Polaroid

... being sober.

I miss volley ball. Just serving aces, or making a perfect spike creates a rush in itself. I miss bandy. I miss team sports in general. I've always been an athlete, but alcohol is destroying it.

I miss being able to develop my app. It's almost ready for release, just need to fix a few bugs and stuff, but my mind is not that clear right now.

Now I'm just drinking to maintain. Fend off the withdrawals. I'm trying to taper, but it's tough.

It's just been one month since I was sober and happy, and whenever I make eye contact with a baby or a child, I smile, but secretly seriously envy them... they are happier than me, and not dependent on some stupid drug. Same with the birds I hear outside my bedroom window. The bird calls... they function, more than me right now.

I guess you won again, alcohol. Even though it's just been a month. I'm seriously considering checking myself into detox in a hospital. I still have an abject terror for it though... ambivalence.

Sorry for another rant... Whatever I do, wish me luck...

Fabela

I think you know what to do, deep down. Start taking care of yourself now, by doing the right thing. Detox, even rehab. Don't let yourself go to waste. Dette klarer du. Søk hjelp!

JD

Unfortunately, sobriety doesn't have anything to do with luck. You need to take control and put it into action. All those things you miss, you can have them again.

least

I hope you will soon get sober for good. Then you can have the life you want.

Mountainmanbob

All the things that you miss are still waiting for you.

Sometimes going back and getting burned yet again
is exactly what's needed before making a firm decision to stop drinking.

Worked for me and it can (will) work for you.

Good luck
Mountainmanbob

Soberwolf

You can stop drinking if you want to & when you want to we'l be right here

Anna

Drinking to maintain and trying to taper are both bad places to be.

It really is so much easier to just stop drinking.

soberclover

Tapering sounds like hell to me and I know I couldn't do it that way. I'm glad you are thinking about your sobriety as drinking isn't working.

Glad you are here!

tomsteve

IF ya want to get sober, its time to accept that this maintaining and tapering aren't working and time to go get professional help.

don't you think its rather insane to be afraid of getting help? insane to do something that will not only save your life, but get ya away from existing and into living?

Hevyn

Hi Polaroid. We feel you - we've all been there. You can reclaim your life & never go back to this misery. Please keep posting.

northernsoul

Best of luck with your endeavour. You can be the person you want to be. I'm not the best at giving advice so I won't, I'll only say I wish you well and that we all have the capacity to change things for the better. Good luck.

Polaroid

Yeah, you are right... like Einstein said; the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and excpecting different results.

ER/Hospital/Detox will be next I suppose, if I can't do this myself.

Dee74

Hi Polaroid

You really can be sober again - push through the apathy and get some help.

Are you doing anything besides posting here on SR? If not why not join the latest monthly group thread, or the weekend thread, or the 24 hour recovery connections thread?

Bolster your support - you can do this

D

couchloc

Yeah volleyballs a blast. Get on that sobriety and ride out the crappy first stages. You'll be back in form and living again.

tomsteve

I hope and pray youre not going to attempt getting sober by yourself. there is absolutelynothing wrong with letting the professional medical field help.

Delilah1

Hi Polaroid,

I'm glad you are posting, and want to get sober again. I also joined SR in 2012 and it took me until January 1st of this year to get it right. I am only five and a half months sober, but I promise it is worth it.

If you think going to detox is what you need then do it. There are many avenues to recovery, find the one that will work for you, and keep checking in here.

I know you can do this!!!

Polaroid

Waking up this morning I didn't feel like crap, unlike I normally do. Maybe because I didn't drink very much last night. My resting heart rate is back to ~45. So my body doesn't feel stressed out.

I've become sober on my own a dozen of times. I'll admit I had two beers after I woke up, solely because of that icky tension in my shoulders. But still... my intuition says this is going the right way.

Two weeks ago I had a short sober phase. Easily beat my dad at a chess game for example. But I went back... why the hell do I always go back to drinking? Depression? Anxiety?

Detox/Rehab, I'm sorry but no... they must be getting tired of me now.

Hopefully I can join the training session on Wednesday. Cardio, especially, helps me spill those toxin sweats out of my body. It was just ONE MONTH since I was there last... and yeah, I miss it. Although I was in some mild withdrawals, feeling anxious, I decided to pour myself another drink. Big mistake. It just escalated so quickly.

When I get sober, I'll start taking Antabuse, because obviosly I can't control this.

Dee74

Have you thought about making a plan Polaroid?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Getting and staying fit is good stuff...and can be part of a plan - but that alone is not going to keep you sober...you know that, right?

D

Polaroid

Sometimes the "professionals" know less than me.

Polaroid

Well yes, a plan. Getting sober first of all. I know I'll be so depressed when I am, but I guess I just have to deal with it. Mainly what makes me depressed is the feeling that I'm a lonely drunk.

But, I expect that to pass, eventually. If I just stop drinking.

You never know what life's coming at you when sober. When drinking, you always know. And what I mean by that is, when drinking, you know your life is about to turn to sh... When sober, life comes at you in different ways, and you never know what comes next. Guaranteed that it will be absolutely positively better things than being a drunk though.