Trying to find my way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7
Trying to find my way
Hello everyone.
I am a 39 year old gay male and I have a very good job. I just recently ended a 6 year relationship and also just bought my first condo a month ago.
My relationship ended because of my drinking. Although I can go out to dinner and have only one or two drinks the same doesn't happen if I am in true social situations. I drink to excess and often end up blacking out.
After blacking out I tend to hide out of embarrassment and have in turn isolated the friends I had. It seems to be very cyclical where I can only sustain from alcohol for a short time.
I'm scared that I don't know how to move forward and break the cycle. Friday night I drank too much and have now spent the past two days in bed depressed.
I have been seeing a therapist, but I am not sure how effective it has been.
I feel I am wasting my life but I don't know how to break free and move forward.
I'm sorry this is my first post and don't really know what to write yet, but wanted to give it a try.
I am a 39 year old gay male and I have a very good job. I just recently ended a 6 year relationship and also just bought my first condo a month ago.
My relationship ended because of my drinking. Although I can go out to dinner and have only one or two drinks the same doesn't happen if I am in true social situations. I drink to excess and often end up blacking out.
After blacking out I tend to hide out of embarrassment and have in turn isolated the friends I had. It seems to be very cyclical where I can only sustain from alcohol for a short time.
I'm scared that I don't know how to move forward and break the cycle. Friday night I drank too much and have now spent the past two days in bed depressed.
I have been seeing a therapist, but I am not sure how effective it has been.
I feel I am wasting my life but I don't know how to break free and move forward.
I'm sorry this is my first post and don't really know what to write yet, but wanted to give it a try.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome solarity. You'll find a lot of support here. We get how difficult it is to stop drinking and the depression and shame that comes with the drinking. But if you truly want to quit it is possible for everyone. It's simple, don't drink, but it's not easy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 486
Welcome and you can do this. It sounds like you have accepted that you have a problem and that you are not truly able to moderate, as a "normal" drinker was.
You seem to be pretty clear that you are ready for change. That is a huge step. You will find amazing people and support on here. People just like you.
Keep posting! The first post is often the hardest. And I recommend to READ a lot on here....you will find so many similarities to yourself and realize how NOT alone you are in your struggle.
Best,
Lee
You seem to be pretty clear that you are ready for change. That is a huge step. You will find amazing people and support on here. People just like you.
Keep posting! The first post is often the hardest. And I recommend to READ a lot on here....you will find so many similarities to yourself and realize how NOT alone you are in your struggle.
Best,
Lee
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Hi Solarity .
Welcome to the forum , firstly I think maybe you are not sure if you are alcoholic or not , cut a long story short , if interested go to the very top of the page marked ''FORUMS '' click on and you scroll down till you come to the 12 Step Alcoholism forum , click on and you will find a thread marked BIG BOOK DISCUSSION , click on and scroll all the way through and you will come to the discussion titled DR s Opinion , it talks about various symptoms of alcoholism it will maybe give you some insight and food for thought , plus there are hundreds of threads that are at hand worth reading with various topics re-addiction , take care , well done on making the approach .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Welcome to the forum , firstly I think maybe you are not sure if you are alcoholic or not , cut a long story short , if interested go to the very top of the page marked ''FORUMS '' click on and you scroll down till you come to the 12 Step Alcoholism forum , click on and you will find a thread marked BIG BOOK DISCUSSION , click on and scroll all the way through and you will come to the discussion titled DR s Opinion , it talks about various symptoms of alcoholism it will maybe give you some insight and food for thought , plus there are hundreds of threads that are at hand worth reading with various topics re-addiction , take care , well done on making the approach .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
Welcome! I and many others here know exactly how it is to get blackout drunk and then isolate from others. You can take a new path. Each day sober is a step. There was a time I could not imagine a month sober. I am closing in on 6 months now. It is not easy, but take a step and then another. The people here are great. Keep posting. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Surrey
Posts: 65
I know exactly how you feel! I have isolated myself from all my friends. Now they're gone, and I miss those relationships. The crazy thing is I didn't even realize I was losing my friends one by one.
I know that I can reach out to others in recovery (go to AA) and make friends there. that truly understand. But sometimes i just really wish I could chat with my old high school or uni friends...about other things like boyfriend issues or shopping or travelling or sports, not about this addiction or drinking. I miss my life before addiction took over. My biggest worry was a final exam.
I wish you the best. You have lots of support here!!
I know that I can reach out to others in recovery (go to AA) and make friends there. that truly understand. But sometimes i just really wish I could chat with my old high school or uni friends...about other things like boyfriend issues or shopping or travelling or sports, not about this addiction or drinking. I miss my life before addiction took over. My biggest worry was a final exam.
I wish you the best. You have lots of support here!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to the family. 
The simplest way to start is by just not drinking a day at a time. Don't drink, no matter what. Then keep on doing that, day by day.
You'll find lots of support and good ideas here.
The simplest way to start is by just not drinking a day at a time. Don't drink, no matter what. Then keep on doing that, day by day. You'll find lots of support and good ideas here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Solarity, I'm glad you posted.
It sounds like you've had some changes in your life already with ending a long-term relationship and buying a new home. Stopping drinking will be a great change in your life, but it is scary. It takes a leap of faith, but be sure that you will be able to do this.
It sounds like you've had some changes in your life already with ending a long-term relationship and buying a new home. Stopping drinking will be a great change in your life, but it is scary. It takes a leap of faith, but be sure that you will be able to do this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome to a great place for encouragement, Solarity.
I once drank the way you do - but it led to complete dependence when I was older. When we can't predict what will happen once it's in our system - it becomes dangerous. I wish I'd tried to stop in my 30's - you've made a wise decision. We're here to help.
I once drank the way you do - but it led to complete dependence when I was older. When we can't predict what will happen once it's in our system - it becomes dangerous. I wish I'd tried to stop in my 30's - you've made a wise decision. We're here to help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey solarity , welcome.
I'm sorry your relationship ended because of your drinking. Consequences. And they generally get worse as the drinking gets worse.
Recovery isn't always easy. But frankly it's more simple than drinking....or at least my drinking. Man o man what craziness.....
One day at a time....just don't drink. It gets better.
I'm sorry your relationship ended because of your drinking. Consequences. And they generally get worse as the drinking gets worse.
Recovery isn't always easy. But frankly it's more simple than drinking....or at least my drinking
. Man o man what craziness.....One day at a time....just don't drink. It gets better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7
Thank you
Thank you for the warm welcoming.
I am reading through all the resources available on here and they seem very helpful.
I find it very difficult to understand how in my 20s I could drink socially with no issue. Although I do not have the urge to drink daily, I know in a social setting the outcome will be disastrous.
My therapist thought we could work on a plan to limit my drinking in social environments. The plan failed on Friday. Now I am dealing with the guilt.
I am just trying to figure out the direction to go.
Thank you all again.
I am reading through all the resources available on here and they seem very helpful.
I find it very difficult to understand how in my 20s I could drink socially with no issue. Although I do not have the urge to drink daily, I know in a social setting the outcome will be disastrous.
My therapist thought we could work on a plan to limit my drinking in social environments. The plan failed on Friday. Now I am dealing with the guilt.
I am just trying to figure out the direction to go.
Thank you all again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7
Wasn't sure
had absolutely no idea how I would feel when I quit drinking. It will be day 8 tomorrow but it's been a journey of unexpected events. Had no idea about the occasional headaches and that moment when you're like.... Wait why do I feel dizzy and nauseous and just generally feeling average. Sometimes I feel pretty good about myself and other days it's just ughhhhh. I really hope that some of this withdrawal goes away soon 😔 But I am very happy I made this decision as if I hadn't I fear it would of eventually have done me in for the long haul.
Thanks for listening 😎
Thanks for listening 😎
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Newstartfresh 
had absolutely no idea how I would feel when I quit drinking. It will be day 8 tomorrow but it's been a journey of unexpected events. Had no idea about the occasional headaches and that moment when you're like.... Wait why do I feel dizzy and nauseous and just generally feeling average. Sometimes I feel pretty good about myself and other days it's just ughhhhh. I really hope that some of this withdrawal goes away soon 😔 But I am very happy I made this decision as if I hadn't I fear it would of eventually have done me in for the long haul.
Thanks for listening 😎
Thanks for listening 😎
Sending positive energy your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7
having a hard time getting ready for work today. I feel the guilt from Friday even though I spent the past two days in bed recovering.
I think this is part of my motivation not to drink again. I hate this feeling.
Does anyone else ever feel this way?
I think this is part of my motivation not to drink again. I hate this feeling.
Does anyone else ever feel this way?
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