When you knew you needed help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 94
When you knew you needed help
This has probably been asked a lot, but I was just curious about your stories. At what point did you realize your life was out of control and needed help?
I was one of those "good" ones who didn't touch a drop of alcohol until I turned 21--I was terrified of getting arrested and thrown in jail. I have a phobia of prison, so I try to obey the law, with the exception of going a little faster than the posted speed limit. Anyway, once I tried my first drink, I loved the way it made me feel. But I didn't start drinking regularly until after I got married at 22 and went out with dh's friends who drank. Then it became a social thing, and soon I began looking for excuses to get drunk. Finally, within the last year, I began drinking every night, sometimes heavily--having a six-pack, even though I was only 110 pounds and 5'1". I got plowed on the weekends, and sufficiently drunk on the weekdays, but not so much that I couldn't go to work. My husband finally pointed out that I had a problem and asked me to quit drinking so much. I tried to control it, and couldn't, of course. I still HAD to drink at least twice a week. Finally, I went to AA in February. I stayed sober a month, and then after work got extremely toxic for me, I drank heavily again for 7 more months, until my dh threatened to leave if I didn't go back to AA. I didn't want him to leave and knew I needed help, so here I am.
Thanks for listening!
Day 3
I was one of those "good" ones who didn't touch a drop of alcohol until I turned 21--I was terrified of getting arrested and thrown in jail. I have a phobia of prison, so I try to obey the law, with the exception of going a little faster than the posted speed limit. Anyway, once I tried my first drink, I loved the way it made me feel. But I didn't start drinking regularly until after I got married at 22 and went out with dh's friends who drank. Then it became a social thing, and soon I began looking for excuses to get drunk. Finally, within the last year, I began drinking every night, sometimes heavily--having a six-pack, even though I was only 110 pounds and 5'1". I got plowed on the weekends, and sufficiently drunk on the weekdays, but not so much that I couldn't go to work. My husband finally pointed out that I had a problem and asked me to quit drinking so much. I tried to control it, and couldn't, of course. I still HAD to drink at least twice a week. Finally, I went to AA in February. I stayed sober a month, and then after work got extremely toxic for me, I drank heavily again for 7 more months, until my dh threatened to leave if I didn't go back to AA. I didn't want him to leave and knew I needed help, so here I am.
Thanks for listening!
Day 3
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
I knew I needed help long before I actually asked for it. I have had DWI's, missed work, broken bones--none of these was enough. Finally, I lost my job, and I knew I didn't have any more excuses left to justify not getting help. So I went into treatment. Seven months later, here I am, clean and sober and feeling much better. I don't have to lie anymore. It's a wonderful thing.
Hugs--
Hugs--
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
HEY LIL 
I STARTED AT THE AGE OF 13 DRINKING AND DRUGS.
I USED AND DRANK LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMMOROW,THAT WENT ON FOR 30 YEARS.
I KNEW IT WAS A PROBLEM FOR A LONG TIME,ALWAYS CONSEQUENCES.
IT WAS MY ESCAPE FROM REALITY.
ABOUT THE LAST YEAR OR SO I KNEW I COULDN'T SURVIVE LIKE THIS MUCH LONGER.
I'VE BEEN DOING ALOT BETTER THAN I WAS .
I HAVE FELL DOWN A FEW TIMES,BUT I GET RIGHT BACK AT IT.
I HAVE TO.
GLAD YOUR HERE........ted :rambo:
A.A. FOR ME ALSO :tri
I STARTED AT THE AGE OF 13 DRINKING AND DRUGS.
I USED AND DRANK LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMMOROW,THAT WENT ON FOR 30 YEARS.
I KNEW IT WAS A PROBLEM FOR A LONG TIME,ALWAYS CONSEQUENCES.
IT WAS MY ESCAPE FROM REALITY.
ABOUT THE LAST YEAR OR SO I KNEW I COULDN'T SURVIVE LIKE THIS MUCH LONGER.
I'VE BEEN DOING ALOT BETTER THAN I WAS .
I HAVE FELL DOWN A FEW TIMES,BUT I GET RIGHT BACK AT IT.
I HAVE TO.
GLAD YOUR HERE........ted :rambo:
A.A. FOR ME ALSO :tri
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Well I have been drinking heavily for about 10 years, I am 29 now. For the past 4 years I started to see me life slowly get out of control. Towards the end, drinking was not fun anymore like it used to be. It was just necessary to get through a day and feel normal. I wasn't ready for help until I was involved in a car crash that happend while I was drunk (of course). At that point I was ready for help. I finally realized that my life cannot continue on as it was. I had to seek out change. I regret that it took injuring myself and others to get me to change. But I believe that it was all Gods plan. I would have been to stubborn, close minded and undisipline to sober up if times were good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 131
I started pretty much the same as you.......and realized I needed help when drinking just wasn't fun anymore. I drank to get drunk, the consequenses were always disasterous, I was incredibly depressed, and I got sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.
Step in the name of LOVE
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 43
I knew I needed help when my boyfriend caught me getting really wasted behind his back. I knew my life had become a lie. I was secretly killing myself.
It's been almost 30 days for me and I have come a long way since that morning. I am taking it one day at a time. Taking extra special care of my battered body and soul right now. I love it. Every day I wake up feeling just a little bit better. Relieved, like the pressure is letting up. I am waking up. I'm not hung over or blacked out. I'm safe. I like this feeling and I think that everyday I'll work on it. I'll bet if you can show yourself, your husband will see it too. Love yourself first.
It's been almost 30 days for me and I have come a long way since that morning. I am taking it one day at a time. Taking extra special care of my battered body and soul right now. I love it. Every day I wake up feeling just a little bit better. Relieved, like the pressure is letting up. I am waking up. I'm not hung over or blacked out. I'm safe. I like this feeling and I think that everyday I'll work on it. I'll bet if you can show yourself, your husband will see it too. Love yourself first.
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Posts: n/a
I started drinking at doing drugs when I was 14.I really think I had a problem from the beginning.All my friends like to smoke weed and drink beer,but I liked it more.So much I would skip school cause I would rather get high.I also didnt care if I had someone around to drink or not.I just wanted to get drunk.Drigs have destroyed my life.I have lost everything.Drugs were my escape.Today I do not know how to deal with emotions.I dont know how to feel things.When I am hurting I want to get high and escape.I have hit bottom many times over and over.Pushed shopping carts down the street,slept under bridges,and visit various jails accross the country.It still wasnt enough.Then I got to A point were I felt i couldnt live with drugs but i couldnt live with out them either.I thought suicide was my only option.I was wrong.Today I am grateful for this place and all you who come here.And I am also very grateful for NA and AA.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
I woke one morning or was it a late morning early afternoon?
3rd job lost in as many years. Confronted with some things from my past as well as the things of the day and a fear that what could be and what has been, could and should of had me in jail for a long time. The fear of doing things when not under control because of the alcohol. The not liking myself for the actions of my past and the realization that the alcohol had a major part in all of it.
It was time to say NO MORE.
I never looked for the help, the help seemed to always be there when my eyes were open enough that I was able to see it.
Looking back, I see I have been blessed beyond measure by God. So much so that I am in awe. 100 MPH rides with a six pack between my knees in a old beat up truck. Playing hide and seek with others in cars at high speeds through the center of the city. The many criminal activities that went unchecked.
I see no reason why I should have made it through but for the Grace of God.
The intervention of help being there as I was ready to accept and see it. Perfect timing that could have been off by one day and things would be different here.
I see this site as being just that as well. An extension in my learning and the fact I see other people show up here and find answers daily.
Guided here by a HP or by chance?
That is a answer we each need find for ourself.
3rd job lost in as many years. Confronted with some things from my past as well as the things of the day and a fear that what could be and what has been, could and should of had me in jail for a long time. The fear of doing things when not under control because of the alcohol. The not liking myself for the actions of my past and the realization that the alcohol had a major part in all of it.
It was time to say NO MORE.
I never looked for the help, the help seemed to always be there when my eyes were open enough that I was able to see it.
Looking back, I see I have been blessed beyond measure by God. So much so that I am in awe. 100 MPH rides with a six pack between my knees in a old beat up truck. Playing hide and seek with others in cars at high speeds through the center of the city. The many criminal activities that went unchecked.
I see no reason why I should have made it through but for the Grace of God.
The intervention of help being there as I was ready to accept and see it. Perfect timing that could have been off by one day and things would be different here.
I see this site as being just that as well. An extension in my learning and the fact I see other people show up here and find answers daily.
Guided here by a HP or by chance?
That is a answer we each need find for ourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
I was a little different than Lulu - I never thought I needed help with alcohol until I almost lost my family. One night, almost a year ago, I drank way too much and did some real stupid things that I hardly remember. It was this easy - either quit alcohol for good or lose my family.
I went through an assessment and learned that I had a drinking problem. During my outpatient treatment, I became convinced that I was powerless over alcohol and finally admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic and always will be.
I know now that alcohol will not help me solve problems, will not somehow make life better and will harm me from a physical standpoint.
I guess what I am saying is you realize you need help only when you are truly ready to be receptive for help (even if your life is seemingly out of control)!!
Take care,
Dave
I went through an assessment and learned that I had a drinking problem. During my outpatient treatment, I became convinced that I was powerless over alcohol and finally admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic and always will be.
I know now that alcohol will not help me solve problems, will not somehow make life better and will harm me from a physical standpoint.
I guess what I am saying is you realize you need help only when you are truly ready to be receptive for help (even if your life is seemingly out of control)!!
Take care,
Dave
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
Why isn't losing your family enough?
I have read some posts on here & I am fascinated that alot of you say your bottom came when you realized you were going to lose your family. My AH has been having an affair for over a year and continues to drink heavily most of the time. I have left with our child for about a week, I have kicked him out of the house (although he still came home during the day to dabble around). When he is asked to leave he goes straight to the OW's place. He tells me every time that they are just friends, but I know better. He tells me he goes there because he doesn't fell the guilt that he does with me. He doesn't have to worry about disappointing her like he does me. He knows he has problems with depression and alcohol but can't find it within himself to get help. He is afraid of being alone in a treatment center. He says that his driving force is for going to the bar is for the interraction with others, just the conversation etc.
In all of your experiences, have any of you dealt with an issue like this? He can tell me daily how much he loves me & how I deserve so much better than him. He comes home & promises to try harder this time. That this time will be different. I guess what I want to know from all of you, since you have been in similar shoes as he is in now, should I really let him go? I am scared for his health and his depression. I want him to know I would be there to do anything for him to help him. I don't want him to feel as if I am deserting him. But if I choose to cut off contact, then it will be all or nothing from me. Would that do more harm then good?
Any comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
In all of your experiences, have any of you dealt with an issue like this? He can tell me daily how much he loves me & how I deserve so much better than him. He comes home & promises to try harder this time. That this time will be different. I guess what I want to know from all of you, since you have been in similar shoes as he is in now, should I really let him go? I am scared for his health and his depression. I want him to know I would be there to do anything for him to help him. I don't want him to feel as if I am deserting him. But if I choose to cut off contact, then it will be all or nothing from me. Would that do more harm then good?
Any comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Ben's Papa
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Chesapeake,VA
Posts: 970
I think many people go for years knowing they need help.Some go all their lives.I went for at least thirty years myself.I hit the bottom many times but wouldn't change.I don't know why this time has been different but I thank God it has!
Stop this ride I wanna get off
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Richie
I think many people go for years knowing they need help.Some go all their lives.I went for at least thirty years myself.I hit the bottom many times but wouldn't change.I don't know why this time has been different but I thank God it has!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Leem, the difference for me was that my wife meant it - either get help and quit drinking or our marriage was over, period!! I have never had an affair (and never would) so I placed a high value on saving my marriage.
I think most people here would agree that alcoholics can be great manipulators and come up with a million excuses - some of them even sound reasonable!! We can promise everything and may truly believe that THIS time is different. But then we go back to alcohol.
Some people do not realize that alcoholism is a very powerful disease. Most alcoholics cannot quit by just trying harder or doing it by themselves without some form of treatment.
I do not want to give you an specific answer to your question, but will say that what finally got me turned around was my wife saying to get help and meaning it (no excuses, no promises)!!!
I hope I helped!
Dave
I think most people here would agree that alcoholics can be great manipulators and come up with a million excuses - some of them even sound reasonable!! We can promise everything and may truly believe that THIS time is different. But then we go back to alcohol.
Some people do not realize that alcoholism is a very powerful disease. Most alcoholics cannot quit by just trying harder or doing it by themselves without some form of treatment.
I do not want to give you an specific answer to your question, but will say that what finally got me turned around was my wife saying to get help and meaning it (no excuses, no promises)!!!
I hope I helped!
Dave
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Good question, not sure what but remember when. The husband had left, kid's no longer talked to me unless they wanted money. I really guess I honestly say my guardian angel kicked me in the ass one day, sitting in my classroom, hungover as hell, praying for 4oclock to come and thought to myself, wait, I'll call for a sub for the afternoon, and realized I had no more sick day's left. I really paniced knowing I wouldn't have any sick day's left when school started again in the fall. (It was 2 weeks before school got out) Crazy reason, but while hungover, waiting for them to finish their exam, I was looking for that chart that tells you if you have a drinking problem, hoping I could justify a no answer on all of them. My first search pulled up SR, and I haven't had a drink since the day I arrived.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 94
Yes, absolutely. I had said over and over again (to myself and my husband) that "this time will be different" and I meant it. But alcohol is so overpowering that despite our intentions, however sincere they may be, we end up drinking again. Alcohol is so deadly to us that even when faced with losing EVERYTHING, we still drink. That explains why so many drunks end up on "skid row," homeless, without a job, family, or any hope. It's only by a miracle of God that we realize we need help and earnestly SEEK IT.
I'm not sure what I would do if the shoe were on the other foot. If my husband were the drinker, would I leave? For him to be an alcoholic is one thing, but to have an affair is another. Some people would forgive, but I'm not honestly sure I would. Although, keep in mind, we do the things we hate most while drunk. Some people have even killed. But no one can force him to seek treatment. Only he can do that. I guess if you do leave, two things can happen: he will realize how important you are and have a spiritual awakening that will make him seek treatment, or he will continue to drink and lose everything. I will pray for you and your husband. God bless!
I'm not sure what I would do if the shoe were on the other foot. If my husband were the drinker, would I leave? For him to be an alcoholic is one thing, but to have an affair is another. Some people would forgive, but I'm not honestly sure I would. Although, keep in mind, we do the things we hate most while drunk. Some people have even killed. But no one can force him to seek treatment. Only he can do that. I guess if you do leave, two things can happen: he will realize how important you are and have a spiritual awakening that will make him seek treatment, or he will continue to drink and lose everything. I will pray for you and your husband. God bless!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: laughing at my avatar
Posts: 1,636
lets see, i knew i had a problem when i had a problem when there was no more dope left ... i did a lot of harm to my family and friends. i dont blame the dope, and cannot say that the only way to freedom for me was a spiritual awakening. i am afraid of doing my thing. granted the day i decided i needed to just go home i had to use more just to have the strength to drive home.
i do some of the same things i hated about myself now as when i was a junkie. i know that with some things, i am not ready to change. however, i have made a lot of progress with things. i have stopped seeking freedom from my addiction. perhaps that will come in time? what i consider freedom, is just living life clean and having a string of days where i dont think of a sack anymore. i drive myself nuts looking for peace, when its right in front of me all along.
i am very open with my family and friends about my drug use. and it is very obvious that they worry about me a lot. by me not worrying about what they are worrying about ... and by me just staying clean and building an independent life for me ... people like to be around me. i dont seek to prove to my family and friends that i am changed, because i know that possibly forever they will worry. and hey, i feel the SAME way about some of my addict friends. like, i hope they dont f up this time! even with some time under my belt, i made the bed i sleep in.
my mom has kicked me out a lot of times due to my bad behavior and drug use. and i cant blame her. i did not feel i had a problem, i thought she had the problem. "i cant help what i do when im stacked". and since ive been clean and doing well for myself now, she should buck up and treat me how i want her to treat me. yeah right. there may come a time that i begin acting with that bad behavior again and i will be kicked out. drugs or no drugs, its always on me. that is how i know i have a problem, when there's no one else to blame but me. blame is a lot of hot air.
i still have a problem! clean or **** dirty. i realized my life was out of control when i looked around and saw that i had allowed myself to be around people that thought they had the right to hurt someone over an 8ball. it was fun until i felt the control slip out of my hands and into someone elses. especially since id do anything for a sack. i tried to get help way before i decided to quit, because i did not believe that not using would make things any better.
when i seriously needed help, i went home to my (gracious) mom. i knew i was done. i crashed on her couch for three days, and 20 months later here i am. telling people to get their acts together LOL, who'd have thought. a lot of my aquaintances have not gotten it together. they dont want help, they dont care about their kids and parents, they dont care about anyone but themselves. and im not so sure they really give a crap about themselves.
people look at me and say "shes still a f-up", "she's doing so great", "she has changed so much", "she hasnt changed a bit" ... it really doesnt matter what anyone says about me. good or bad its all hot air. i get a lot out of seeing how people react to the new me, and i know that three out of four of those thoughts must go through their heads. my change is mine. and my problems are mine. where i am in 10 years is determined by my behaviors and choices. and all this time i thought i didnt have any control, lol.
sorry for rambling!
i do some of the same things i hated about myself now as when i was a junkie. i know that with some things, i am not ready to change. however, i have made a lot of progress with things. i have stopped seeking freedom from my addiction. perhaps that will come in time? what i consider freedom, is just living life clean and having a string of days where i dont think of a sack anymore. i drive myself nuts looking for peace, when its right in front of me all along.
i am very open with my family and friends about my drug use. and it is very obvious that they worry about me a lot. by me not worrying about what they are worrying about ... and by me just staying clean and building an independent life for me ... people like to be around me. i dont seek to prove to my family and friends that i am changed, because i know that possibly forever they will worry. and hey, i feel the SAME way about some of my addict friends. like, i hope they dont f up this time! even with some time under my belt, i made the bed i sleep in.
my mom has kicked me out a lot of times due to my bad behavior and drug use. and i cant blame her. i did not feel i had a problem, i thought she had the problem. "i cant help what i do when im stacked". and since ive been clean and doing well for myself now, she should buck up and treat me how i want her to treat me. yeah right. there may come a time that i begin acting with that bad behavior again and i will be kicked out. drugs or no drugs, its always on me. that is how i know i have a problem, when there's no one else to blame but me. blame is a lot of hot air.
i still have a problem! clean or **** dirty. i realized my life was out of control when i looked around and saw that i had allowed myself to be around people that thought they had the right to hurt someone over an 8ball. it was fun until i felt the control slip out of my hands and into someone elses. especially since id do anything for a sack. i tried to get help way before i decided to quit, because i did not believe that not using would make things any better.
when i seriously needed help, i went home to my (gracious) mom. i knew i was done. i crashed on her couch for three days, and 20 months later here i am. telling people to get their acts together LOL, who'd have thought. a lot of my aquaintances have not gotten it together. they dont want help, they dont care about their kids and parents, they dont care about anyone but themselves. and im not so sure they really give a crap about themselves.
people look at me and say "shes still a f-up", "she's doing so great", "she has changed so much", "she hasnt changed a bit" ... it really doesnt matter what anyone says about me. good or bad its all hot air. i get a lot out of seeing how people react to the new me, and i know that three out of four of those thoughts must go through their heads. my change is mine. and my problems are mine. where i am in 10 years is determined by my behaviors and choices. and all this time i thought i didnt have any control, lol.
sorry for rambling!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Kansas City,Mo
Posts: 478
It was like a loud voice in my head that screamed at me.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET IN HANDCUFFS,AND LEGG SHACKLES WITH A HOOD OVER YOUR FACE...WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?"
Enough said....it was time,and I knew it!!
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET IN HANDCUFFS,AND LEGG SHACKLES WITH A HOOD OVER YOUR FACE...WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?"
Enough said....it was time,and I knew it!!
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I knew I had a problem for a long time, but was afraid. I didn't know how to ask for help and didn't want to be attached to the stigma of alcoholism. I had lost several jobs, my dignity, confidence, trust, responsibility and sanity. I got to the point of not wanting to drink, but had to physically. When I thought I couldn't take it any more physically or emotionally, I drank even more. I'll never understand how I continued to do that and allowed myself to lose what I did. It's a miracle I'm alive today. I've learned to accept the fact, I am an alcoholic and nothing will change that. I can only change my behavior and way of life. Thank God for second chances.
LeAnne
LeAnne
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