blueberry2015

How did you guys feel about this?

Ive havent had the desire to... you know what for quite a while in sobriety but erm *blushes* I did yesterday. I dont know how I feel about it tbh, I cant remember the last time I had made love sober tbh.

Ok. It was different. Not crazied frenzied or wild, with wine in me thats what I was like, a nymph lol. Sober.... quite the opposite It was nice but different.

Im a bit worried about it, whether... its "enough" for both me and my husband tbh.

Mixed feelings, I hope you dont mind me sharing here, its not something I feel comfortable about talking with my sponsor let alone a meeting!!

Can anyone relate to how I feel?

couchloc

Glad to hear it. It's about time.

blueberry2015

Lol!!

blueberry2015

I am worried tho, it was so different I dont want it to become an issue in our relationship. I'll be honest, it felt like it was with a different person.... gulp.

Anna

The thing is Blueberry, making love with your husband when you were drinking, wasn't the real you anyways. Now you are out there and feeling the emotions involved. It's likely to feel strange, but this is really 'you' connecting with your husband.

Ambuler

I absolutely relate. I've been on/off sober the past week (today's officially day one no booze), and my husband quit smoking weed at the same time. We've only made love once in almost two weeks (total lack of desire) and it was, well....let's just say it wasn't exactly fireworks going off, more like sparklers lol I think we both were a little less uninhibited and more self conscious. I'm sure it will get better once we get used being completely in reality and not on some mind altering substance.

I'm glad you brought this up because I was wondering if I was the only one going through this!

blueberry2015

Yeah I guess. It does feel a bit strange.

blueberry2015

Im hoping I feel ok with it, and that he does too. I guess it will effect him too... he is living with a very different person these days, you know I ought to be discussing this with him but I dont want it to become an "issue". It does feel .... different lol

uncorked

I'm in the middle of a divorce so I'm not facing your situation, but I've wondered that myself. I'm not nearly as, well, uninhibited sober as I am drinking. But I guess I don't need to worry about it. I agree with Anna, though. This is the "real" you and it may take some time before you're comfortable with her.

Berrybean

Why not ask him? Tell him your concerns. You might be surprised. After all, you're his wife. Sex in a marriage or long term relationship is an expression of love. You probably expressed a lot more love and tenderness to him in your recent gentle lovemaking than you ever did in any drunken sexual frenzy. He may well have been very touched by that.

blueberry2015

He said he preferred it lol. Oh for gods sake, recovery is difficult at times. Im feeling a bit ..... flat at the moment. Never in a million years would Id expected all this, im learning to live again you know and its hard at times. I'll be ok just need more time I think to feel ok with everything in general.

shortstop81

I may have *acted* less inhibited while under the influence, but looking back it definitely wasn't as enjoyable. I wouldn't feel that passion and connection that can only come from being fully present and vulnerable.

Plus, I remember it now, so that's always a bonus in my mind.

LostLilly

Personally, I would feel a false sense of sexiness and in the mood so I would be more prone to instigating with my husband. As for the actual act, waaaaaay better sober!!!! More intense feelings and pleasure!! Heck sometimes the booze made things just numb! Try to get over the inhibition, it will happen! It feels way better sober!! This is off topic but I was stupid enough to get a massage drunk. That a waste of money. I couldn't even feel my sore muscles or how relaxing and good it felt! Sober you truly appreciate it and it feels wonderful. Same for sex!!!!

Lilly

entropy1964

I think you have an opportunity to get to know each other. Communication is probably the most important aspect of love making, IMO. You can learn to be open without booze. My guess is sex will take on a whole new meaning during this time. Its much better sober. You'll be the real you.

Mountainmanbob

Up on top the mountain I have noticed.
Works best when there have been no high expectations set.
MB

blueberry2015

Its like anything in recovery I guess, there is a first for everything and it takes time to adjust get to know yourself etc etc. I do feel loads better now tho. I guess I just felt odd about it. Im glad today is over actually, its fathers day here in the UK and my dad is no longer with us, today is always a reminder that he's not here anymore, I definitely feel thats contributed to the flat mood Ive been feeling recently too. Im ok. Im sober. Roll on tomorrow. Thanks for your comments its really helped get my head round the initial topic.