Making Amends in Early Recovery?
 

Hello everyone,

I am a 24 year old Heroin addict. I've been using for a few years now. Within the past year, I've accumulated many criminal charges, destroyed relationships, and "ruined my life". On the flip side, I'm celebrating 3 months clean today and very happy!

But the problem is... I don't know how to make amends without following step work. I don't follow a program (although I know I should). My family is very forgiving, but my closest friends are not. I am the Vocalist of a heavy metal band. I manage the band's finances, social media... everything. You can probably guess where this is going...

For months I would lie about the band's income, and I would take all of the proceeds for myself so I could go and use drugs. We started recording a new album over a year ago... but had to delay it for months because I was in and out of jail and rehab. Now that I am finally out and clean - I am doing everything I can to make things right. I started a fundraiser through 'Kickstarter' to help try and return the funds to my band.

Besides the financial issues, does anyone have any other advice? They don't quite understand addiction... so I just seem like a scumbag to them. :(

I've already raised over $200! Really hoping I can make this happen because I know my band and our fans would be THRILLED!

Hi and welcome to the forum MxKing

I'm not in a 12 step programme but I think there's a reason why the amends bit is towards the end of the 12 steps and not at the beginning.

Its a pretty rough emotional process usually, so you'll want to be able to deal with that emotion without it making you want to use again.

I think it's best done when you've changed, you know you've changed, and others can see you've changed too.

It should really mean something - something more than than just I'm sorry.

As to how it should be done - honestly. No excuses or rationalisations, just honestly.

If you don't feel you're ready for that, then again, thats probably another reason to wait.

I know that you feel guilty and you want this resolved now, but give it some thought before you make a decision :)

D

"...I am doing everything I can to make things right. I started a fundraiser through 'Kickstarter' to help try and return the funds to my band..."

Often times I tick folks off with what I say here, but quite frankly, like good ole Scarlett, I don't give a damn. That being said, it's good that you want to make things right, but if collecting donations on Kickstarter to make repayment is how you're really going about this.........if you owed me $$ I wouldn't accept money from someone who owed me if they got it donated to them on Kickstarter; it should be from YOU (save; put $$ aside from each paycheck, but donations.....?) That wouldn't be you paying folks back; it would be from your Kickstarter friends, and they aren't the ones who owe the $$.

(o:

In my experience amend making needs to be left to later in sobriety, when the addict is actually aware of reality and understands the damage their behaviour has done to people.

We all tend to want to make all of our amends right away and start life with a clean slate. Not how it (or life) works.

Step 9 is 9 for a reason.

That said, when we stop using we also have the chance to stop behaving the way we used to. Then we can start making things like financial amends. I'm still making mine little by little.

The best amends you can make right now is to stay clean each day. See what the nice folks in NA have to say. Worked for me.