Jane8

Well I'm back again. and completely broken and on my knees. I finally get that I cannot drink. Again. Ever.
I have relapsed several times since I was last on the site. But it's gotten so much worse and so fast. It's terrifying. I was back to my old habit of drinking 3/4 of a bottle of wine two nights a week. Then back to a bottle 3 nights a week.
The really scary part is that my Dr gave me a benzo and an anti depressant to help me quit. I thought if I didn't take the benzo on the day I drank I would be ok. Stupid, stupid, stupid! It was still in my system of course and resulted in 2 complete black outs - one resulting in a very bad fall a week ago which I'm still covered in bruises from. ,y husband and adult daughter had to undress me and put me to bed. I actually got up and worked the next day.
The worst part- it was my daughters first night home from opiate detox. I'm sick and ashamed. She's doing great. I'm killing myself right in front of her.
I'm on day 2. I'm going to check out the rehab close to me to see if I qualify for inpatient or outpatient treatment. And I plan on going to AA. Hopefully tonight.
Please send me good thoughts.....I'm so done with this.

Easy2slip

Welcome back!
You can do this...
I hope you get the help needed.
Do it for you .. do it for your daughter.

Behappy1

Tons of useful reading info here! Welcome back - let's do this! I'm right there with you as are many here. Day 5 of many day 5's for me. This HAS to be the last one though!

thomas11

Hi Jane, very glad you came back. I think you have the right idea: do not drink again. Ever. Maybe post and read on this site daily, it has helped so many. Wish you the best.

entropy1964

Glad you're back.

It is so important for your daughter to see you succeed in recovery. I'm glad you see that.

Your intake isn't too high so I hope you aren't too uncomfortable. I could drink 3 bottles of wine before lunch so believe me, it can always get worse

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Jane, glad to hear you are checking into rehab options nearby. Please get whatever help you can, it is true that things can get very bad very quickly when we return to drinking, glad you were able to make this decision before something really bad happened.

Jane8

Thanks- my daughter has been through hell but that's her story. But I can say she is rocking her recovery. I'm inspired by her. I want her to be proud of me- she used to be.

I'm actually pretty out of it and shaky today but I'll get through it. Even though my intake wasn't high I don't seem to have much tolerance anymore. I know it can always be worse. I just can't do this anymore. Even if my physical addiction is in the early stages my mental state is pure alchy. I obsess about it constantly.
I've been reading your thread and you're doing great!?

Jane8

Thank you. I really think I need a week of inpatient at least. I have so much going on mental health wise and I also have a disability. It just seems so overwhelming to try to do it alone, at home. I've tried counseling and obviously medical help. But I feel a strong need to completely immerse myself in my recovery, away from home right now. Although my Dr. doesn't think I'll qualify for inpatient. There is the outpatient program but the evening session starts before I close my business every night. I can always go to AA meetings I know. But I think I need more right now.
I do have some time off in July so maybe if I can stay sober until then....I can get in a rehab program.

Anna

Jane, I am really sorry that you're going through this. It's good that you are hopeful and planning for your recovery now. Whatever steps you take to recover, I'm sure you will feel so much better as you begin to move forward.

Soberwolf

Hi Hello welcome

STGHealthyWoman

Hi Jane8,
You can do this. I fell one time while so drunk I couldn't walk and cracked two ribs. My husband had to put me in bed and I missed two days of work; however, I was in pain for two months at least. Thing, is, I drank the day after I fell. It's a disease.

SR is a great place to be. We can all support each other.

GAHaley

Welcome back Jane! I can completely relate to your story in a lot of ways. I have blacked out many times and unfortunately called into work on a couple of occasions due to bruises on my face and once I actually ate the concrete. The doctor also put me on benzos and I quickly realized that that was a slippery slope that I did not want to go down. I realize they are helpful in a controlled environment, but I knew it was not safe for me to have them unsupervised so I told the doc I did not want them. I am currently on a non-addictive anxiety med and it seems to be working. I entered a 45 day inpatient treatment facility in February, because I too knew that I had tried for years to do it at home on my own and had finally realized I couldn't. Unfortunately, I have relapsed a couple of time since I got out, but I have learned lessons and gotten stronger each time.

You have a lot of support here! I have lurked on this site for years, but this is the first time I have posted and made it a part of my plan and it has been extremely helpful. You can do it