3 Months off; then holy hell I'm a moron.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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3 Months off; then holy hell I'm a moron.
I took off 3 months drinking and felt fantastic. Kids are great, work is great and everything is going our way.
Then I feel like, why not have a drink; I'm doing well right? Which turns into a month long bout of constant hangovers, lost time and funds. I've been drinking heavily for 15 years. I'm a "high functioning" intelligent total idiot.
My body is telling me that enough is enough and I have the will to stop for extended periods of time, then I pick up my old buddy for a ride and get belligerent once I feel capable again.
On Father's day, I rewarded myself by becoming a completely blasted fool. Had the day totally off, because my wife is just awesome. Did lots of yard work and stayed hydrated, which is just booze hound experience. Ultimately, I woke up today to a full day of work feeling like complete shiat.
I'm taking another 2 months off, tentative 3 depending on how I feel but shiat man. When will I truly learn that regenerating my liver and getting healthy to enjoy life is something I truly deserve and to stop forgetting that damn downward spiral. I need to end sabotaging my happiness after feeling back to normal.
To all of you who struggle, I empathize. Maybe we are gluttons for punishment or don't love ourselves enough. I really don't have an answer, but one thing is sure; we are just better without it or in balance with true to ourselves, moderation.
I'm averaging 6 months no drinking, 6 months holy crap are you f'n kidding me? It's better than a few years ago, but I will eventually control my evil bastard buddy. The alternative is to die trying.
Putting it into words seems to help me commit. Maybe it's the point and strength of forums such as this. I didn't beat myself up for the entire month. In fact, I think I enjoyed the debauchery for a time and is probably what keeps me coming back. The last few days however hit me hard and woke me up again.
Taking normal dumps, looking good, feeling food and success are life requirements. We owe it to ourselves and often others to be the best person we can be.
Regards,
Then I feel like, why not have a drink; I'm doing well right? Which turns into a month long bout of constant hangovers, lost time and funds. I've been drinking heavily for 15 years. I'm a "high functioning" intelligent total idiot.
My body is telling me that enough is enough and I have the will to stop for extended periods of time, then I pick up my old buddy for a ride and get belligerent once I feel capable again.
On Father's day, I rewarded myself by becoming a completely blasted fool. Had the day totally off, because my wife is just awesome. Did lots of yard work and stayed hydrated, which is just booze hound experience. Ultimately, I woke up today to a full day of work feeling like complete shiat.
I'm taking another 2 months off, tentative 3 depending on how I feel but shiat man. When will I truly learn that regenerating my liver and getting healthy to enjoy life is something I truly deserve and to stop forgetting that damn downward spiral. I need to end sabotaging my happiness after feeling back to normal.
To all of you who struggle, I empathize. Maybe we are gluttons for punishment or don't love ourselves enough. I really don't have an answer, but one thing is sure; we are just better without it or in balance with true to ourselves, moderation.
I'm averaging 6 months no drinking, 6 months holy crap are you f'n kidding me? It's better than a few years ago, but I will eventually control my evil bastard buddy. The alternative is to die trying.
Putting it into words seems to help me commit. Maybe it's the point and strength of forums such as this. I didn't beat myself up for the entire month. In fact, I think I enjoyed the debauchery for a time and is probably what keeps me coming back. The last few days however hit me hard and woke me up again.
Taking normal dumps, looking good, feeling food and success are life requirements. We owe it to ourselves and often others to be the best person we can be.
Regards,
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by Endeavor 
I'm averaging 6 months no drinking, 6 months holy crap are you f'n kidding me?
Quitting for good sounds more reasonable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Hi there Endeavor. I had 90 days last year, then turned back into a low functioning idiot. Now I have 4 months and counting and feeling much stronger in my sobriety with no intention of turning back. Anyway, nice to have you here. And your post gave me a good laugh too 
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 123
I wouldn't call it plan, I have none. What I do have is side of me that needs to be beaten into reason. I quit smoking around 10 years ago then found a way to enjoy a cigar once in awhile without the need to jump back in. Nicotine for me, was the worst thing I could imagine having to quit again. It's the reason I do not smoke cigarettes any longer and free of the damned thinking about where I need to be in relation to how many butts I have left. If nicotine ever had you by the balls, I'm sure you can appreciate that feeling.
Drinking does heavy damage when I abuse it, it's long term effects are subtle in instance yet lasting and I never considered it a death sentence like smokes. Hell, we've all seen that old drunk guy moping around till his 90's; how in the hell was he ok? Not the life I want to lead of course, that old fart was probably broke, alone and emotionally dead but he was still above the ground.
Maybe I "build relapse" into it, because I still enjoy it, but regret when I take it too far, as I often seem to do. I understand this isn't a sounding board for my failings, but chatting about it helps.
Maybe I think I'm invincible, selfish or both. This is something I am trying to be ok with, to have it in my life but not rule it. I do not have much faith in the idea that there is something in life I can never do again. Perhaps thinking that life must include alcohol in some way, lies the problem. As if there is no alternative. I have not been forced into that conclusion yet. I am being honest and it scares me.
Alcohol has always been part of my adult life. I've grown old enough to see it's a problem when I let loose, so to speak. It often lasts for a month of being heavy buzzed or smashed most nights.
Our stories are different but we're all suffering in some way, otherwise we wouldn't be here. Thank you all for the replies, all are helpful and thought provoking.
Drinking does heavy damage when I abuse it, it's long term effects are subtle in instance yet lasting and I never considered it a death sentence like smokes. Hell, we've all seen that old drunk guy moping around till his 90's; how in the hell was he ok? Not the life I want to lead of course, that old fart was probably broke, alone and emotionally dead but he was still above the ground.
Maybe I "build relapse" into it, because I still enjoy it, but regret when I take it too far, as I often seem to do. I understand this isn't a sounding board for my failings, but chatting about it helps.
Maybe I think I'm invincible, selfish or both. This is something I am trying to be ok with, to have it in my life but not rule it. I do not have much faith in the idea that there is something in life I can never do again. Perhaps thinking that life must include alcohol in some way, lies the problem. As if there is no alternative. I have not been forced into that conclusion yet. I am being honest and it scares me.
Alcohol has always been part of my adult life. I've grown old enough to see it's a problem when I let loose, so to speak. It often lasts for a month of being heavy buzzed or smashed most nights.
Our stories are different but we're all suffering in some way, otherwise we wouldn't be here. Thank you all for the replies, all are helpful and thought provoking.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I found that when I finally just told myself I am never using drugs or drinking alcohol again that I almost felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I have found that Rational Recovery has been the recovery program that just truly "clicked" for me. Maybe it is time to explore all the options out there and pick a recovery program or combine aspects of a bunch of them? It can't hurt right?
I have found keeping a detailed journal has helped me stay accountable and helped give me a reality check when I think I could handle it and then read back to exactly how hard the beginning was and what I was feeling and thinking. We are good are forgetting all the bad stuff or telling ourselves that this time will be different. It is never different in a good way, usually it just gets worse and worse.
Keep moving forward, and maybe it is time to get some counseling and create a plan?
I have found keeping a detailed journal has helped me stay accountable and helped give me a reality check when I think I could handle it and then read back to exactly how hard the beginning was and what I was feeling and thinking. We are good are forgetting all the bad stuff or telling ourselves that this time will be different. It is never different in a good way, usually it just gets worse and worse.
Keep moving forward, and maybe it is time to get some counseling and create a plan?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 123
[QUOTE=doggonecarl;6008102]Then why would you only commit to quitting for 2 or 3 months if you know you are going to just step back into the cycle of misery. .[ /QUOTE]
Well, that's probably because I'm an alcoholic with his own unique and unreasonable patterns of failure to do the right thing. I'm working on it, in a stage just trying to figure out what works best for me.
Well, that's probably because I'm an alcoholic with his own unique and unreasonable patterns of failure to do the right thing. I'm working on it, in a stage just trying to figure out what works best for me.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Alcohol was an everyday part of my adult life too. I couldn't see quitting. That's why it was easy to not drink when I was pregnant because I knew at the end I could go back to drinking. I didn't work on myself during that time off. So the dis-ease I'd feel if I weren't drinking didn't go away. I never learned or thought about how to cope with life while not drinking. Once I accepted that I was never going to learn how to drink moderately, I started learning those life skills and it became a pleasure not to drink.
If you are building in permission to relapse at a certain date then maybe you are robbing yourself of the joy of personal growth during your sobriety time. Instead of growing you're looking to the end of three months or two months Like looking at the clock counting the minutes until you get off work. Or that horrible feeling of anxiety that it's midnight and you have two cigarettes left in that pack and really don't want to go out to get more but you just have to.
Think about quitting full time. One day at a time. And you'll never have to feel like a moron the day after. Or go to work feeling sick.
If you are building in permission to relapse at a certain date then maybe you are robbing yourself of the joy of personal growth during your sobriety time. Instead of growing you're looking to the end of three months or two months Like looking at the clock counting the minutes until you get off work. Or that horrible feeling of anxiety that it's midnight and you have two cigarettes left in that pack and really don't want to go out to get more but you just have to.
Think about quitting full time. One day at a time. And you'll never have to feel like a moron the day after. Or go to work feeling sick.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by jd1639
Ah, you're that special snowflake where moderation will work. Haven't seen one of us where that has worked.
I don't know where I am with my own obsessive deficiency, but I'm certainly no snowflake, cupcake.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
These no need to beat anything into reason - fighting yourself to a standstill will only tire you out and make bad ideas seem like good ones.
Why not just accept the problem and accept what you need to do - it's a lot easier that way
If you need help with a plan - here's some great ideas:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Why not just accept the problem and accept what you need to do - it's a lot easier that way
If you need help with a plan - here's some great ideas:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Originally Posted by Endeavor
Perhaps thinking that life must include alcohol in some way, lies the problem. As if there is no alternative.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
If we always do, what we always did, we will always get, what we always got. If we don't change we are condemned to stay the same.
For me that meant giving up the notion I would ever be a normal drinker. I had to either quit drinking forever or lose everything I loved and cherished which included my life
For me that meant giving up the notion I would ever be a normal drinker. I had to either quit drinking forever or lose everything I loved and cherished which included my life
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Des Plaines
Posts: 98
Important thing is that you are here. It's hard to achieve things in life like sobriety unless you really want it. Right now you are someone who wants to drink while somewhat controlling it and can turn it on or off like a switch.. If you are open minded and read other's experiences of how it is better being completely sober than you might want that as well. Sobriety is new to me after several moderation attempts but so far I like it.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
If we always do, what we always did, we will always get, what we always got because if we don't change we are condemned to stay the same.
For me that meant giving up the notion I would ever be a normal drinker. I had to either quit drinking forever or lose everything I loved and cherished which included my life
For me that meant giving up the notion I would ever be a normal drinker. I had to either quit drinking forever or lose everything I loved and cherished which included my life
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Originally Posted by Endeavor
We may all eventually come to the same conclusion bud, probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't a problem for me. Last number of months I've looked over a number of posts; some relapse, others trying to make sense of it. It's all very real, encouraging and endearing.
I don't know where I am with my own obsessive deficiency, but I'm certainly no snowflake, cupcake.
I don't know where I am with my own obsessive deficiency, but I'm certainly no snowflake, cupcake.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by jd1639
Sorry, didn't mean to get your undies in a bunch. In all honesty, most of us have been where you are now. We didn't want to admit to ourselves that drinking moderately or like a normal person wouldn't work and tried the moderation route many times. Just trying to save you some time and troubles.
What does that mean anyway, "drinking moderately or like a normal person" ? Some can relax with a glass or two of wine, though I've never met anyone who actually does that; but I keep reading those people do exist. My wife hardly ever drinks, maybe one or two at a wedding or some major occasion every few months. No desire and doesn't use it as a crutch to relax as many of us like to believe or purport.
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