Resentments created by my head.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
Resentments created by my head.
I had a bit of an epiphany at a meeting last night, when this guy was talking about his Step 5 and being overly sensitive/making stuff up in his head and resenting everyone for it.
In my head - I resent pretty much everybody in my life - because I'm sure that person either 1) doesn't like me as a person or 2) thinks that there is something wrong with me or 3) looks at me as being a freak or a mentally ill person, blah blah blah.
So I walk around my life/office/meetings all day in "defense mode" and/or with a b*tchy attitude because I have all these resentments because all these people don't like me.
I snap at people because I'm sure they dislike who I am as a person and therefore I need to dislike them back. (How dare they all hate me....)
Then, I think..... people now actually don't want to be around me - freaking understandably - because I'm defensive and have a bad attitude and seem angry all the time - which further confirms that they don't like me and further deepens my assurance that I am RIGHT. NOBODY LIKES ME.
But - to be honest? Maybe... I get it now.
Maybe.... it's because IIIIIIIIII don't like me.
That's why I project onto all of these people that they don't like me.
Have any of them actually come up to me and said "I don't like you" or "There's something wrong with you" or "You're a freak"?
*Lol* OK - maybe a couple of them - but for the most part? No....
I can't wait to work my way out of this mess. Maybe........... if I liked myself a little bit............ I'd stop making up in my head that nobody likes me.......... and then maybe I'd act a little nicer........... and then maybe people would act nicer back......... and on and on and good things would happen.
Ha. Ha.
Anybody relate to this crazy type of thinking?
In my head - I resent pretty much everybody in my life - because I'm sure that person either 1) doesn't like me as a person or 2) thinks that there is something wrong with me or 3) looks at me as being a freak or a mentally ill person, blah blah blah.
So I walk around my life/office/meetings all day in "defense mode" and/or with a b*tchy attitude because I have all these resentments because all these people don't like me.
I snap at people because I'm sure they dislike who I am as a person and therefore I need to dislike them back. (How dare they all hate me....)
Then, I think..... people now actually don't want to be around me - freaking understandably - because I'm defensive and have a bad attitude and seem angry all the time - which further confirms that they don't like me and further deepens my assurance that I am RIGHT. NOBODY LIKES ME.
But - to be honest? Maybe... I get it now.
Maybe.... it's because IIIIIIIIII don't like me.
That's why I project onto all of these people that they don't like me.
Have any of them actually come up to me and said "I don't like you" or "There's something wrong with you" or "You're a freak"?
*Lol* OK - maybe a couple of them - but for the most part? No....
I can't wait to work my way out of this mess. Maybe........... if I liked myself a little bit............ I'd stop making up in my head that nobody likes me.......... and then maybe I'd act a little nicer........... and then maybe people would act nicer back......... and on and on and good things would happen.
Ha. Ha.
Anybody relate to this crazy type of thinking?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Yep. That's my addictive thinking. The thinking that isolates me, makes me feel sorry for myself. That's the thinking that keeps me sick and drunk.
I am my thoughts. Period. And it does not matter what others think of me...as long as I'm good with me. Not everyone has to like me or even give a crap about me. No big deal.
I'm glad you are seeing this. Huge. Many people never do...... Changing your thinking takes practice but you can do it because you acknowledge the need to.
I am my thoughts. Period. And it does not matter what others think of me...as long as I'm good with me. Not everyone has to like me or even give a crap about me. No big deal.
I'm glad you are seeing this. Huge. Many people never do...... Changing your thinking takes practice but you can do it because you acknowledge the need to.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's not crazy thinking at, in fact its extremely common. And you pretty much nailed it. We have zero control over what other people think, nor can we know what they think. And most times it's self loathing/self-hatred that is behind it. And taking care of ourselves/accepting ourselves for what we are is the first step to fixing it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by frickaflip233 
yep. That's my addictive thinking. The thinking that isolates me, makes me feel sorry for myself. That's the thinking that keeps me sick and drunk.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Oh yes I can definitely relate to this type of thinking. When I was using I always thought someone was staring at me, giving me funny looks, I have thought to myself a million times "What is that b*tch staring at me for?" or "Oh look how she thinks she is so much better then I am" or even "look how they are staring I bet they are going to call the cops". I also avoided lots of people at school because I thought they didn't like me or that they thought I wasn't as smart as them or that I didn't look as nice as them etc. Basically just paranoid thinking. I was so insecure with myself, and I was so down on myself that I projected it on everyone and anyone.
Now that I have been sober for 10 months I have not once been out at a store and thought someone didn't like me, that someone was staring, or that someone was giving me a dirty look. I truly believe I felt so down on myself that I assumed the rest of the world thought the worst about me and therefore if someone even just tried to say hi on the grocery store line I would think a million things in my head all except the truth that they were just making friendly convocation.
Counseling, journaling, working on my recovery, and just working on loving and accepting myself has really helped me move forward and get out of the cycle of this unhealthy thinking.
Now that I have been sober for 10 months I have not once been out at a store and thought someone didn't like me, that someone was staring, or that someone was giving me a dirty look. I truly believe I felt so down on myself that I assumed the rest of the world thought the worst about me and therefore if someone even just tried to say hi on the grocery store line I would think a million things in my head all except the truth that they were just making friendly convocation.
Counseling, journaling, working on my recovery, and just working on loving and accepting myself has really helped me move forward and get out of the cycle of this unhealthy thinking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
my good friend, mentor, long distance sponsor loves to use this line on me when I start talking about this stuff....
"Poor me.... POOR ME!!! POUR ME (a drink)".
Yep, we have a tendency for resentments and anxieties and self esteem issues and un-addressed personal issues to well up and present themselves in our addictive minds as a great big pity party that we blame on others....
When what's really going on is that we are in need of turning inward and working our own happiness and self-acceptance.
You're on the right track.
"Poor me.... POOR ME!!! POUR ME (a drink)".
Yep, we have a tendency for resentments and anxieties and self esteem issues and un-addressed personal issues to well up and present themselves in our addictive minds as a great big pity party that we blame on others....
When what's really going on is that we are in need of turning inward and working our own happiness and self-acceptance.
You're on the right track.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by AdelineRose
Oh yes I can definitely relate to this type of thinking. When I was using I always thought someone was staring at me, giving me funny looks, I have thought to myself a million times "What is that b*tch staring at me for?" or "Oh look how she thinks she is so much better then I am" or even "look how they are staring I bet they are going to call the cops". I also avoided lots of people at school because I thought they didn't like me or that they thought I wasn't as smart as them or that I didn't look as nice as them etc. Basically just paranoid thinking. I was so insecure with myself, and I was so down on myself that I projected it on everyone and anyone.
Now that I have been sober for 10 months I have not once been out at a store and thought someone didn't like me, that someone was staring, or that someone was giving me a dirty look. I truly believe I felt so down on myself that I assumed the rest of the world thought the worst about me and therefore if someone even just tried to say hi on the grocery store line I would think a million things in my head all except the truth that they were just making friendly convocation.
Counseling, journaling, working on my recovery, and just working on loving and accepting myself has really helped me move forward and get out of the cycle of this unhealthy thinking.
Now that I have been sober for 10 months I have not once been out at a store and thought someone didn't like me, that someone was staring, or that someone was giving me a dirty look. I truly believe I felt so down on myself that I assumed the rest of the world thought the worst about me and therefore if someone even just tried to say hi on the grocery store line I would think a million things in my head all except the truth that they were just making friendly convocation.
Counseling, journaling, working on my recovery, and just working on loving and accepting myself has really helped me move forward and get out of the cycle of this unhealthy thinking.
I am really glad to hear it goes away with sober time!!!!!!!!!
. Great post, thanks!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Doing a 4th step with a friend who had been there before and had good sobriety, got me on the right track. As you mentioned I started to see patterns of MY behaviors.
Resentments are the number one offender to alcoholics. Dealing with them - starting with a 4th step putting pen to paper is the action towards the decision we made in step 3........
The committee in my head needed to be adjourned for sure!
Resentments are the number one offender to alcoholics. Dealing with them - starting with a 4th step putting pen to paper is the action towards the decision we made in step 3........
The committee in my head needed to be adjourned for sure!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
Yes, step away from those negative thoughts. Try to feel positive about yourself and open yourself to people in your life. It's hard to do, but if you can take a risk and open yourself a bit, you will find that people in your life respond positively.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
This epiphany is as important as you think it is. When I first began to work this stuff out, it was like I was dislodging boulders in my mind that had been there for aeons. It was like light was streaming into my mind - and my soul - after a long darkness. I try to keep working on recognising resentments, self-pitying behaviour and negativity everyday. It is the reason I can truly answer yes when anyone asks if I'm happy with my life.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
This epiphany is as important as you think it is. When I first began to work this stuff out, it was like I was dislodging boulders in my mind that had been there for aeons. It was like light was streaming into my mind - and my soul - after a long darkness. I try to keep working on recognising resentments, self-pitying behaviour and negativity everyday. It is the reason I can truly answer yes when anyone asks if I'm happy with my life.
What a feeling of lightness to not be constantly filled with self pity and poor me resentments. I am starting to feel kind of growed up!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Jumping on the boat here. Same thinking. I think it goes with the addiction territory because it makes it easier for us to create reasons to use.
I never imagined how complete selflessness could be so freeing.
I never imagined how complete selflessness could be so freeing.
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