Long term drinkers? Still there?
 

I hope this doesn't come across wrong. I'm in my 40's. Been drinking 20 plus years, daily (with the exception of the sobriety attempts lasting short periods here and there). On day 3 but struggling as always.

I'm struggling to relate to a lot of the stories on here as of late, coming from 20 somethings trying to get sober. I don't want to diminish anyone's experience and I WISH I had been smart enough to look for help a couple decades ago, but I didn't. I feel like I see the same thing in the rooms, and it just doesn't resonate with me.

Am I being ridiculous? I read over and over ' I've been drinking heavily for 3 years, 5 years, 2 years, etc'. How can that person possibly relate to me? I've been drinking heavily for 20 plus years, how do I adapt?

Sorry if this is rude, please let me know if you have any feedback, from young, middle and older age alike.

Still moving forward, better than going nowhere, just looking for my place.

Pushing 50, Forward , and just pulling out of a long tailspin.
My kids grew up while I drank and opportunities were missed.
It's never too late and I find that most all ages are represented on this site.
I've made a few friends privately here and we relate in some of the age related ways.
I'm really hopeful for the youngsters though! How different life might have been?
Best
Jonathan

Thank you for responding Zufrieden, I was worried about posting this concern. I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I had turned it around decades ago, Oh the heartache and medical bills and jobs I could've saved.

I see the people my age in the majority of groups, but they seem to have years of sobriety, not many quitting at age, or at least that's my perception, maybe it's my AV telling me to give it up, I have no chance, I don't know, just not relating to many posts or meeting discussions. I need more time and a broader perspective I suppose.

the world of recovery changed a long time ago, most people hear about recovery at a younger age. I just got home from a SMART recovery meeting and most of us were in our 40's to late 50's and most of us have little time. Let go of your perception of the people in your meetings and take it one day at a time, have a plan of action and take care of yourself.

Hey MF, I can totally related as I am turning 49 in a month. I don't think those in their 20's have the same regrets. I've been drinking 15 years alcoholically set off from a divorce at age 34. I've lost a lot and my AV uses that to say what's the point now? The only advice I can give you is to think about that at our age death is much more a concern and health problems. I'm back on day 1. I keep asking myself how many drunk incidents do I have left before I can't even get out of bed?

Sweetichick, I can relate to that, though I started much earlier, that idea of what I am doing it for now is so real. I can't do another day 1, or at least that's what I say now. I need to change that mindset to I won't do another day one.

I'm in my 50s and have 15 years of hard drinking behind me. I'm a grizzled old veteran at drinking but brand new at SR. I feel perfectly at home here. Sure, there are some younger people here, but plenty of people who are not that young anymore too.

Im in my 50s been drinking heavily for neigh on 2 decades. I feel the same as you MF1, I wish I had stopped years ago. Feel like it's almost too late as kids are grown now, living on my own. I too cannot relate to people with a drink problem of only a few years, in their 20s. But I am telling myself, this is about ME stopping, not anyone else, for although I feel Ive wasted my best years and only have old age to "look forward" to, I really cannot bear to live like I have been anymore

quit when i was 44. life in shambles.

been clean and sober since. Life is good.

feel better?

51 now and will be 5 years sober in 6 months :)

Drank from age 13 , wasted life . Life has totally changed , I have totally changed .

Suffer the early days months you gotta go through these to get to a good place ,don't be like me that went through it over and over before it finally clicked .

The clarity and simplicity of living sober is a gift , I love it more than anything .

If I can get there ,anyone can.

I try to look for the similarities, not the differences, when it comes to the people in my recovery today. No matter what our drinking history is, we've all reached a point in our lives where our drinking needs to stop. And everyone here has something they can teach me and help they can give me in my own recovery.

Not trying to belittle your concerns here, as I think they're ones that are shared by many here and in other recovery groups. Just saying that's how I try to live myself now. Wishing you the best today...

Hi MF,

Good for you in wanting to quit but don't let your AV convince you that you're different to everyone else.

You're not being rediculous for thinking that nothing and no one relates to your story. You are being rediculous if you believe those thoughts and those thoughts prevent you from getting sober.

I started drinking when I was 13 and I'm 52 now. I did try and get sober a couple of years ago by going to AA but all that I took from the rooms was "I'm different to those people, that's not me" Does that sound familiar?

I got sober when I stopped looking around for answers or excuses or reasons as to why I drank. I got sober (just seven months but full of hope) when I realised the only problem I faced was me.

I wrestled back control of my life when I started to take responsibility for myself and stopped making excuses.

Like you I wish I'd had the insight years ago, the good news is, it's never too late to start living.

I don't think it's making excuses. Or anyone thinking they are unique. You either RELATE to peoples plight, or you don't.
Same as, if someone in their 20s was having trouble in romance say, I might be able to understand what they are going through..but being in my 50s and having a lot more experience and having different challenges in life in my 50s, I would say I wouldn't be able to RELATE to them, in what they are feeling in the here and now. Maybe REMEMBER but not relate.
So I understand what MF1 means

I think they are amazing, great insight...I wish it hadn't taken me 20 years to seek help..
We are all in this together.

I believe it is important to find others to whom you can relate.

That common ground.

It's why I need a fellow practicing vegan, carnivore identified, slightly introverted, "INFP Type" feminist, left leaning, nocturnal,cross-addicted, agnostic, cisgendered, bibliophile- "of a certain age"- in recovery.

KIDDING.

I actually agree though with the original point, it is a good thing to have others alike in age and recovery, I think. I'd say especially early on. It helps one not to feel alone and rather more like being understood.

Thanks for the replies, I'm just sorting through these feelings so I appreciate the support.

Ivan Mike, No that doesn't make me 'feel better'. Do you feel better and supportive having posted it? I was looking for ways to relate not compare.

I am in my early 50's also, drank for 30+ years, lost six figure careers, a company I grew from scratch to 26 staff and the list goes on, hurt family, friends etc. Tried to quit for 19 of those years, half heart attempts but I finally got it, scarry starting life over again at this age but I work hard at focusing on today and the future, closed the books on the past as I can't change that. When I got serious about this addiction, that is when with a lot of help I was able to put it under arrest,

Andrew

60 here and not looking back anymore. Sober and present for myself and my loved ones is the only path for me. Thank you everyone for your shares!

Started at 14 quit at 53 so I could say the same thing about you but I never would because we have far more in common than we have differences. To me it sounds like terminal uniqueness which is a term you may wish to look up

Long term, here - in my early fifties. Drank a little in college but didn't like it much. Over the years it's gotten heavier and heavier. Strangely when I've quit before I didn't have physical symptoms but the challenge is changing behaviors that are so ingrained. On day 2 here and putting lots of thought and planning into how to make it this time! Hope you do so as well!