MattDavid91

Its been 30 days today since my last relapse (which was a 2 week binger)...I just want some peace, so many ups and downs. One moment i feel hopeful in life, then the next I feel like im going nuts and cant handle anything...Most of its anxiety, i guess. Its for sure though, I wish I could drink. I wish I could handle it.

All my alcoholic church friends tell me this is all normal...i did get 74 days sober before this sobriety period and felt a bit better after a couple months (then relapsed cause I was on "the pink cloud" as they call it). Im focusing on self improvement, forcing myself to do everything....The more i think about it, I've hid every emotional feeling (anger, sadness, negativity) in alcohol since I was 17...Can anyone relate to that? What happens when we don't face ourselves or life's ordinary circumstances? And how do we face these feelings and emotions and heal from them?

ALinNS

Healing for me took a long time, I hid anger, humiliation, fear from the time I was 13 to 49, started using beer at the age of 16 to deal with it finally at the age of 49 I reached out for help and still getting help to this day.

It's been a frustrating journey. mentally due to events that happened as a kid forward I was told four years ago I had PTSD and started talk therapy and medication for that which helped, got off the benzo's which was very hard then in January of this year, because I knew something was still not right my better hald who is a doctor suggested I had the signs of being bi-polar, wish I would have known this 30 years ago, anyhow went for a mental health assessment which she suggested and sure enough I am, on medication for that and life is "normal, still have some up and down's but they are far and few between.

Could not have done or accomplished what I have without help, counseling and these forums, I still try to come here daily as helping others is a great help personally.

All the best
Andrew

Dee74

I think it takes awhile to work out things - certainly longer than 30 days - I was barely feeling 'ok' by then physically let alone mentally.

what if you're exactly where you need to be right now MattDavid...

D

least

Give yourself more sober time for things to 'even out'. It will get better but it takes a while.

Anna

We have to learn and we can learn to live with life's ups and downs.

Facing the feelings that we've been running from is daunting, but you can do it. It doesn't have to happen all at once and for me, it took some time. Life has a way of giving you what you're ready to deal with. Be patient and kind to yourself.

REsoberALITY

Yes, this is all normal. You're doing great at 30 days again! I would also like to add to what the others have said. 74 days is great too, but that is still a short amount of time in sobriety to start feeling more of the emotional healing you really need to do. Stick with this, you can do it one day at a time and you will start to notice that you're handling these things better and better every day. It might take 4-6 months to get to that point but it will come. We're all pulling for you!

ZenLifter

Congratulations on the 30 days . All I have to add to what others have said is that for me it's key not to judge the feelings I have as they come up. They are whatever they are and it's ok. Sometimes when I am struggling with something I just say to myself, "It's ok. Things are just the way they're supposed to be right now." All of us have drank or used to cover painful emotions, so we have to face them sometime. You're doing fine, I think.

MattDavid91

Thanks y'all for the encouragement. I never thought that quitting drinking would literally be the hardest thing I have ever faced!

Dee74

It is hard - but it gets easier - hang in there

D

tomsteve

hardest thing I ever did,too.
staying sober has been easy.
so, ya asked in yer OP:
"....The more i think about it, I've hid every emotional feeling (anger, sadness, negativity) in alcohol since I was 17...Can anyone relate to that? What happens when we don't face ourselves or life's ordinary circumstances? And how do we face these feelings and emotions and heal from them? '

I stuffed everything myself, so when I got sober I had a boatload of mental mayhem going on.
how I healed was the 12 steps of AA.

August252015

The hardest - and the best.
You have chosen to have a new life. You've gotten 30 days into it - and as long as you are on this earth, you get to keep having it, and building it as YOU want it to be.

Emotions start coming. My pink clouds lasted most of my first 60,70 days and around 100 the emotional "Thawing" really started. I am at 135 now and finally feel like a lot of the work I have been doing, and recovery tools I have been learning have sunk in enough that my responses and reactions to things are much improved. A little more reflexive. Perfect life? HA! But so much better in every way. Literally, there is NO single way my life was better when I was drinking. Looking forward to what lies ahead.

You will get there. Glad to see you around!

uncorked

Hi MattDavid, congrats on 30 days. That is a HUGE accomplishment! I think many of us can relate to your feelings. I used alcohol to numb my emotions through a difficult marriage. Yes, it's hard to start feeling again -- especially the negative stuff -- but it's necessary. I needed to learn new techniques (other than drinking a bottle of wine!) for handling emotional stress and difficult times.

Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel, knowing that it will pass. Cravings, too, will pass. In rehab, we learned how to observe our feelings in a non-judgemental way....to see them basically as clouds passing through.

Do things that make you happy. Whether it's music, a good book, exercising, whatever, enjoying life while you recover makes it that much easier.

Soberwolf

Congratulations on 30 days