Hamster wheel
 

I look terrible, smell terrible, house is a wreck, have no idea where bills or even my bank account stands, I'm dehydrated, probably bordering malnutrition, this has got to stop.

I think what's the worst part of it is I'm so used to it. I have to get past my fears and figure out a way into rehab and really embrace a program. At the moment I have no idea how to do that. I need to get through this round of detoxing, get a few things in order, talk to work.

I'm a little more than 12 hours in, managed a little food, drinking water and Gatorade.

I relate very much. When my head started to, sort of, clear after my last bender I thought I had cut my hair....I have long hair. Turns out it was just matted with knots. Nice. Not sure how that happened...just glad I didn't hack it all off in some drunken craze.

If you need help with detox you can google facilities that can help you, or go to the ER. No way around this, just through it. Hang in there.

Know you have us

It's definitely a miserable place to be, but you can get through it. Be cautious with your detox because it can be dangerous. I hope you can come up with a plan for stopping and recovering that will work for you.

GoingNowhere, please don't hesitate to see your doctor or go to the ER if detox becomes too much for you.

You can do this. :hug:

Welcome back going nowhere. A call to your local AA hotline could be a big help today. They will know of not only AA resources in your area but also detox, rehab and any other services you might be able to take advantage of.

Be careful--glad you are here.
How about a shower and a can of soup or some crackers?

Something simple can start the whole process going, the nudge you need to get you past your fear. Something symbolic even, like changing your log in name. GoingNowhere...A name that matches your struggle maybe, but not conducive to long-term recovery.

Time to go somewhere, time for sobriety.

Do you have someone that can come and stay with you for awhile?

Drawing a line under alcohol can be tough in the beginning, we're reinventing our whole lifestyle.

But it can be done, allow yourself to embrace Sobreity and write a new chapter to your life!!

You can do this!! :)

You don't have to feel like this ever again!

Detox can be very dangerous, the ER and/or a doctor can help a lot.

Sobriety feels good, I promise. Even on the bad days we face sober, it feels better than the madness you've been living. I've been on both sides. I'm sincerely promising you that it gets better. That is the honest truth.

Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised. True story.

Keep posting!

Thank you all for the feedback. I do know about detox being dangerous and just hope I'm through the worst. I had the phone with me all night but with a little food and a shower I'm feeling a bit better, hope to get a few hours sleep tonight.

I like the small step of changing my user name, anyone want to tell me how?

I'm going to try to get into the doctor tomorrow as (TMI alert), the color of my urine is concerning me, I hope I haven't done permanent damage this time.

How awful that one of my measures that I could still pull it together was that I haven't had a paracentisis procedure done in over 3 years.

To change your user name you'd just need to message Anna or one of the other administrators. Anna commented above somewhere on this thread so if you click on her name on that post it should give you the option to message her. I adjusted my name a while back as well.

Most of us come here with our lives made unmanageable through alcohol. But we gradually clear away the wreckage as we get sober and work on our recovery.

Stay safe, and keep reading and posting here. Re urine colour - if you're at all worried get checked out. Maybe they'll send you away and say you're okay. Which would be good. And maybe they won't, and then you'll be glad you went along. Best to err on the side of caution I'd have thought.

Depending on your use, detox can be very dangerous even after the first 3 days .....

I hope you will tell your doctor you need to see someone immediately to be sure you are physically ok (not just look it ... get blood work!)

don't wait till someone has to call an ambulance (although call one if needed please).

I'll be thinking of you!

I think Hamster Wheel is the wrong thought to have in my mind as it implies I can get off when I want. Sure I keep stopping for a few days, a week or so here and there, after about 25 years of drinking, I need to realize I'm in one of those hamster balls, I can make it stop for a while but I can't get out and it just takes one little nudge to get it rolling again.

It's not like I can 'just stop' for a few days, it's painful and scary and dangerous. There are no more hangovers, hasn't been for years, it's just withdrawal every time.

I've reached out about changing my user name, I really liked that suggestion.

Not sure where you stand today MovingForward1 ??
But, most work places will help troubled ones get into rehab.
My job at the City paid for a 28 day treatment hospital stay (very nice).
Best to be good and sober after that.
For one only get's so many chances before being let go.
MB

And you did good.