To all the dad's
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
To all the dad's
A major part of my utter self destruction was leaving my family for another woman. Yeah.. I wasn't happy with the old ball and chain. She was so incredibly negative and judgemental. But how I handled it was horrible. I don't know of I'll ever forgive myself.
I have two boys. I get to see one of them once a month or so due to my schedule. The other doesn't care to visit. They all moved 2.5hrs away.
Regret. So much regret. Wish I had hung around till the kids were gone and worked on the marriage in the meantime in hopes of recovery.
Father's day for me is more like regret day. It's difficult. Getting easier each time, but difficult.
I am now 14months sober. And I love it. I was an all day drunk for the better part of a year and an every day drinker for years before that.
If only. Lots of if only's. If only I had seen my problem earlier and quit.
For all the dad's out there struggling to quit. Just do it. Quit before you create a situation that you will regret for the rest of your life. Just quit. Do it for you first and foremost. Do it to protect yourself from mental pain and physical damage.
And quit for your children 2nd. Quit so they will have a dad they can admire as well as love. If your still drinking and you wish you could stop. Use father's day as a jumping point. Just stop.
For all the sober dad's...
Father's day is a special day for you and your family. Be proud of what you've done for you and for them. You've given your children a beautiful gift!!
If your newly sober and struggling with sleeplessness, anxiety, or depression, do your best to relax on father's day. Make it as peaceful as you can. Don't pit too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes we set high expectations for days like this. Don't set any expectations at all. Be happy for the new day.
Being a dad is an awesome responsibility. Being a sober dad is even More awesome!
Have a peaceful and sober Father's day!
I have two boys. I get to see one of them once a month or so due to my schedule. The other doesn't care to visit. They all moved 2.5hrs away.
Regret. So much regret. Wish I had hung around till the kids were gone and worked on the marriage in the meantime in hopes of recovery.
Father's day for me is more like regret day. It's difficult. Getting easier each time, but difficult.
I am now 14months sober. And I love it. I was an all day drunk for the better part of a year and an every day drinker for years before that.
If only. Lots of if only's. If only I had seen my problem earlier and quit.
For all the dad's out there struggling to quit. Just do it. Quit before you create a situation that you will regret for the rest of your life. Just quit. Do it for you first and foremost. Do it to protect yourself from mental pain and physical damage.
And quit for your children 2nd. Quit so they will have a dad they can admire as well as love. If your still drinking and you wish you could stop. Use father's day as a jumping point. Just stop.
For all the sober dad's...
Father's day is a special day for you and your family. Be proud of what you've done for you and for them. You've given your children a beautiful gift!!
If your newly sober and struggling with sleeplessness, anxiety, or depression, do your best to relax on father's day. Make it as peaceful as you can. Don't pit too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes we set high expectations for days like this. Don't set any expectations at all. Be happy for the new day.
Being a dad is an awesome responsibility. Being a sober dad is even More awesome!
Have a peaceful and sober Father's day!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Thats a very honest and moving post IC.
I think it's Hevyn who has her sig as "You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done."
I really believe that
I hope you and all the northern hemisphere SR dads have a good Fathers Day,
D
I think it's Hevyn who has her sig as "You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done."
I really believe that
I hope you and all the northern hemisphere SR dads have a good Fathers Day,
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hi Incontrol15 ,
Your post moved me too , i'm a dad to 2 lads 32 and 22 and one girl 31 . I am so fortunate to have them all near me , the youngest still at home . I have regrets and if only,s too over the years with 2 separations both of which ended with a promise of never drinking again so we got back only to see my self lasting maybe a month and picking up a drink , so many regrets . I was never a bad dad but could have been much more involved especially with the eldest . What is , is though I cant be beating myself up any more .
Congrats on 14 months hope you are well .
Your post moved me too , i'm a dad to 2 lads 32 and 22 and one girl 31 . I am so fortunate to have them all near me , the youngest still at home . I have regrets and if only,s too over the years with 2 separations both of which ended with a promise of never drinking again so we got back only to see my self lasting maybe a month and picking up a drink , so many regrets . I was never a bad dad but could have been much more involved especially with the eldest . What is , is though I cant be beating myself up any more .
Congrats on 14 months hope you are well .
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 926
Hey IC,
I can relate to your post, as I'm sure many a dad can. My marriage was a train wreck for which I'll take 50% of the responsibility and whilst I too didn't cover myself in glory post split up, I know I'm so much happier now, as is my ex, as are my children.
No point living in regret, easier said than done but it's true. Everything happens for a reason, whether or not those reasons are apparent just now is immaterial.
For me I know I wouldn't/ couldn't have got sober had I stayed with my ex, so despite the pain and the heartache, for that reason alone I'm content that things have worked out for the better.
Happy Father's Day.
I can relate to your post, as I'm sure many a dad can. My marriage was a train wreck for which I'll take 50% of the responsibility and whilst I too didn't cover myself in glory post split up, I know I'm so much happier now, as is my ex, as are my children.
No point living in regret, easier said than done but it's true. Everything happens for a reason, whether or not those reasons are apparent just now is immaterial.
For me I know I wouldn't/ couldn't have got sober had I stayed with my ex, so despite the pain and the heartache, for that reason alone I'm content that things have worked out for the better.
Happy Father's Day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Thought I'd make an update.
I learned, or actually reinforced, two concepts on Father's Day.
1. Don't set expectations. Don't even let the mind go there. Force yourself to think of something else, or play it through with the expectations falling short.
2. Go with the flow. Do what you can to make the most out of now.
I got to see my boys for 3hrs. I was bumbed about that, but I really didn't want that to take away from the time I had. So I thought how lucky I was to see them at all.
We ended up having an awesome time together. Played mini golf and sat under a shade tree for over half an hour talking after 9 holes. A really nice talk too. Mini golf became over 2hrs long. So much fun. And the time spent filled a hole in my heart.
Later in the day, my GF and her little daughter hung out to watch the NBA finals. Game 7. Do or die game. My home team was playing (Cleveland). Rather than sitting in the living room, I decided it would be more fun to watch it outside! So I set up the TV and surround sound on the back patio. Missed much of the first quarter doing that. But it was worth it. Speakers were blaring, we were cozy in lawn chairs.
I explained to little Laci how it's been 50yrs since Cleveland has won a championship. That we had really close calls but they were stripped away with plays so outrageous, they were named. Like "The shot" by Micheal Jordan, or "The drive" by Elway and the Broncos.
I talked about how LeBron James had a life time goal, since he was 10, to bring a trophy to Cleveland.
She was so pumped and into the game. It was a blast. WellWell, wouldn't you know it... They won! He did it! Some how we avoided another outrageous play!
We screamed and cheered at the top of our voices. The neighborhood responded in kind! We then shot fireworks off for an hour together.
What a blast. Far better than any expectation I could have set for the day.
I learned, or actually reinforced, two concepts on Father's Day.
1. Don't set expectations. Don't even let the mind go there. Force yourself to think of something else, or play it through with the expectations falling short.
2. Go with the flow. Do what you can to make the most out of now.
I got to see my boys for 3hrs. I was bumbed about that, but I really didn't want that to take away from the time I had. So I thought how lucky I was to see them at all.
We ended up having an awesome time together. Played mini golf and sat under a shade tree for over half an hour talking after 9 holes. A really nice talk too. Mini golf became over 2hrs long. So much fun. And the time spent filled a hole in my heart.
Later in the day, my GF and her little daughter hung out to watch the NBA finals. Game 7. Do or die game. My home team was playing (Cleveland). Rather than sitting in the living room, I decided it would be more fun to watch it outside! So I set up the TV and surround sound on the back patio. Missed much of the first quarter doing that. But it was worth it. Speakers were blaring, we were cozy in lawn chairs.
I explained to little Laci how it's been 50yrs since Cleveland has won a championship. That we had really close calls but they were stripped away with plays so outrageous, they were named. Like "The shot" by Micheal Jordan, or "The drive" by Elway and the Broncos.
I talked about how LeBron James had a life time goal, since he was 10, to bring a trophy to Cleveland.
She was so pumped and into the game. It was a blast. WellWell, wouldn't you know it... They won! He did it! Some how we avoided another outrageous play!
We screamed and cheered at the top of our voices. The neighborhood responded in kind! We then shot fireworks off for an hour together.
What a blast. Far better than any expectation I could have set for the day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Great post IC! Glad your Father's Day turned out positive and good for you.
One of the big reasons I got sober was because of my kids. They don't deserve a dad whose number 1 priority is drinking, they shouldn't be punished by my selfish decisions, sometimes as adults, we are not fair to our children. Plus, I don't ever want to be the one that helps pass my addictive personality onto another generation. Anything I can do to keep them from this terrible disease I will.
Glad you had a good day!
One of the big reasons I got sober was because of my kids. They don't deserve a dad whose number 1 priority is drinking, they shouldn't be punished by my selfish decisions, sometimes as adults, we are not fair to our children. Plus, I don't ever want to be the one that helps pass my addictive personality onto another generation. Anything I can do to keep them from this terrible disease I will.
Glad you had a good day!
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Yep, one of my biggest reasons for quitting drinking is that I did not want to pass the poison chalice to the kiddos by setting an example of heavy drinking. Fortunately I seemed to have stopped in time for them to have no memory of it. I don't claim to be the perfect dad by any means, but at least I know I did something to prevent messing them up with my bad example.
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