MovingForward1

Another day, another 2 meetings. It cuts into work but I've missed work for worse reasons, that's for sure. I still didn't really participate but hung out afterwards at this evenings meeting and have a few phone numbers. This concept seems awkward to me, I'm protective of my privacy, my email, my phone number etc. As I posted previously, I can't say I'm gung ho about this but it's helping to just relate a bit.

So current plan is SR, meetings, find a new job which in turn will stop the toxic relationship.

Meraviglioso

This is great to hear Moving Forward, you sound very determined to make positive changes. Good luck with the job search.

Soberwolf

Good job moving forward moving forward

RDBplus3

https://www.dropbox.com/s/m9y2l3bh4l...%20VA.mp3?dl=0

August252015

But those ARE indeed accomplishments! I completely remember how you feel; both when those were my "successes" of the day, and feeling like "sh*t, how did I get to the point that those are my accomplishments?!!" But that is ok, when this is where you are. It will get better if you don't drink. I promise! Others around here will echo that.

You can do this- AA? Consider rehab, in or outpatient? Other methods that it seems my across the pond friends here have success with (ARVT etc - not as well known or used in th States)? Definitely keep coming back here- truthfully, nothing you can say here will be shocking. You may get tough love, but you will always get support.

I spent the evening last night with a dear AA friend. One thing we discussed is how we know that doing the RIGHT thing is so hard, even though we KNOW how much better off we will be after doing it. That is what quitting and detox is like- part of your brain (finally) tells you "DO THIS! QUIT!" and you know it will suck...but when you DO IT, all the way through, the other side is SO much better.

Please keep taking care of yourself. Count showers, making the bed, doing the dishes...all the things "normal people do" as victories. Keep doing them, and you build good habits that will be one of the things that keeps you sober. Keep on working a plan- I swear, just this morning walking the dog I thought "well, yes, my recovery "Acts" (talking to sponsor, other program friends, doing my devotionals/BB reading/HALT daily, etc etc), meetings, prayer, is what 99.9% of my life is! The other 1% is work, tasks, sleep and the laymens' tasks of life!" And that's the deal for this alcoholic.

I have been longwinded all to say- you CAN do this. You WILL feel better. Take care of yourself- reach out and get medical help if needed (I did my final detox at home basically, visiting my team of drs but no hospitalization- do not do this if you have more severe symptoms or your gut tells you to get your rear to a hospital, listen).

Hugs and prayers. Rooting for you!

OceanGuy

By now, as you probably know, this is imprinted in my psyche. Makes it much, much easier. And yet it's so simple. Probably whizzes right by people sometimes.

MovingForward1

Hi SR. Didn't get to my evening meeting due to work and I actually felt like I was missing out on something. Looking forward to this mornings, it's at a new location, new group. I'm still not jumping in there, but find myself enjoying the chatting while getting the room ready and the 'smoke pit' afterwards. Am I ready to reach out for a sponsor? I don't know, there's a part of me that feels AA is sort of 'a cult'. I know it's helped endless people, but these are strangers to me. I'm just on a fence if this is the program for me. The common ground of addiction is the base, but I feel like there's a certain 'My way or the highway' to it. I want to find what fits ME. Is this terminal uniqueness thinking? Maybe I'll dig into the AVRT threads tonight and see what that looks like. Take a little from here and a little from there. I'm still unsure of my program path, but not unsure on staying sober. I see now that I need something outside of myself to keep the momentum up and right now the fellowship at AA is filling that spot. Why am I so unsure of things?

Physically I'm doing well, have a Dr. appointment next week, just to see where I stand. I've put my body through so much but I need to see what's what and address what I can.

As always thanks for the support. I hope I can give it back to someone someday.

biminiblue

I had reservations about parts of AA, too. I went to meetings for three months - at least one meeting a day, because I wanted to meet sober people. Meetings got me up, showered, dressed and out of the house. It turned out that after nearly 150 meetings in several different locations I decided it just wasn't for me. I still got a lot out of many of those meetings. I don't think I'll be going back, but it was interesting and I did go away with some great tools. Now with over two years sobriety I feel strong and peaceful about my path.

I think just take it one day at a time right now. Don't drink, no matter what. Go to bed sober tonight. I spent a lot of time on this site reading everything from 12 Step stuff to AVRT stuff, to anxiety stuff to Friends & Family stuff and posting in my Class of March thread back in early days, and I definitely got more out of this site than AA meetings; but both were big parts of early sobriety for me.

Whatever works for you is what works for you! There are many paths to serenity, peace, healing.

AnvilheadII

careful not to get sidetracked with overthinking right now....on the one hand you say the meetings/fellowship are helping, on the other you are wondering about cults, etc. watch the chatter in your head that tells you that the things that are helping you stay sober aren't worth your time.....or maybe you can skip that meeting tonite.....and tomorrow....and heck who really needs meetings anyway? and next thing ya know......you are all isolated by yourself and the thought of drinking "suddenly" doesn't sound like a bad idea!!!!!!

MovingForward1

I'm going to continue with the meetings, tonight's was good, I was invited for coffe afterward and accepted. Should have had decaf, sleep is still an issue but it's better than the alternative.

I'm not wondering about cults, it's just the best analogy I could come up with. Right now AA is what I'm trying and trying very hard to be open minded and participate where I can, setting up, cleaning up, smoke pit talks. Anything is worth my time right now as long as it doesn't involve alcohol! I plan to keep moving around different groups and see if something feels more comfortable. I've got some reading to do tonight and will keep posting and taking all advice I can.

Appreciate the words of wisdom, I know everyone posting on my thread has been where I am and they got past it, I need to learn and be humble.

tomsteve

some of the best meetings ive been to are meetings before and after the meeting.

tomsteve

good on ya, moving!!
did ya get yerself a copy of the big book yet?

something that really amazed me about the big book is it described me pretty darn good yet was published 28 years before I was even born.

hadda helluva good solution in it,too!

MovingForward1

I do have a copy! I'm skipping around reading, right now I'm in the stories section about others experience!