I feel like this is my last chance
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I feel like this is my last chance
I may be worrying over nothing but I feel like this is my last chance to give up. I'm currently on day 3 after a 3 day binge. I was in hospital detoxing in March and they then gave it 3 months to check if my liver had returned to normal. Of course I was dumb and kept going on binges. My doctor told me to give up before it was permanent damage. This time has been horrible coming off. Diarrhea all the time, early morning retching, stomach pains, reflux, liver pain and chest pains. I guess I'm worried my liver won't return to normal. Today I went shopping after having to come home yesterday and ended up in bed dozing off as soon as I got home. I was flat out yesterday just making the vegetable soup. My boyfriend told me I better make a will yesterday as I was so unwell. I have been drinking for 15 years and won't last another year if I pick up again. I thought it might be good to write this to warn other people not to fool around with thinking another drunk won't hurt. I'd also like to hear if anyone has a similar story and made it out to the other side. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Sweetichick, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Please know that sobriety and recovery are within your reach.
Reading that you're experiencing chest pains, I do hope that you'll seek medical attention -- now. It's important.
Reading that you're experiencing chest pains, I do hope that you'll seek medical attention -- now. It's important.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 71
Hi sweetichick, I hear you loud and clear! I am also familiar with that feeling of: I do not want to die this way. And I do not want to waste what time I have left on this earth, battling this same old dragon. I want to live. It sounds like you do too. <3
If you are having all of those physical issues, I agree that you should check in with a doctor. I have been told that withdrawal that bad is nothing to eff around with.
Sending you strength!
If you are having all of those physical issues, I agree that you should check in with a doctor. I have been told that withdrawal that bad is nothing to eff around with.
Sending you strength!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I second that if you are feeling chest pains to go to the hospital now. It is better to go there and get it checked out then to wait until it is too late and then you have to count on an ambulance getting there in time.
You can do this! It is never too late to find recovery! I am not sure why your BF is worried about a will when he should be worried about your health and your symptoms but I guess you know him and the situation better then I do, just thought I'd point out that that is not a normal thing to worry about at this moment.
Have you considered doing another medical detox? Counseling might also really help you sort out all your thoughts and help you move forward. Do you have sober family and friends to lean on? Support is so important, if not AA is the next best place to find a strong sober support system. Be easy with yourself, your energy and motivation will start to come back.. eat what you can, take vitamins, and try to keep yourself moving around as best as you can.
Please don't down play any symptoms that you are feeling. Better safe then sorry, and sometimes the hospital will give you medicines to ease a lot of your symptoms and you can be rest assured you are getting the medical attention you so desperately need. YOU NEVER HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN as long as you choose recovery and start moving forwards instead of having to look back.
You can do this! It is never too late to find recovery! I am not sure why your BF is worried about a will when he should be worried about your health and your symptoms but I guess you know him and the situation better then I do, just thought I'd point out that that is not a normal thing to worry about at this moment.
Have you considered doing another medical detox? Counseling might also really help you sort out all your thoughts and help you move forward. Do you have sober family and friends to lean on? Support is so important, if not AA is the next best place to find a strong sober support system. Be easy with yourself, your energy and motivation will start to come back.. eat what you can, take vitamins, and try to keep yourself moving around as best as you can.
Please don't down play any symptoms that you are feeling. Better safe then sorry, and sometimes the hospital will give you medicines to ease a lot of your symptoms and you can be rest assured you are getting the medical attention you so desperately need. YOU NEVER HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN as long as you choose recovery and start moving forwards instead of having to look back.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I hope you can find a way to make this the time that you get sober for good. What programs have you tried thus far? I'd also recommend following up with your doctor if you are still having those symptoms.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,508
I'm from Sydney sweetchick. You Bronco's always beat us, and you can beat the grog too.
I've relapsed and detoxed many times and can only say that being sober, though difficult psychologically and emotionally so much better than the living hell you are experiencing.
I am not a doctor sweetchick but your liver (and the rest) will not, imo withstand the onslaught you are delivering it. Keep posting here sweetchick and stay connected. If you want to PM me please do. Queensland and NSW united for once. haha
One day at a time (I don't go to AA) sweetchick, you can do this. Thinking about you up there, over the border. Lots of love from NSW.
I've relapsed and detoxed many times and can only say that being sober, though difficult psychologically and emotionally so much better than the living hell you are experiencing.
I am not a doctor sweetchick but your liver (and the rest) will not, imo withstand the onslaught you are delivering it. Keep posting here sweetchick and stay connected. If you want to PM me please do. Queensland and NSW united for once. haha
One day at a time (I don't go to AA) sweetchick, you can do this. Thinking about you up there, over the border. Lots of love from NSW.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hello and welcome,
My story is very similar to yours and I can relate to everything you write. A bit about me.....34. Alcoholic. Drank alcoholically for about 10 years. Health problems? Yes. I was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis at 31 years old. I was never hospitalized but I was very sick. I drank every night. Large amounts.
I thought I would never stop. If you told me that half of alcoholics will get sober someday and half won't, I would've said I'm in the group that won't.
I thought i would never stop.
But I did. I couldn't take the hangovers anymore. Yeah. They got that bad. And they were every day.
As someone who drank past a medical diagnosis, please take my word and stop now. I also want to report that my body is now healed. My liver is normal. I had a CT scan to confirm this. I hope this can help you see it's not too late for you to stop either.
Welcome. I've been sober for two years. It is possible to live without alcohol.
It's actually easier living without alcohol than with alcohol. Much easier.
My story is very similar to yours and I can relate to everything you write. A bit about me.....34. Alcoholic. Drank alcoholically for about 10 years. Health problems? Yes. I was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis at 31 years old. I was never hospitalized but I was very sick. I drank every night. Large amounts.
I thought I would never stop. If you told me that half of alcoholics will get sober someday and half won't, I would've said I'm in the group that won't.
I thought i would never stop.
But I did. I couldn't take the hangovers anymore. Yeah. They got that bad. And they were every day.
As someone who drank past a medical diagnosis, please take my word and stop now. I also want to report that my body is now healed. My liver is normal. I had a CT scan to confirm this. I hope this can help you see it's not too late for you to stop either.
Welcome. I've been sober for two years. It is possible to live without alcohol.
It's actually easier living without alcohol than with alcohol. Much easier.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I too thought I would never stop. I kept trying and failing. I finally went to rehab and it seems to be what has clicked for me. Is rehab an option for you? I feel like it saved my life, it was a great experience for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: London(ish)
Posts: 202
Hi Sweetichick - also on day 3 here!
I second getting yourself checked out Sweetichick, please go do it now, far better to be cautious in these sort of circumstances. I promise there will be people there getting checked out for far less!
As for this being your last chance - maybe this is your last chance and maybe it isn't but one thing is certain - you absolutely don't want to find out the answer to that question! The very best thing that could happen is that this question is never answered. I know I've asked the same question before (right up to a few days ago) but I'm trying not to let myself ask this question ever again since they only way to answer it is to drink again - so it's an awful question!
There are far better questions that need answering like - what could I do with more energy, more time, more money, more friends, better health - the list goes on.
Hope you are feeling better and thanks for posting - it really helps me to hear others stories right now!
I second getting yourself checked out Sweetichick, please go do it now, far better to be cautious in these sort of circumstances. I promise there will be people there getting checked out for far less!
As for this being your last chance - maybe this is your last chance and maybe it isn't but one thing is certain - you absolutely don't want to find out the answer to that question! The very best thing that could happen is that this question is never answered. I know I've asked the same question before (right up to a few days ago) but I'm trying not to let myself ask this question ever again since they only way to answer it is to drink again - so it's an awful question!
There are far better questions that need answering like - what could I do with more energy, more time, more money, more friends, better health - the list goes on.
Hope you are feeling better and thanks for posting - it really helps me to hear others stories right now!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Hey Everyone, I went to ER and they said I'd dropped off the alcohol way too fast. They wouldn't give me any valium as I am seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday and they said it was up to him and recommended tapering. Of course as an alcoholic I cannot taper but have halved my intake today from what is was before I went into withdrawal. Thankyou to everyone on here who stopped me possibly having a heart attack. They ran a few tests and there are more to go with my usual doctor. Anyway its only 3 days till Wednesday here so I should be okay. I don't think I'll die overnight. Nice to meet you girl from Sydney. I love aussie, its the best country in the world. I had a big fight with my boyfriend over the tapering and he is not happy. Anyway more tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Your hospital visit is once again another horrible example of how incompetent the medical field is and how poorly trained they are. (Until I specifically started going to doctor's that specialized in addiction I ran into so many ignorant doctors that gave harmful advice).
I can't believe they told you to taper and then thought that I doctor's appointment on Wednesday was close enough to just let you go without anything at all. And as for "I don't think i'll die overnight".. that is a pretty big risk considering once it happens there is no coming back.
I'm sorry you reached out for help and were met with incompetent doctors that thought the solution was tapering. I am not saying they HAD to give you a benzo, but they could have admitted you to allow you to safely detox in the hospital under supervision. Hell they could have done SOMETHING.
Please stay safe
I can't believe they told you to taper and then thought that I doctor's appointment on Wednesday was close enough to just let you go without anything at all. And as for "I don't think i'll die overnight".. that is a pretty big risk considering once it happens there is no coming back.
I'm sorry you reached out for help and were met with incompetent doctors that thought the solution was tapering. I am not saying they HAD to give you a benzo, but they could have admitted you to allow you to safely detox in the hospital under supervision. Hell they could have done SOMETHING.
Please stay safe
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I sympathize with so much of your story. I also kept going long after I knew it was time to quit. The combination of the fear of withdrawals, mixed wih the embarrassment of admitting that I'm an alcoholic, was enouh to keep me on the train longer than I would care to admit. It's also the reason that my last relapse basically lasted for six months.
About five years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night while my wife was out of town, and was having horrible alcohol withdrawals, well, what I thought was horrible at the time, it got much worse over the next year. I was having horrible anxiety, my hands were shaking, my legs were cramped up and weak, I was dry heaving, so I called the local hospital to get advice. They told me to find alcohol in my house and drink until the withdawals were tolerable, and go back to sleep. They even suggested vanilla extract if I didn't have any booze in the house. Of course, I had booze in the house, I was just hoping for an excuse to stop drinking, and maybe some medical assistance with that. But, after the hospital gave me permission, in my mind anyway, I kept drinking for another year. That last year was absolute hell. The only pleasure I had in life was the tingle in my stomach from a mouthful of vodka, knowing that my withdrawal symptoms would soon be gone. Oh, and I worked in a brewery. Drying out during the day wasn't necessary, so I became an around the clock drinker.
The good news is that when I finally checked myself in to the hospital for supervised detox, I had alcoholic hepatitis, and in three days, my numbers were completely normal. The liver can bounce back from a hell of a lot of abuse, but you have to help it. If you are seeing your doctor on Wednesday, I would suggest making a solid plan for recovery with the assistance of the doctor. It clearly sounds like you need either supervision, or anti-withdrawal medicine, or both. Be extremely careful between now and then. Tapering is a terrible way to try to get sober, as I'm sure you already know. Eat lots of healthy food, as your body needs to stay nourished to heal and cleanse itself.
Best of luck with your recovery, and post again soon to let us know how you are doing.
About five years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night while my wife was out of town, and was having horrible alcohol withdrawals, well, what I thought was horrible at the time, it got much worse over the next year. I was having horrible anxiety, my hands were shaking, my legs were cramped up and weak, I was dry heaving, so I called the local hospital to get advice. They told me to find alcohol in my house and drink until the withdawals were tolerable, and go back to sleep. They even suggested vanilla extract if I didn't have any booze in the house. Of course, I had booze in the house, I was just hoping for an excuse to stop drinking, and maybe some medical assistance with that. But, after the hospital gave me permission, in my mind anyway, I kept drinking for another year. That last year was absolute hell. The only pleasure I had in life was the tingle in my stomach from a mouthful of vodka, knowing that my withdrawal symptoms would soon be gone. Oh, and I worked in a brewery. Drying out during the day wasn't necessary, so I became an around the clock drinker.
The good news is that when I finally checked myself in to the hospital for supervised detox, I had alcoholic hepatitis, and in three days, my numbers were completely normal. The liver can bounce back from a hell of a lot of abuse, but you have to help it. If you are seeing your doctor on Wednesday, I would suggest making a solid plan for recovery with the assistance of the doctor. It clearly sounds like you need either supervision, or anti-withdrawal medicine, or both. Be extremely careful between now and then. Tapering is a terrible way to try to get sober, as I'm sure you already know. Eat lots of healthy food, as your body needs to stay nourished to heal and cleanse itself.
Best of luck with your recovery, and post again soon to let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Unreal. So you were on Day 3 but started drinking again per the hospital's advice? Do I have that right?
Ugh. You really have to choose whether or not you want recovery. It does get better but only if you don't drink, one day at a time.
Ugh. You really have to choose whether or not you want recovery. It does get better but only if you don't drink, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi sweetichick, your body is sending you signals. The signals are that it does not like what you are doing to it. As you probably know quitting cold turkey can be dangerous, and I agree with others that the doctor probably didn't give you the latest greatest medical advice, but its done and over with. Once you get sober, you should make every effort to remain sober. Your body sounds like it can't take much more.
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