thomas11

Recently I have intentionally (and unintentionally) engaged in some things that I associate with my drinking habits. I had not given it much thought while I was doing it. Today I have had some time to reflect on it and it gave me a mild panic attack.

The only way I can interpret this is that I am one slip away from returning to old, bad behaviors very easily. Everyone is so correct in saying that addiction very patient. It has literally put some fear into me that if I was to get careless, things would go bad....and fast.

I can definitely see where people can pick up right where they left off, if not worse.

joandmelandhan

Yes it's a scary thought that just 1 drink could have us all back in the pit of active addiction. I'm in very early sobriety (9 days) and am battling the AV daily. It's that very fear that keeps me going one day at a time. So perhaps the fear is not such a bad thing........take care x

jryan19982

Why did you knowingly engage in these acts?

I would imagine that if someone was really taking their sobriety seriously, then they wouldnt knowingly engage in these acts.

If you know why you engaged in these acts, it might reflect what else can be added to your plan...

Soberwolf

Good realisation & reflection now put it in to practice brother

FreeOwl

This is why I think we're better off just setting our beast free and letting go of it, rather than trying to put it in a cage.

SoberLeigh

As alcoholics in recovery, I believe that we constantly need to be cognizant of our triggers - the people, places, events, situations, behaviors, moods, perspectives, etc. that are potentially dangerous or harmful to us - and have a solid plan in place to counter all of them (avoidance, behavior modification, meditation, yoga, etc.).

I echo jryan's question as to why you would intentionally put yourself in a triggering situation.

Good that you are thinking about the experience and have realized how slippery the slope can easily become.

And as FreeOwl mentioned, don't put the beast in a cage - banish it and exile it.

thomas11

Because there are certain people, places and things I cannot and will not avoid for the rest of my life because of MY problem.

SoberLeigh

I completely understand, Jeff. There were for me, nonetheless, some people and places, in the early times (first couple of years), with whom I could not associate or where I simply could not go. I needed to build my sober muscles to the point where those people and places were no longer triggering. I had to reach that point in my sobriety where, come hell or high water, I wouldn't give up my sobriety no matter what.

The trick was knowing without a doubt when that time had come.

entropy1964

Hey Jeff
You are completely off the opiates right? And that hasn't been long. It would make sense that your brain craves something. So you're kind of back to the basics here. 1 day at a time, healthy thinking and behavior. Maybe upping your game a bit with some additional tools?

IronPhoenix

That is why we can't get complacent and need to know it is a day at a time fight no matter how long we have been sober. The AV will lay in wait for the right opportunity if we allow it.

Glad you reflected on that.

MIRecovery

The longer I am sober the closer I am to a drink. Real life example from today. On my way home from work there is this really classy liquor store. Lately I have been obsessing over what it looks like on the inside. I am fricking almost 7 years sober and I decided today that I need to take a different way home. Cunning, baffling and powerful says it all

AdelineRose

Although I do not believe that I have the right to expect people not to drink around me, I have chosen the type of people whom love me enough and respect my sobriety enough that they do not drink or use drugs when I am around which helps lower the risk of certain places, people, and things.

I know we can't avoid all our triggers, hell the entire world is a big ole trigger basically, but we can choose to change our outlook on life and choose to surround ourselves with people who are supportive of us which do not make us have to decide between being around them and being around alcohol or drugs, or having to stay away all together. It might seem like a lot to ask of others, but yet again, that shows us who is truly behind us and who is not. I choose to only surround myself that are truly 100% behind me.

Some people believe that they have to take it one day at a time, some people believe their AV is in a cage, I like to believe that I am just a person that does not use drugs or alcohol and that it doesn't go farther then that. Sure I go to my doctors, counselor, psychiatrist, do daily reflections, volunteer, am active in my church, and always make sure to have a strong support system of family and sober friends- but shouldn't any mentally healthy person do those things?

Fly N Buy

It's progressive = we don't pick up where we left off , it's worse. A friend told me that if I had any inclination to drink, don't quit as it would kill me.

Those thoughts you're having may save your life. Just don't act on them

AnvilheadII

Because there are certain people, places and things I cannot and will not avoid for the rest of my life because of MY problem.


hmm, that's AV talk in my book. my boss has a nut allergy and will go into anaphylactic shock if she comes in ANY type of contact with a peanut, almond, cashew, anything. we recently had a fun Thai Food lunch party and she ordered her own SEPARATE meal and did not share or try ANY of the other dishes. she also sat at the end of the table so as not to be in the midst of the other foods passing back and forth in front of her. if she THINKS there might be a problem with food presented, she will not eat it....not even one bite.

she also does not go on tours of peanut factories. she's careful at a baseball game. she does not put herself in harm's way EVER. she will not follow the crowd just cuz. she has a position of prominence, travels often and keeps her health and safety paramount.

there is no earthly reason to put yourself in harm's way due to your medical condition. that is defiance and belligerence talking. like trying to carry a 50# pack with a broken back.

thomas11

Interesting you mention that. There is a new liquor store nearby and its the same deal, real fancy place. It IS alluring, but the crap in the bottle is the same stuff as what I bought at the mom and pop shop in town, right? Like it somehow makes it better or more acceptable if you buy it in a classy place. Funny thing is, it probably works.

Venecia

Jeff, I hope that by now the hard part has passed. And you know what? It always does.

We can take steps to help minimize our exposure to stressors, though we won't always be able to control people or circumstances.

We can, and must, learn to control how we respond to them.

MIRecovery

If I buy my rock gut vodka in a fancy place I am a high class drunk. It never ceases to amaze me how screwed up my thinking can be