Kaily

My alcoholism is causing me to let people that I work for down which I hate, but the more commitments I have the more I feel sorta trapped and spend hours making up excuses in my mind why I can't make them.
I have recently started dog agility which I love but have managed to talk myself out of it for the last three weeks.. So much easier to stay home, drink and think how great it would be if I went.
I don't understand myself at all anymore

ZenLifter

I was the same way when I drank. It's always easier to stay home and drink alone and dream about yourself being the star of the show in whatever commitment you are putting off that day, than to actually go and risk failure and disappointment. Over time alcohol gave me such an inflated sense of self and such unrealistic expectations that I couldn't risk engaging in real life.

Have you made any serious effort to quit?

Ruby2

I called in sick to work. I called in sick to family functions. Or the kids were sick. No one in the family felt well. All the time. Or we had really pressing things that needed to be done instead. All of it was an excuse to stay home and drink.

The only thing I needed to figure out about myself was that I was an alcoholic and this pattern would continue forever so long as alcohol was the number one priority in my life. Since I quit drinking completely, I've called in sick about five times in 3 years and three of those days were because the kids actually were sick. If I truly can't do something, I no longer feel guilty saying no because I know my limits. People can count on me and I actually enjoy doing things more than before.

It's the alcohol. It will suck the life out of you if you let it.

Soberwolf

Kaily you need to stop drinking I think you know that your alcoholism will continue to worsen unless you accept it & start making new moves in sobriety stay sober Kaily and I promise your life will change it won't be overnight but unless you stop drinking & accept your an alcoholic things will continue to worsen no one here wants you to see you suffer

Stop drinking & accept this Kaily x

Kaily

Yes ZenLifter I have made numerous efforts to stop but sadly keep failing.

Soberwolf I do accept I am an alcoholic just can't recover and feeling worse and worse plus very down.

Soberwolf

You can recover Kaily If I did I know anyone can I remember feeling how you feel now like it's never going to happen even though I badly wanted it etc

The only thing was I hadn't really accepted I was alcoholic sure I knew I had a problem and was trying to stop i thought I was doing everything I could by going meetings telling certain shops don't sell me alcohol and really trying

But the fact remains I was still drinking & it was messing me up pretty bad had I really accepted my alcoholism ?

I accepted my alcoholism when everything in my body was telling me to drink & I refused.. that was me really accepting my alcoholism not drinking and recognising the urges & cravings as just that realising the only way this is going to stop is by me stopping drinking & not making the alcoholism worse by continuing to drink and strengthening the cravings

I am 34 I stopped drinking at 31 I had my first drink around 16 my alcoholism is and was progressive

Kaily you can do this so there is no point saying you can't i know it's possible although it might seem Impossible it really isn't

You are addicted to alcohol just like me only difference is Ive stopped hurting myself and i know this is possible for you again this is your life we only get 1

I'm your friend sober brother etc and if I can help just ask I'm always around

Wishing the best for you whatever you choose to do

Dee74

Hi Kaily

I can back up what others have said here - I was a very reliable guy who ended up a wildly unreliable one thanks to my addiction.

It's one way traffic I'm afraid - it's not going to get better if you keep drinking.

What have you tried in the past to help you stop?

D

doggonecarl

You can recover, but like you said in you initial post, "So much easier to stay home, drink and think how great it would be if I [insert imaginary accomplishment]"

It all starts with the first step.

gettingsmarter

Looking back alcohol had turned me into such a slave that I actually believed the stories I made up to break commitments. "I have so much work I have to get done". Ya no kidding. The same work I didn't get done the last time I told you that too.
Please do somthing about this now. It gets worse.

Nonsensical

The alcoholic living in my head used to tell me the same thing. He's a liar and a thief that would kill me if I let it. I stopped listening to his nonsense and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.

Kaily

I have tried AA, I self referred myself to a drug and alcohol centre who prescribed me Naltrexone which did help for a short time and told my GP exactly how much I was drinking but seems little she can do to help.

tomsteve

how long did you "try" aa for? did ya work any of the steps?

imo, its time to surrender then get on the phone with detoxes and/or rehabs.

Cherrybreeze

I was the same way, Kaily - I never went out and did/accomplished anything, and with all that time I was home, all I did was drink. Didn't clean or cook, etc.

The freedom that comes with being able to not only honor commitments, but also do last-minute things for and with people is a wonderful feeling. Knowing you can up and leave, be able to drive and not be resentful because it cuts into your drinking time, feels better than alcohol by far.

Some of the work has to be done by you. Right now you believe you "can't" recover. You have to believe you can. AA is a tool, but attending meetings by itself won't do a thing. Don't give up on yourself!