Not doing so well...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Behappy1 
I agree - I spoke with my bff today and I feel a little better. I forced myself to go outside and water some flowers. I am starting to feel a little more motivated and really work on my sobriety and kick alcohol's a@@. I am highly qualified and I'll find something work wise or figure it out. The last few days have been some very dark days. I prayed for the best possible outcome with my job. I cannot believe this was the answer that Ive gotten. I had a good reminder of how dark they can be and how I cannot control alcohol. If I could have drank today I would have done so. I'm glad I didn't have access to it.
Start your new life. You're going to be OK, more so if you embrace sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Behappy, we are all behind you. What happened sucked beyond belief but you stood up and you owned it. Now you're feeling incredibly down - that's understandable. But you're strong. I can see the strength and spirit in your words. You ARE going to turn this around. One step at a time and you know - we all know - the first step is to put down the drink. Do whatever it takes to stop, and stay stopped. Then put your amazing strength and ability into turning this around. You have got this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 974
Hey all,
Thank you for the hand holding yesterday. I do appreciate it. I am feeling really ashamed, humiliated and do not want to go out in public at all due to my actions. BUT I know that I cannot wallow in this. I have to own it and get myself right. I read and read here yesterday. Went to bed, woke up with the sweats and today is a new day. I need to get this DUI taken care of and will start job prospecting next week. I had a consulting business before I went into the corporate world. I am entertaining the idea of ramping that back up.
I know that I was 100% wrong in my situation. But I can either hang my head and wallow in this or I can hold my head up, get myself right and move on to bigger and better things. Last this week was awful. My house shows it. I think I'll put my energy into that today. My daughter did a heptathalon today. I'm so proud of her. She didn't do so well, but it was her first one. I found myself telling her it's ok, you've got one under your belt, now you know what to expect. Let's work hard and do better at the next one. I suppose I need to tell myself the same things.
I do have an email in to the treatment place that I went too. Not that I need any place physical to go too, but I can do an amino acid booster. Which is what I need. I know that I have and will continue to beat myself up for the DUI and job loss. But I've decided that the damage is done. Ruminating in the wreckage that I've caused won't put it back together.
I was given a cross in treatment that says "trust in the Lord". Guys I prayed and prayed prior to Tuesday (job loss) for the best possible outcome. Since then I've really struggled with the answer that I was given. For now, I need to go day by day in the blind. Trusting that things will be better.
Sugar bear - I will pm you with the online aa. I live in a pretty remote location. I've stated before due to gossip I won't go in my town. Meetings are about 45 min away so online fits my schedule for now.
Thank you for the hand holding yesterday. I do appreciate it. I am feeling really ashamed, humiliated and do not want to go out in public at all due to my actions. BUT I know that I cannot wallow in this. I have to own it and get myself right. I read and read here yesterday. Went to bed, woke up with the sweats and today is a new day. I need to get this DUI taken care of and will start job prospecting next week. I had a consulting business before I went into the corporate world. I am entertaining the idea of ramping that back up.
I know that I was 100% wrong in my situation. But I can either hang my head and wallow in this or I can hold my head up, get myself right and move on to bigger and better things. Last this week was awful. My house shows it. I think I'll put my energy into that today. My daughter did a heptathalon today. I'm so proud of her. She didn't do so well, but it was her first one. I found myself telling her it's ok, you've got one under your belt, now you know what to expect. Let's work hard and do better at the next one. I suppose I need to tell myself the same things.
I do have an email in to the treatment place that I went too. Not that I need any place physical to go too, but I can do an amino acid booster. Which is what I need. I know that I have and will continue to beat myself up for the DUI and job loss. But I've decided that the damage is done. Ruminating in the wreckage that I've caused won't put it back together.
I was given a cross in treatment that says "trust in the Lord". Guys I prayed and prayed prior to Tuesday (job loss) for the best possible outcome. Since then I've really struggled with the answer that I was given. For now, I need to go day by day in the blind. Trusting that things will be better.
Sugar bear - I will pm you with the online aa. I live in a pretty remote location. I've stated before due to gossip I won't go in my town. Meetings are about 45 min away so online fits my schedule for now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 974
One other thing that I will say... I drank Tuesday night - Thursday night. Yesterday I was climbing the walls. It's amazing how once we fuel our system with this crap that it's never enough. If I would have been able to drive I for sure would have drank. I was doing so well before, but each time you feed the beast it grows.
I also was on the online meeting here last night. Didn't say a word, but it was cool to know I was not alone and struggling by myself with this.
I also was on the online meeting here last night. Didn't say a word, but it was cool to know I was not alone and struggling by myself with this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I totally get one you are saying. Once you drink, it kind of wakes up the beast. First few days (weeks for some) are tough. I compare it to like being locked up in chains, but once you break free from those chains you feel "free" because the nagging thought of alcohol kinda of fades. You can do it man, stay strong.
Like the old saying goes "nothing worthwhile is ever easy".
Like the old saying goes "nothing worthwhile is ever easy".
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Behappy, I am so sorry that you're going through this. I'm glad to see that you're getting a link to the online meetings from Sugarbear.
I'm glad that you came here and posted. You want this. You just have to find a way to not pick up that first drink. SR can help you with that and so can the online meetings.
I'm glad that you came here and posted. You want this. You just have to find a way to not pick up that first drink. SR can help you with that and so can the online meetings.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
I understand completely due to my circumstances that I am dealing with right now. The past is over and done with. Move forward since what's done is done and we can't change that. I am in a funk do to poor choices, but almost daily AA meetings and talks with my sponsor really help. Others have gone through the wreckage and persevered too!!
Lilly
Lilly
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
You did good posting, Behappy. You will get this and reclaim your life. Did you ever hear the song, "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers?" The guy prayed and prayed for something, which prayer wasn't answered. His life turned out for the better - hence, he's thanking God for unanswered prayers. I think the same will happen for you. Chin up! 
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Glad you are doing better today. Maybe this is the best for you, for now. I don't like when things don't go my way, but in the long run, I see that it is what really was best for me!
listen to Bea M. on xa speakers, she's very funny!!! Laughter is good for us!!
listen to Bea M. on xa speakers, she's very funny!!! Laughter is good for us!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 974
Thank you guys! Ironically, I was offered a few jobs last year for more $ when my company merged with another in a buyout. I elected to stay with this company because I believed in them. Even though they had an antiquated impression in my industry.
Not downing this company because it is 100% my fault. I do think part of this is because during this merger our salaries in the buyout were much higher than this company currently paid. There is a lot that goes on behind closed doors in HR. I've learned that the hard way. In the end HR did not even call me at all until after we parted ways.
I need to get my ducks in a row. But for NOW what I need to do is not drink. Not going to lie. If it were here right now I doubt I would dump it. But I've been trying to amp myself up with positive talk and get myself off of this pity train.
Sugar bear - I will for sure look up Bea M. Thanks for the info! Unanswered prayers - by Garth? I love that song. I have no doubt that I will go up from here. I tend to not be a big person on change. Maybe this was a forcible change that I need. I am so thankful that my situation was not worse.
Not downing this company because it is 100% my fault. I do think part of this is because during this merger our salaries in the buyout were much higher than this company currently paid. There is a lot that goes on behind closed doors in HR. I've learned that the hard way. In the end HR did not even call me at all until after we parted ways.
I need to get my ducks in a row. But for NOW what I need to do is not drink. Not going to lie. If it were here right now I doubt I would dump it. But I've been trying to amp myself up with positive talk and get myself off of this pity train.
Sugar bear - I will for sure look up Bea M. Thanks for the info! Unanswered prayers - by Garth? I love that song. I have no doubt that I will go up from here. I tend to not be a big person on change. Maybe this was a forcible change that I need. I am so thankful that my situation was not worse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Behappy1
I need to get my ducks in a row. But for NOW what I need to do is not drink. Not going to lie. If it were here right now I doubt I would dump it. But I've been trying to amp myself up with positive talk and get myself off of this pity train.
Those are the kind of questions you need to ask yourself.
The answers help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by Venecia
What would drinking accomplish?
Those are the kind of questions you need to ask yourself.
The answers help.
Those are the kind of questions you need to ask yourself.
The answers help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 974
Hey all, Just wanted to put this out there for thoughts...
So I have lost my job on Tuesday due to a DUI and not letting the company know about it. My parents have been very supportive of me on and off through relapses and broken promises of stopping drinking. They semi understand addiction, but not really. I appreciate all of their help. Since getting help mid March, I have had 5 slips, benders, relapses - whatever you want to call them... I drank 5 times and they know about them all.
After the last one, my mom rightfully went off on me and has not spoken to me since Thursday and basically says that she is sick of it - blah, blah blah. My parents are close to 65. They have had to do running around for me due to my DUI. I have/had a highly successful career and will no doubt have it again. I have been giving my parents their space and have things in place for a "booster" treatment next week, meetings online etc. My mom is stressed out over all of this and has a family gathering at her house next week for Fathers Day which I usually help get ready for. (Cooking, heavy cleaning, yard work). I. Just found out tonight that my grandpa went to the ER because he is having trouble breathing and may have pneumonia. He and I are really close and my parents haven't called or offered any information or an update on how he's doing. I suspect he's going to be just fine and they want to prove their point to me.
Right now I hate myself and the situation that I have put them in. This stress is by no means doing anything to me but want me to try as hard as I possibly can and put this selfish, self centered addiction to rest.
My question - what can I do to help my parents at this point. I don't want to force myself upon them at all during this stressful time. I will do EVERYTHING that I can to get myself right. Any suggestions on what I can do to help them? They've heard many "I'm done's" from me. Although I meant it at the time, eventually another time came again where I drank.
I am not sure if any of this makes sense. I just want to take as much stress away from them and get my sobriety on the right track FOR GOOD. Thank you for reading.
So I have lost my job on Tuesday due to a DUI and not letting the company know about it. My parents have been very supportive of me on and off through relapses and broken promises of stopping drinking. They semi understand addiction, but not really. I appreciate all of their help. Since getting help mid March, I have had 5 slips, benders, relapses - whatever you want to call them... I drank 5 times and they know about them all.
After the last one, my mom rightfully went off on me and has not spoken to me since Thursday and basically says that she is sick of it - blah, blah blah. My parents are close to 65. They have had to do running around for me due to my DUI. I have/had a highly successful career and will no doubt have it again. I have been giving my parents their space and have things in place for a "booster" treatment next week, meetings online etc. My mom is stressed out over all of this and has a family gathering at her house next week for Fathers Day which I usually help get ready for. (Cooking, heavy cleaning, yard work). I. Just found out tonight that my grandpa went to the ER because he is having trouble breathing and may have pneumonia. He and I are really close and my parents haven't called or offered any information or an update on how he's doing. I suspect he's going to be just fine and they want to prove their point to me.
Right now I hate myself and the situation that I have put them in. This stress is by no means doing anything to me but want me to try as hard as I possibly can and put this selfish, self centered addiction to rest.
My question - what can I do to help my parents at this point. I don't want to force myself upon them at all during this stressful time. I will do EVERYTHING that I can to get myself right. Any suggestions on what I can do to help them? They've heard many "I'm done's" from me. Although I meant it at the time, eventually another time came again where I drank.
I am not sure if any of this makes sense. I just want to take as much stress away from them and get my sobriety on the right track FOR GOOD. Thank you for reading.
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
I think driving 45 minutes to an AA meeting would be a good start. I drive at least 30 minutes to any that I attend so a bit of a drive is just an excuse not to go. You can't do anything for them until you help yourself first and whatever you have been doing up to this point has only gotten you into the predicament that you are currently in. Why not accept a little drive time and attend some meetings where you can get some real help from people who have been through it all and can help you get back to a life that you want.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
Hi BeHappy,
I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa, and hope he will be okay.
I know you have a lot going on right now, and I'm glad you aren't drinking. Is there any chance you can contact some of the companies who offered you positions during the merger? Maybe they still have openings.
I am sending prayers virtual hugs your way.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa, and hope he will be okay.
I know you have a lot going on right now, and I'm glad you aren't drinking. Is there any chance you can contact some of the companies who offered you positions during the merger? Maybe they still have openings.
I am sending prayers virtual hugs your way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 974
Hey Hellrzr - I cannot drive right now due to the DUI. I had work privileges and that was it. I hope to have my license back in 2.5 weeks.
Man - these types of things really put the selfishness of alcohol really puts this in perspective. This makes me want to fight harder to REMOVE ALL things alcohol from my life. Not even the least bit tempted right now. I'm pissed off that I'm not there and it is MY fault. My mom did text me. They are keeping my grandpa. He is 88. Not sure what is going on yet. They're doing tests.
Man - these types of things really put the selfishness of alcohol really puts this in perspective. This makes me want to fight harder to REMOVE ALL things alcohol from my life. Not even the least bit tempted right now. I'm pissed off that I'm not there and it is MY fault. My mom did text me. They are keeping my grandpa. He is 88. Not sure what is going on yet. They're doing tests.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 974
Delilah - Yes. That is my plan. I want to take the next week or so and get some crap in order financially. I will then talk with my attorney to find out some kind of an idea of the outcome of my case. I've had agents call and want to do lunch to discuss my future as far as employment sooner than later. At this point I've needed some time for this to sink in as this just happened 5 days ago. I will definitely explore my options. I feel like I need to get the DUI figured out first. It happened 4 months ago. Lots to do this week, but I will get it done and figure out a future for myself.
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