Slip at 9 months
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue 
I love the quote of Tim Grover, Michael Jordan's and other top athletes trainer "Stop waiting to be taught what you already know". Priceless.
Trust yourself. Trust your gut. Stay close to those who travel the same road.
We work so hard to change that inner voice to one we CAN follow. And we must.
Glad you're back.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by Leezer
This is me exactly but I drank for 4 years not 2. I would NEVER drink again, but only because it has FINALLY gotten through MY thick skull that no matter what I say, I cannot EVER drink in moderation. I always knew it, but now I BELIEVE it......No more. As Dee has told me, I've been to my last rodeo. Truth.
This is what did it: the moment I decided to drink 1 cider, the OBSESSING began.
"Should I do this...no I shouldn't. ...yes I should...stop freaking out....relax geez...will I drink again...will I drink tomorrow. ..will I crave it tomorrow. ...will I stop at this one...why am I thinking all this...chill out....maybe I have a problem. ..no I'm telling myself I have a problem...I'm making the problem....why am I THINKING so much??!!!"
And that was BEFORE the substance itself ever entered my body!!! This disease is absolutely physiological (chemical) and psychological (thinking/obsessing).
I had 1 bottle of cider. From that moment I thought about drinking for the next 4 days until I had 2 glasses of wine. Those 3 drinks were the extent of consumption during this relapse.
Wanna know WHY only 3 drinks made this slip/relapse so HUGE?? I saw the obsessing so clearly.
I CANNOT control the obsessing about alcohol. It's not a "will not" it's a "cannot." For example, imagine having one potato chip and then your mind is filled with worry about the next potato chip.
It finally hit home that even if I were able to control my actions (only drink 1 drink per sitting, for example), I CANNOT control my mind (obsessing/thinking about alcohol once I allow it into my life).
That first drink didn't feel like freedom. It felt like walking into a prison cell. Trapped. And all you get to do in your prison cell is think about alcohol.
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