sweetichick

Its hard to write about what I am experiencing right now. I went out and bought a bottle of sherry after 12 days. I was panicking all day and shaky up till this point. I was meant to go to AA tonight but couldn't last 3 more hours. I guess its because the constant fighting with my boyfriend has got to me. He yelled at me yesterday that I should be able to take a few drinks with a meal every day. I said 'I can't do that'. He said its not a question of 'can't' but won't. He's on my case about smoking as well and we are arguing about money. I thought he was the man of my dreams but he is a total nitemare when not looked through the bottom of a bottle. I have no friends so he is my only daily contact. Today he said he was coming to finish a home maintenance job which I paid him a couple of hundred for and then never turned up. I predicted he wouldn't and was actually glad but I just don't trust what he says. He hates me going to AA saying how can a pile of drunks help each other. I feel I need to end it to stay sober but lack support. My liver is still in a bad state and I have no energy still. So scared and confused. Thanks for listening.

Bubovski

Sorry to hear you are going through some bad stuff.
Still you did manage to get up 12 days.
AA certainly helps some, with many 20 or more years up sober.
In the big picture alcohol really makes life that much worse.
Hope you get back on track and find some peace.

sweetichick

Thanks Bubovski, At least we are in the same country. I hope I find peace as well.

Trees39

Keep wanting more for you.

Caramel

Best wishes, sweetichick we're here for you. Hope there are brighter days ahead for you.

Hobbers

Sherry? Really?

Blech.

nmd

That about sums it up. If you are going to continue with this guy, you need to establish firm boundaries. Personally, if he can't accept you not drinking, that would be a deal breaker for me.

I'm sorry you are having such are hard time, but the sherry won't help.

VirginiaWoof

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. xx

I don't mean this to sound harsh but are you sure the relationship with this chap is healthy? He thinks you should be able to drink, doesn't 'want' to understand that you can't, won't support your efforts to get healthy and is unreliable to boot.

I totally understand he is your only daily contact so may feel like your only link to the 'outside world' - I have a dog and a teenage son but besides them I have nobody so besides walking the pooch I have no company during the day (and with my son being nearly 18 not a lot of company of an evening) - but maybe finding some way to meet others (even if at AA meetings) will make you feel more 'real'.

Do you have the contact numbers of anybody at AA or if not can you get some? Possibly having somebody you can contact when in a time of weakness may help you?

Is it possible that your boyfriend's comments about you should be able to do this and should be able to do that hasn't fuelled a feeling that you need to make yourself feel bad/useless hence buying the bottle of drink?

I really am no expert in anything at all so just a few musings on what appeared to pop out to me.

Either way, good luck with everything and cyber-hugs x

Notimetoloose

Hope you don't work your way through that bottle of sherry!, nothing or no one is worth throwing your sobriety away for.

Conflict can be a huge trigger for me also. Perhaps, it is time to think only about what and who is good for you and your future.

Stay with us and start again, post pre-drinking...we might be able to help with some support and talk through how you are feeling....

Just an after thought, your BF, he kind of sounds really threatened by you making positive decisions for yourself.

SoberLife90

Screw that guy. He sounds like bad news. Find someone who will be supportive of YOU and your recovery. Glad your here.

SoberLife90

Hello everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. Everything is great over here. I was just thinking of something and thought of you all. I was at my nursing orientation a few weeks back and one of the nursing ladies said that I should probably check and see if I would have a problem getting licensed with my background. I have 2 owi's. One from 2009 and one from 2010. I haven't started the nursing program yet, but will be starting in the fall. I won't have to try to get a license until sometime in 2018.

I was just curious if anybody has any experience with this. I called the the Michigan Department of Licensing and they told me it goes by a case to case basis so she wouldn't be able to tell me for sure, but said 2 owi's is not necessarily an automatic "no". They just want to know that I'm making positive life changes and that I'm fit to serve the public.

I have been sober almost 3 years. By the grace of god when it's time to get licensed I will be almost 5 years sober. I just didn't want to waste any time or money pursuing something that would be a problem in the future. I would really like to work as a nurse and I have made so many positive changes in my life.

Would love to hear if anybody has experience with this.

Bunny211

To save your life you need to walk away from this relationship and focus on getting and staying sober. Sorry, I won't sugarcoat it. You need to do it.

entropy1964

Hey Sweet

I'm sorry you made the choice to drink. You can make the choice to stop too.

Sooo, relationships. I learned, in spades, in my last relationship that I allowed him to treat me, and make me feel, the way he did. I have no friends or family where I live. I made him my life. He made me miserable and I tolerated it. I allowed my boundaries to be broken down and my values and beliefs to be chipped away at. He didn't have a gun to my head, I had choices. I chose what was happening.

I tell my daughter this same thing. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself and mistreats you, you get rid of them. If you don't choose that, you are choosing to be mistreated.

You aren't married, doesn't sound like there are children. Be strong and do what is right, not only for your recovery, but for YOU.

entropy1964

Soberlife you might want to start your own thread with this topic since it doesn't relate to the OP's issue? You might get more responses that way

2ndhandrose

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Agree!

Bruno1979

Bin him Sweet chic and move on,

You deserve better than that,

Bruno

Outonthetiles

Dump the boyfriend.
Dump the sherry.

FreeOwl

Sorry to hear you're in this spot. Been there.

Here's something to remember - your boyfriend doesn't sound at all understanding or supportive about what you need. It's not your boyfriend's business. You need to get YOU taken care of.... you need to tend to YOUR OWN well-being. It's not up to him. It's not his life. It's not his body. It's not his emotions or his happiness.

If any guy can't wrap his head around these simple ideas - he's not the guy for you. Or anyone, honestly. That's just plain and simple lack of empathy and caring.

Take care of you.

MIRecovery

Anyone who does not support your sobriety is supporting your death. Alcoholism wants us dead. Plain and simple. Personally I would not want someone in my life that actively is trying to get me to commit suicide