Social settings- especially an upcoming wedding
 

Hi all, I needs some support/ suggestions on what to do in social settings where there is alcohol, especially for a wedding that is coming up.

I've just recently decided to commit to getting sober. I've tried to limit my drinking to only social settings in the past and it just doesn't work. I end up drinking before the occasion because I have a fair amount of social anxiety.
I'm 23, so it seems like most people like to drink and don't have a problem with it. No one around me really "parties", but there are plenty of occasions where I've gone to a brewery, had beer with dinner with friends, etc. and I just feel so guilty after and want to stop. I don't think my friends see it as a problem for me, but it is.
How do you go about social situations where there's alcohol? I guess its not a big deal for me just to not order a beer or whatever if other people are, but I think it might feel weird. I know the best thing to do is to avoid occasions where alcohol will be around, and that's what I'm going to focus on.
I have a wedding coming up in 3 days, and another one in a month, and then another in November. I think if I get a little bit of time under my belt of being sober, it won't be so hard to go to the wedding sober, but I'm especially anxious about the one on Friday. The friend that I'm going with has always been a friend that I've drank with. I told her I didn't want to drink at the wedding, and she said that's fine and she might not drink either. But what happens if she changes her mind at the wedding? I feel like then I'll want to drink too. Do you feel like it's helpful to drink like a club soda or carry around some other sort of drink so you don't feel totally weird at an occasion like that?
Thanks in advance for any suggestions and support. I'm totally new to this.

I think you have few options

1. Don't go. Since you are very newly sober and your drinking revolves around social events, you may need to simply avoid them for a while and until you get some good sobriety/tools under your belt. People miss weddings all the time for all sorts of reasons, your health and sobriety sounds like a fine reason to stay home to me,

2. Just go to the wedding itself and skip the party afterwards. The marriage ceremony is the most important part of the day anyway, so it's perfectly acceptable to go and honor the couple there, maybe bring a gift, and then head home.

3. If you do go, have a plan so you can leave at any time if the temptation is too high. This sounds pretty risky to me so early on in sobriety, and it already sounds like your friend might be drinking anyway, so you can't count on that. You'll need to have an iron clad plan to simply leave on your own if you need to.

This early is sobriety you need to make choices that are best for your sobriety. No one can tell you what to do... but if you are questioning it have a sure fire exit plan if you feel the urge to drink.

Being in social settings like weddings will get easier as time goes by. You will find that nobody pays attention to whether or not you're drinking alcohol. It sounds like the wedding this weekend might be too soon for you to be around people drinking.

Ive written a blog about this x Hope it helps x x x Socialising sober with normal drinkers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

It's risky to go to a social event with alcohol around this early. You may not be able to "pause" before your thinking suddenly changes and tells you it's ok to have one drink.

If you do go, I'd hold onto a non alcoholic drink with both of my hands like my life depended on it.

And I would just focus on myself, and not on who's drinking or not drinking.

Tough call. I like Scott's suggestion-- go to the ceremony and maybe dinner and bail for the reception after. I think that that early in sobriety, the temptation could be too much.

Prepare yourself with a plan. Sooner or later you'll probably be in a similar situation. Practice in your mind's eye being there. You can't avoid situations forever. Alreadu have a soft drink or picture yourself saying no thank you....If they ask why I'd ask for a soda or a water....picture that. Imagine having a great time with your friends, no fear or anxiety, being comfortable and feeling strong in the fact that you're sober and you don't need it. (Be sure of your underlying motives for going...that it isn't to drink)

You didn't say how you are related to the wedding party, so this suggestion may be inappropriate . . .

and this may sound naïve:

Why not tell the friend that you are going with and/or the host or hostess that you have a problem with alcohol?
Perhaps even tell them that you are alcoholic?
I know; it may be too soon -- too bold.
It may seem risky or embarrassing.

And yet, this is my recent experience:

The last wedding I was invited to was my wife's sister's daughter's (my niece's wedding).
My sister-in-law knows I am a sober alcoholic, so my place at the reception had no wine or champagne glasses.
There was an expectation on the part of others that I could not, should not and would not drink.
That, combined with my firm resolve and solid faith, made not drinking a non-issue.

Maybe it's too soon in your sobriety.
Perhaps your drinking problem is still largely unknown to others.
But, honesty, openness and willingness have helped me to keep away from a drink for many a day now.

Staying away from a drink can be hard on your own.
Goodness knows, I needed a lot of help.

Remember:

A problem shared is a problem halved.
~ English proverb
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