Hurting
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by newhope01 
I'm hurting right now.
My alcoholism has brought me to a new low. I was doing okay for awhile but my disease came back stronger than ever.
I'm doing intensive psychotherapy to help with my other mental illnesses ( depression and anxiety) and I feel like I'm making progress.
But then I mess up and resort to drinking to numb my pain. My husband made up an embarrassing song about how I drink too much and hide it from peers. I felt so bad. So, I went and bought a bottle of wine.. Stupid, I know. But I just feel so awful.
My mother in law wants me to come have lunch with my niece and sister in laws, but I just feel so down and would rather ignore my feelings by drinking. My disease wants me to isolate.
I know this is wrong but I really want to numb myself instead by drinking and the only time I was able to stop myself at this point was when I came here first.
I really want to numb my pain right now but I think it's better to wait a minute.
My alcoholism has brought me to a new low. I was doing okay for awhile but my disease came back stronger than ever.
I'm doing intensive psychotherapy to help with my other mental illnesses ( depression and anxiety) and I feel like I'm making progress.
But then I mess up and resort to drinking to numb my pain. My husband made up an embarrassing song about how I drink too much and hide it from peers. I felt so bad. So, I went and bought a bottle of wine.. Stupid, I know. But I just feel so awful.
My mother in law wants me to come have lunch with my niece and sister in laws, but I just feel so down and would rather ignore my feelings by drinking. My disease wants me to isolate.
I know this is wrong but I really want to numb myself instead by drinking and the only time I was able to stop myself at this point was when I came here first.
I really want to numb my pain right now but I think it's better to wait a minute.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
This disease makes us hurt. Vi too have a dual diagnosis, extreme anxiety and alcoholism. Tell people when they hurt you!! You can forgo the drinking event and do another activity instead. I have done that s lot lately since I needed to protect my fragile sobriety. We are a bundle of raw nerves in the beginning. Have you tried AA? It's not scary, really, and people get it and it's great to feel understood, not ridiculed. You can do this
Lilly
Lilly
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Hi Newhope,
You said you were having intensive psychotherapy for anxiety and depression. I had that a number of years ago. And I cried for weeks and months. For what I often thought was no reason. Even just washing dishes with tears running down my face not knowing what I was even crying about.
What I was crying about, was that psychotherapy, releases all the emotions you have blocked and supressed for years, which then lead to the anxiety and depression.
It was a good sign I was crying! I was "unblocking" the repressed emotions that had been too hard, or too dangerous to feel at the time they occurred, so were locked down and had been causing havoc in my psyche.
Psychotherapy is hard, because you have to face and feel everything that you have repressed into your subconcious.
Drinking will only cut you off from your emotions again, another defence mechanism, so you don't have to feel them.
You said you were having intensive psychotherapy for anxiety and depression. I had that a number of years ago. And I cried for weeks and months. For what I often thought was no reason. Even just washing dishes with tears running down my face not knowing what I was even crying about.
What I was crying about, was that psychotherapy, releases all the emotions you have blocked and supressed for years, which then lead to the anxiety and depression.
It was a good sign I was crying! I was "unblocking" the repressed emotions that had been too hard, or too dangerous to feel at the time they occurred, so were locked down and had been causing havoc in my psyche.
Psychotherapy is hard, because you have to face and feel everything that you have repressed into your subconcious.
Drinking will only cut you off from your emotions again, another defence mechanism, so you don't have to feel them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Thanks for your input frifrap, I understand how rewarding yet difficult intensive psychotherapy can be. Because I've suffered so much trauma, my therapist is trying to build up my coping skills first prior to really digging into the underlying issues causing pain.
I just finished a nice work out which has helped. I find myself letting my mind wander to alcohol still.
I bought some plants and cleaned out my work out room. Now, I'm thinking of doing some reading on anxiety and panic disorder. Just trying to keep myself busy in order to protect my sanity and my liver.
I just finished a nice work out which has helped. I find myself letting my mind wander to alcohol still.
I bought some plants and cleaned out my work out room. Now, I'm thinking of doing some reading on anxiety and panic disorder. Just trying to keep myself busy in order to protect my sanity and my liver.
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