SoberFreckles

I've just found out that my mum's cancer is incurable. Since the initial cancer diagnosis a few week's back, I haven't even thought of drinking- the last thing I need in a world where everything is spinning out of control is to lose control of myself. But now there is no hope. The emotions are so big that I am worried I won't be able to cope with them., sober or otherwise, to be honest. I realise I am at the beginning of what will probably be a protracted period of emotional horror and I don't know how to protect myself.

Midwest1981

I am sorry about your mom. Drinking will only make those emotions worse and it will be hard to be there for her and your family if you decide to do that. It would only be a temporary escape. There is really no way to protect yourself from going through grief. Unfortunately it is a part of life but you do get through it. I promise.

aasharon90

Prayers go out for you, your mom
and family during this trying time.

Stay connected to your recovery
support group whether it be here
or in meetings and with folks that
can carry you, support, love and
care for you.

You never have to go thru anything
in life alone or by urself ever again.

Stay strong in your faith and allow
your Higher Power strengthen your
heart and soul to provide peace and
serenity with each step you take.

Soberwolf

With us Soberfreckles I've been through this and all I can say is don't drink it will only make the pain worse there is more than a few members here who have lost family to cancer it's heartbreaking and I just want you to know that were with you all the way... stay in regular contact and know we have all the time in the world for you at this time

You can pm ask questions anytime or if it helps talking about anything to help I'm there



Stay strong x

doggonecarl

It was my mother's cancer and stint in hospice that took my drinking off the rails. I also relapsed on drugs, stealing oxy pain killers from her cabinet to numb my emotional pain.

This was 2007. I've been sober since 2010. Looking back I see that I was incredibly selfish to use drinking and drugging to deal with my emotional fragility when my mother who was dealing with cancer. Here I was coping (poorly) with grief and there was my mom, dealing with dying, actually undergoing the event that was causing me emotional turmoil and I wasn't thinking about that. I was just thinking about me and how bad I was feeling and how I wanted the bad feelings to go away. Selfish.

Don't be like me. Eat your grief, deal with the emotional horror sober and be there for your mom.

And if you need grief counseling, seek it out.

entropy1964

I'm so sorry about your Mom. I lost my hub to cancer so I get it. He was only 56 and we'd only been married 5 months. Very tough stuff.

See this as an opportunity to be there for your Mom. She will need you and you won't regret being selfless during this time. Trust me.

Venecia

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, Freckles.

When I joined SR, one of the truisms mentioned by the veterans -- and Doggonecarl was one of them -- is that life happens on its own terms. There are things over which we have no control, but we can control how we respond to them.

Little did I know how true that was when my father died -- completely unexpected -- when I was 9.5 months sober.

We cannot anesthetize ourselves -- e.g., get drunk -- through the bad times. We have to summon our grit and be present for them, too. We have to be there for others -- in this case, your Mum -- and we have to be there for ourselves, too.

For you, the hope that her cancer can be cured may no longer exist, but you can transition your hope. Build hope that you can be together as a family, comfort her and that her time on this Earth can be as peace-filled as possible. That's hope, too.

Remember, that's a two-way street. Our sobriety allows us to find joy in life where there was none before.

LadyBlue0527

I am so sorry to see this. Hard enough to be working on one of the hardest things you'll ever do and have it coupled with one of the hardest events.

You're absolutely right in your thinking and it still applies with what you just learned.

Come here and post, everyone is here for you and yes, grief counseling would be a good thought. Drinking will not change things and even worse, it will hinder you in getting through this as sanely as can be expected.

Thinking of you.

Opivotal

SoberFreckles, my heart goes out to you.

I'm very sorry to hear about your Mum.

Use your support system, get your feelings out.

You can get through this without drinking.

Please, don't add regrets to an already most difficult time.

SoberLife90

Are you in a 12 step program? Stay as close as you canwith people on this website and other people in recovery.

ccam1973

Soberfreakels, so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

I will just echo what the others have already said. Try and surround yourself with family, friends and support right now. Leave the temptation of drinking off of the table. You will get through the grief, it will be tough, but you will get through and be proud that you handled it without drinking. Always remember, drinking will only bring more darkness into our lives. Right now you need to be focused on your Mum and family, not when and where your next drink will come.

Again, I am so sorry about this news and will be praying for you.

Mountainmanbob

Just from experience I know that drinking can slow down or stop the proper grieving process. I ran hard to the bottle when my first wife was killed in a traffic accident. Carried that untreated grief with me for over 10 years -- until I sobered up.

Be strong and sober for your Mom and even more so when she is gone.

I'm sorry, for it is hard for us to say goodbye to loved ones.

Mountainman

soberclover

I'm sorry SoberFreckles. What I have learned in my recovery journey is that if I don't go through my pain sober and deal with the feelings/issues,they will be waiting for me. If I drink and then deal with the feelings/issues later when I'm sober, I'll also have to deal with my guilt on top of that for drinking. Ah, it is tough.

I'll be thinking of you (( hugs))

hopeful4

Everyone has had great words of wisdom, I just want to add that I am so sorry about your mom's diagnosis. SR is here for you every step of the way. Hugs hugs.

Cherrybreeze

I am so sorry about your mom, SF.

I know you want to be present in these moments and for her, and alcohol will take that away from you. There will be more to grieve down the road if you take that escape now, and I know you know that. Hang in there and keep posting. Prayers to you.

Fly N Buy

I have gone through several deaths, including a sibling and both parents. I was in my cups the entire time, full of self pity and useless to them and others who needed me.

I have learned that being sober and engaged, not just in the good times but perhaps more so in the the bad times is very special and filled with grace. To be in the moment for your Mom, helping and comforting soberly - seem like an incredible opportunity.

I am sorry for your pain, but especially for your Mom facing what we all will someday. I am sure she scared of the unknown. She is fortunate to have a sober child......

Anna

I'm very sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. Yes, it will be a tough time for you and your family. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to stay sober through this period. I went through something that was incredibly scary during my first months of recovery and I remember thinking that if I can get through this, I will be able to get through anything.

hopeful4

I will also say that I am betting your sobriety would be the most beautiful gift you could give your mom, both now and in her knowing you will be sober in the future.

Tight hugs!

IfYouCanDream

I'm so sorry to hear that SF.

The best gift you can give to your Mom is staying sober, no matter what.

Sending prayers and strength your way.

emme99

So sorry to hear about your mom SoberFreckles.

I will keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers