have AA meetings nearby, go.
if you need medical assistance, go.

no quibbling, no debating, just DO IT. take all the help you can get. be open minded. become willing.

Anna

I hope that you follow Dee's link and form a plan that will work for you. Alcoholism is relentless and it's important to have a plan ready for times when you are surprised by cravings or feeling low.

MovingForward1

Thank you all for the support. I'll get into the plans when I can better acknowledge what I'm reading.

'Become willing', I don't think I have in any of my past attempts. That struck me like a brick.

least

For me, the biggest change had to be wanting to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Once I got there, I was secure in my sobriety.

biminiblue

In the first few months of my sobriety, I had some really simple things:

1. Do not pick up.
2. Pray, or set intentions for the day first thing in the morning. (I prayed, but I understand you may or may not be there yet.)
3. Eat two good meals per day
4. Go to an AA meeting
5. Find three things to be grateful for and write them down.
6. Post on this site. (For me, that was in the Class of March.)

That was it. Nothing else made my list. Not cleaning the house, not making amends, not beating myself up, not making To Do lists. Just those six things.

I slept whenever I could - which wasn't always during the regular sleep hours, haha. It took a couple months to sleep like a normal person and not eat everything in site. I avoided conflict like my life depended on it.

Turns out that's good medicine for all my days.

You can do it. Keep it simple. Come here and read any chance you get. As long as you get the first one right, you're golden.

neferkamichael

MovingForward1, rootin for ya.

entropy1964

Hey it's the little things in the beginning...which I'm also in btw. Brushing your teeth is better than not doing it, right? The next right thing.

HOW. Honesty Openness Willingness. You can do this!

MovingForward1

I need to be able to be brutally honest on this thread, I may not like some responses but the thread is for me right?

My head is already planning to go to work today. In a detached way I'm recognizing this as going back to same ole, same ole. Yet here I am pushing it. I want out of this job but I'm so good at it when sober, I just don't stay sober. Plus that's where the toxic relationship exists.
Drinking at lunch is normal, never overdone, but it's generally what kicks me off again. I'm taking my lunch today. I don't feel this is a ng to do today, but it's honest and hopefully I can reflect this evening on what I'm thinking.

Meraviglioso

I know how hard it is, we all do. I thought I'd never get out of the cycle. For me, rehab was what really got me going on a solid recovery path. I would highly recommend rehab if you feel you need it.

MovingForward1

Change of plans.

As I took a shower, scrubbing off days of filth and pulling out hair by the handful, all I kept hearing in my head was this:

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.

I wish I could remember who on this board says that, but it wouldn't leave my head.

I'm still going to work, have to keep this job while finding another. First things first though, a meeting. I don't want to pretend like I'm diving into this whole heartedly yet, I can't say I'm feeling it, but I need to go, listen, and get my head moving. I've been late to work so many times, at least this is a good purpose.

Thankful for the support as always

Dee74

Don;t put it off too long. It's nothing to be scared of & it will really pay dividends if you have a plan in place before you suddenly need to use it.

D

entropy1964

That is great Moving Forward. Just keep not drinking. One right move at a time. It is hard at first but its harder to keep drinking and dealing with all the BS that comes with that. Just let go.

And the hair? Mine falls out like crazy when drinking. Now? Not at all.

Leezer

I think right now my best advice, on day 119, is for you to TAKE CARE of yourself. Do the little things. Brushing your teeth? Yes, that is actually an accomplishment. Sweaty sleep? Been there! You will feel GROSS for a couple of weeks. Take 4 showers a day if you have to.

Take naps when you can. Drink lots of water. Eat bland-ish food, your stomach might be iffy, but make yourself eat.

And Read. Read a lot. Read on here. Post more when you are ready.


Be good to YOU,....we neglect ourselves so much while drinking that it's so foreign at first but you DESERVE it!
Lee

U75

Quoted for emphasis. Take the time to take care of yourself, and clear your head to focus on the most important thing--staying sober.

MovingForward1

I can't stop saying thanks for the support, I ended up at 2 meetings today, different places.
Work was a huge trigger, as expected. I guess I'm looking for that 'epiphany ' and it hasn't, or won't happen. So, that's where I'm at. Talking to people at AA, not participating in the meetings much yet, but there's a lot of interaction before and after and that's more of where I'm at. Good, bad, I don't know but it's different for me.

Withdrawal wise I think I'm ok. Almost 60 hours (2 1/2 days) in and I feel better, appetite is back, sleep sucks, but it happens. Not throwing up, shakes aren't entirely visible unless you're staring and analyzing me. My skin is dry as sandpaper, hair and nails look awful, but that will work out in time.

Tonight's plan is to read up on plans and other peoples relation to them. It seems a lot of people take a little from here, a little from there, and it works for them. I think I've always bit off more than I can chew. Created this perfect grandiose plan that just isn't feasible for me, so I guess I'll see what is. Staying honest with myself and this forum, not turning into SuperRecovery Girl. This is about me, not impressing or getting approval from others.

LeeJane

This was true for me too. I became ready to quit.

I thought I was before but inside, I wasn't. I always left little doors open to allow me to "relapse"!

AnvilheadII

it is perfectly OK to just sit and listen at meetings. sharing is NOT a requirement. being present IS. also, sticking around after the meeting can be like a second meeting........i remember bs'ing in the parking lot for hours after meetings.....or sitting at denny's til midnight drinking gallons of coffee and eating pie with other recovering alcoholics. really good stuff.

Serper2014

Good luck! In the beginning things that don't seem like accomplishments are. Brushing my teeth for the first time in days....felt so good. I remember it clearly.