My brother in law is dying
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
My brother in law is dying
A month ago, we buried my mother in law. Now my best friend and brother is in his final days after fighting terminal cancer. I dread getting the phone call that he has passed but I know it's coming. I refrained from drinking through my mother in law's funeral and I know I will do the same for my sweet brother in law. But inside I am hurting a lot. I am also dealing with the possibility I have cancer and estrangement from my dad which is a whole other story. My drinking is down drastically through all this but I am still not quite where I need to be. But I am doing much better. I am just so sad.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Hi daisyforever, I am so sorry to hear of your hardships.
It is a testament to your strength that you refrained from drinking through your MIL's funeral and a great way to honor her.
Why don't you use a little more of that strength on reserve and quit entirely? It will benefit your health, and I believe you can do it.
We will be cheering you on.
It is a testament to your strength that you refrained from drinking through your MIL's funeral and a great way to honor her.
Why don't you use a little more of that strength on reserve and quit entirely? It will benefit your health, and I believe you can do it.
We will be cheering you on.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
So sorry for you loss. Cancer sucks. I lost my hub to it almost 5 years ago.....terrible.
I also had cancer twice myself. When you say you 'may' have cancer....I mean, you're all over that right? The earlier you treat, the better your chances. And alcoholism can really increase the risk of certain cancers.
I also had cancer twice myself. When you say you 'may' have cancer....I mean, you're all over that right? The earlier you treat, the better your chances. And alcoholism can really increase the risk of certain cancers.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
My best friend died in July 2013 (only in her 40s) and it changed me. We had been best friends since we were little girls. We talked on the phone every single day for the previous 30 years. The only thing I can tell you is that I didn't drink because of it. I handed it all over to God and was able to get through it through his grace. There is not one thing that having a drink would have added to the mourning process that would have been beneficial. Knowing that I was present and helpful to her in her final days was the greatest gift to myself. I hope you too will be able to gift yourself in the same way with your loss.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Dangit, I just typed in this long, heartfelt response, and somehow lost it. To paraphrase, I have been a heavy drinker for about 20 years. The last couple of years the mask started to slip and I have been scared. Started to develop lots of physical and emotional problems. The past 60 days I have decreased my drinking 90%. I absolutely know I must quit for good. Moderation is not an option as I am a true alcoholic. Hubby is drinking lots more due to grief and we have reversed roles. Drunks are annoying and I don't know how he's put up with me all these years. About two months ago I told my doctor how much I drink and he said it will kill me. Also said he has experience with alcoholic family members and to talk to him anytime. I feel I am re-awakening and it mostly feels good. But more importantly I want to thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses on my posts and other people's posts. I read them all. Am so sad about our losses but such is life. Very few have a light load. I do have some lumps in my chest they are looking at but I think I'll be OK. Especially if I don't drink. Thank you all again. Be well friends.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Getting sober is such an important key, Daisy. I drank pretty bad for around 25 years. Sometimes more sometimes less but the trend was always upward. The binges got long and worse and the periods of relative moderation got to be shorter and shorter. When my dad died it was like the last check on my behavior was gone and I really went off the rails. After about a year of being drunk literally every minute I possibly could drink it came to be like a bolt out of the blue that I was drinking myself to death. And finally that bothered me. Enough to come here and try to figure how to stop it.
Loss is a big part of life, sadly. We all have to learn how to deal with it. I feel the loss of my dad every day, and I miss him so much even after five years. But I really couldn't deal with it while I was drinking. The only constant is change; we have to be able to change and grow as long as we're alive. Alcohol often becomes an anchor that holds us back, prevents us from moving forward and doing the things we need to do to live life meaningfully.
I hope you will lean on the community, Daisy. I'm long past the point where I feel like I "need" to be here to prevent myself from drinking. But it's huge to me to share this fellowship with others who've had this same experience with alcohol. And I hope to be able to help others the way that so many others have helped and encouraged me along the way.
We will leave a light on for you, Daisy.
Loss is a big part of life, sadly. We all have to learn how to deal with it. I feel the loss of my dad every day, and I miss him so much even after five years. But I really couldn't deal with it while I was drinking. The only constant is change; we have to be able to change and grow as long as we're alive. Alcohol often becomes an anchor that holds us back, prevents us from moving forward and doing the things we need to do to live life meaningfully.
I hope you will lean on the community, Daisy. I'm long past the point where I feel like I "need" to be here to prevent myself from drinking. But it's huge to me to share this fellowship with others who've had this same experience with alcohol. And I hope to be able to help others the way that so many others have helped and encouraged me along the way.
We will leave a light on for you, Daisy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
ahhh you guys...thank you so very much. It is obvious that a big part of life is loss and grieving. I wish it wasn't so. I am sorry for all of you who shared your own experiences. I hope you are able to heal or in the processing of healing and are seeing some light at the end of this long and heartbreaking tunnel.
Went to the hospital yesterday to see my dear brother in law. He is totally unconscious however he does wake up very briefly and moans and cries like he is scared and/or hurting. He's not able to respond much to anyone, but he does calm down if you rub his chest and arms.
Guys, I came home yesterday in a horrible mood. All the sadness has turned to anger. I knew that the feeling I have had of complete serenity through most of these trials would most likely be short lived. I'd been praying so much and giving gratitude for the (almost) complete lack of cravings I have been experiencing which is nothing short of a miracle itself. There were times I was so scared in the past because I could never imagine being able to give it up for good, and these past couple months I got a glimpse of sober life and felt that I most certainly could. Drinking isn't so much fun when you put some distance between yourself and IT.
But yesterday and today I am just so angry. Snapping at my husband yesterday, snapping at co-workers today over stupid things which is totally out of character, I am just sitting here at my desk crying, dreading for the phone to ring though I know it would be merciful for my BIL to be free of his physical body, I still just cannot process the fact that I will never see him in this life again.
No I have not had a drink. My husband sat there last night with his bottle of rum and was pretty merry which just made me angrier. I wanted him to go to bed and give me some time in my own head to try to sort things out and find some peace.
I don't want to be drunk, but I would love not to feel as ugly as I feel right now.
I am trying to remember that things will be a thousand percent worse if I pickup. I read stories you all post of drinking again after a period of sobriety and how much worse it gets, and I know this to be true.
Sorry, I am just rambling. I am sure many of you can relate to this absolute miserable mess in my head right now. I do feel a little bit better getting it out. And I do sincerely thank you, each and every one of you for being here, not just for me but for many others too.
Went to the hospital yesterday to see my dear brother in law. He is totally unconscious however he does wake up very briefly and moans and cries like he is scared and/or hurting. He's not able to respond much to anyone, but he does calm down if you rub his chest and arms.
Guys, I came home yesterday in a horrible mood. All the sadness has turned to anger. I knew that the feeling I have had of complete serenity through most of these trials would most likely be short lived. I'd been praying so much and giving gratitude for the (almost) complete lack of cravings I have been experiencing which is nothing short of a miracle itself. There were times I was so scared in the past because I could never imagine being able to give it up for good, and these past couple months I got a glimpse of sober life and felt that I most certainly could. Drinking isn't so much fun when you put some distance between yourself and IT.
But yesterday and today I am just so angry. Snapping at my husband yesterday, snapping at co-workers today over stupid things which is totally out of character, I am just sitting here at my desk crying, dreading for the phone to ring though I know it would be merciful for my BIL to be free of his physical body, I still just cannot process the fact that I will never see him in this life again.
No I have not had a drink. My husband sat there last night with his bottle of rum and was pretty merry which just made me angrier. I wanted him to go to bed and give me some time in my own head to try to sort things out and find some peace.
I don't want to be drunk, but I would love not to feel as ugly as I feel right now.
I am trying to remember that things will be a thousand percent worse if I pickup. I read stories you all post of drinking again after a period of sobriety and how much worse it gets, and I know this to be true.
Sorry, I am just rambling. I am sure many of you can relate to this absolute miserable mess in my head right now. I do feel a little bit better getting it out. And I do sincerely thank you, each and every one of you for being here, not just for me but for many others too.
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