New - mentally broken.
 

I am mentally broken. I have struggled for about 5 years to get and stay sober, with the last attempt including a 45-day stay in a rehab facility in Feb/March 2016 after a hospitalization. I got out and have already found myself in a full relapse. It started 2 weeks after treatment with a "slip". I somehow managed to pull myself together and stay sober for another 2 weeks, but relapsed again and there has been almost no looking back.

I feel so defeated. I felt that rehab was my last option. Today is Day 2 again. Yesterday was awful. Between the fits of crying, fits of rage, tightness in my chest from anxiety, insomnia, hopelessness, loneliness and the overwhelming feeling that I will never be happy, I felt like giving up.

This morning was not much better. After getting about an hour of sleep, I somehow took a shower and got ready for work as I bawled my eyes out the entire time. I never want to feel like this again. I have felt that way for a long time, but this has proved to be the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I know I need every possible coping tool possible so here I am asking for support and guidance & praying to God for 24 hours. Thank you for listening.

Just want you to know you are not alone. I am in a similar boat. I did it again too. Somehow knowing that I am not alone is a huge comfort to me. So many people have been successful at quitting drinking. We can be too.

Day 2 is the right direction!
Sorry to hear the rough time you are having right now.

It will get better!!

We are here for you.

You're not alone. I'm right there with you. Day 1 here too.

It sounds like alcohol has not been kind to you. It is a liar and a thief, and a very patient one at that. Sorry to hear your so down. Maybe make writing on this forum everyday will help. Many good people here that can help you. We are in this together. You can change your life, millions of people have. You deserve better.

Nice to meet you

Welcome aboard GAH. Like the others have said, you aren't alone in this. You absolutely can turn your life around and get yourself better.

I think you need to analyze what your triggers are when you slip. You've got to learn from your past so that you are prepared when those hazards present themselves again... and I promise you they will.

Stay strong and lean on us as much as you can. Stick close to SR and stay as active as you can here as well; that helped me tremendously in the early days.

I know that awful place you are in right now. I was there 3 weeks ago. I'm still struggling but I just accept that I will be miserable for a while. I have been to rehab, therapy, doctors etc. This time around I joined AA. So far so good it's kept me sober for the longest period in a year. Being around other alcoholics and listening to their stories has helped me immensely

2 days is great and I'm glad you're continuing to work on your recovery.

There is always hope.

Glad your here GAH...you are in good company here & will find much support & understanding.

You may a fellowship of other alcoholics to keep you sober. I went into AA kicking and screaming that I could do it on my own, but the truth was I couldn't. The fellowship made it almost easy and getting a sponsor help me to be accountable. I've now been sober several years and am enjoying contented sobriety.

i'm sure you learned some good tools and ideas while in rehab.....put them to use now! i believe you can do this! sorry it's a tough go at the moment, but it WILL pass and you are right.....you NEVER have to feel like this again EVER!!!! won't that be awesome????

Good! That´s where I had to be as well. And so many other of my A.A. friends too.

With the back to the wall, no bullets left.
Utter defeat without any bargaining.
No conditions to negotiate about.

Then we finally become ready to surrender.

And start into a whole new life. As so many before have done.

Ready for the first step?

S

Hey gahaley

I relate very much. 38 days ago I started a thread.....Utterly Defeated...or something like that. The bottom line for me? I cannot drink, not matter what.

I know it's tuff right now but hang in there. You can do this.

Good to meet you, GAHaley - we care about you & understand what you're going through. I hope you'll feel better knowing you're not alone.

Me too on the kicking and screaming...till I had zero other options. Only 109 days sober not a couple of years but I would echo the same. You can do this- grab on to your new chance with all you've got.