hpdw

I need to be careful and need to remember that on 11th May I was going through hell following a 6 day ( bottle of vodka a day +) binge .

On Tuesday I finish up for 2 weeks holiday and I have been thinking I could ? possible ? , should I ? Maybe I could ................. have only 2 or 3 beers ???? No I wont , I cant .............Maybe I could ? etc etc etc .
Ive been getting this type of thinking for a few days and I don't like it .

I need to up my stay sober game , get on here more , talk F2F with some AA friends I have .

I wanted to write this down here as so many of you do .
I have responded to a few people here who has the same thinking and got through it and still sober so i don't want to let myself down .

Thanks

Anna

You can get through this and I think you will find that it get easier.

Behappy1

Hey Thomas, Just wanted you to know you're not alone. I've had that feeling on and off all weekend. Mine has not been let's just have a "few drinks". Mine has been more bender type of cravings. Mine is due to circumstances that I created for myself.

I have been trying to stay busy and keep my mindset in the right place. Last night I went out to mow a lawn for 2 hours that probably didn't need mowed for a few days yet. But it did improve my mindset, which was the point.

I am learning that I can do things to divert or change my thoughts or even do things to "buy time" until the feeling passes. I have zero advice, but you're not alone. It will take some time for those channels to reroute themselves in the brain and as many have said (and I have my fingers crossed it's true! lol) it gets easier with time. I definitely have white knuckled it this weekend. Devotionals, reading here, reading through the steps, journaling, praying about it are included too with me.

CaseyW

"Only" is a curse word when it comes to our drinking and recovery, Thomas59. Glad you let those thoughts out of your head. Remember it's the first drink that is the problem. Without the first, there is no second or third or tenth drink.

Stick close to here. And don't take that first drink no matter what. You can do this.

entropy1964

Hey Thomas
You and I got sober about the same time (May 4 for me) and I remember very clearly the hell you were in. Interestingly, I have to try harder to remember the hell I was in..... Its like I have to rip open the curtains in my brain to expose the raw, ugly truth of that day. Your post has helped me do that. Thank you.

I would make a plan for your trip. Really think about how you're going to resist the urge to drink. Maybe start the day early, with a meditation and commitment to stay sober. Some exercise. I dunno. Just have a plan.

Hang in there.

Wastinglife

I've also been having drinking thoughts. I'm just so bored. I don't enjoy anything without alcohol coursing through my veins. I hoping the apathy I feel will pass. I'm only at 37 days but it's gonna be a long summer....

tomsteve

i had the same thing happen early on. it was quite a war in my head at times.
meetings, working the steps, and remembering where i came from kept me trudging and eventually, by working the steps, i ceased fighting it because the thoughts were gone. i no longer had to fight the thoughts. the 10th step promises happened.
they will for you,too, of ya keep on trudging and don't let them thoughts control your actions.

KPForever

I'm only on day 2, and i'm having longing thoughts about sitting at a restaurant and enjoying a glass or two of white wine. I'm not exactly missing the taste, i'm not hungry, i'm missing the happy content buzz.
And now I think, have I forgotten the pain and regret it brings afterwards.

I'm not going to drink. I feel sad though. Lonely. Like nothing to look forward to.

Soberwolf

The answer to that is well highlighted at the start of your post which I commend you for

Dave42001

Glad you're posting here, nice job on your time! Great to have AA friends, I couldn't do it without them!!

You're doing all the right things!! Keep up the great work!! One day at a time!!

thomas11

Hang in there man. You'll get through it.

hpdw

Thank you all so much for responding .

Frick I'm not going away just a day here and there but going away in Sep for my 60th . I think the same rules would apply though . We help each other all of us , even since putting this out there I look at things more positively .
I urge others especially in early days /weeks to get it out your head , write it down ,say it to someone , throw the rubbish out and you will feel cleaner .

I,m reading a fantastic book "The great pain deception " by Steven Ray Ozanich . it follows on from John E Sarno books and is all about pain being caused by suppressed emotions , inner subconscious rage manifesting in a host of physical ways in the body including addiction .
Its all so very interesting and makes so much sense to me .

Dee74

I'm glad you got through that Tom - I think upping your game a little is a great idea though

D

entropy1964

Hey Thomas. You're going to the all inclusive in Spain right?

Sounds like a really interesting book.

Dave42001

Kudos to you, Tommy!! You're working on solutions rather than problems!!

great work! I'll send you my email address if you need to reach out during your holiday!!

I'm so envious, I need a holiday!!

hpdw

Frick things got changed , we had a good think about the all inclusive and how it could have affected me/us . the town and shopping is 3 miles from the complex and we ( my wife and I ) like shops and cafes etc and would have meant a bus ride daily from the hotel . Long story short we pulled out . Fortunately with booking .com we didn't lose a deposit .
Were booked for Zandvoort in Holand on 24th Sep and my 60th is 26th . Its a beautiful little touristy town with Amsterdam a short train ride away . Emm ~~~~ I need to add this is where we were last year and I came home a mess and joined SR . I am determined to have a completely different experience this time round with no alcohol .