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What's your best tips for Long term recovery

Old 06-08-2016, 03:15 AM
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Chances
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What's your best tips for Long term recovery

I use to post on an AA site but moved on months ago as I didn't connect with that program - some members.
I received an email today asking

'''I was just curious, what kind of non-12-step thing did you end up
following? I myself don't quite relate to the 12 steps, it seems to be a
lot more about crying "look at me i feel bad" as opposed to actually
aggressively pursuing self-control and discipline'''

The sender clearly explained he was asking advice on long term recovery and what works - so not an opinion on AA is it wasn't positive or constructive.

My best tips were
1. Meditation
2. Self / character psychology improvement books like dialetic therapy
& i should have included
3. Daily positive actions like ringing friends abs family
4. Exercise

So i was wondering what other technics, books, courses, actions etc etc have had a major effect and might help others (including me!) in the long term
Thanks
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Old 06-08-2016, 03:36 AM
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The one thing that made me happiest when being sober and was elemental in maintaining is what you see in my signature line. It removed the fight within me, reduced anxiety, and allowed me to live life as it's meant to be lived. I had 17 months of sobriety before I picked back up and the only reason I did was my failure to pay attention to those words.
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Old 06-08-2016, 04:03 AM
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For me have a plan in place
Exercise
Daily visit and reading on forums and AA Online
Meditation
Mindfulness
Carry a list in my pocket just in case, lists what I was like drinking, what I stand to loose....have used this a few times when I wanted to walk into the beer store
Sober friends
Learn to forgive myself and what happened in my drinking days
Repair family relationships (long process, one at a time)
I have a binder of class's I took in Smart Recovery - 28 day program, I read a section often to keep it fresh

That is a few things I do
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Old 06-08-2016, 04:48 AM
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Hmmm. I've never really participated in AA online, but the fellowships and the steps are not about whining and complaining. They are about discovering, uncovering and discarding behaviors and defects of character that are holding me back. Realizing that much of my drinking is because of my own self will, getting out of myself by being of service to others. They are about surrender and acceptance.

If its self 'control' and discipline that is being sought, the person can focus on meeting commitments, being completely honest, being accountable, sticking to a healthy eating and exercise plan. Etc.

But whatever a person employs, for me, it has to focus on absolute acceptance that I cannot drink again and it should have a process that leads to surrender and peace.
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:24 AM
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I learned something in counseling that was quite interesting. How we perceive things often has a lot to do with how we are rather than how others are. I remember discussing a person that I disliked and my counselor handed me a notepad. She asked me to list every quality of that person that I found annoying that led me to say I disliked them. I completed the list and she asked "So you're done?" and I said yes. She said "Now, I want you to put your name at the top of the list".

It was very uncomfortable because I had to look at all of those things and realize that what I disliked about that person was almost the same exact things that I disliked about myself.

With the above being said:

it seems to be a lot more about crying "look at me i feel bad"
The reason I'm pointing this out is that when I first attended AA years back I can admit that's exactly how I felt about it. A bunch of people who seemed to want to sit and whine about not being able to drink. I now realize that's because that's how I, myself, felt at the time.

I support anyone's choice to use whatever program they wish to choose to get sober. I still have to speak up when I see this statement because what you see is your own perception. Your own interpretation and not necessarily the truth. It says a lot about the person making the observation and not the program itself.
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:35 AM
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Hey Ladyblue

I realized this tendency of mine years ago...to project. I don't have this issue as much as I did when I was younger, but I would often butt heads at work with the women that were most like me. Threatened would be the word. Not just of their positive qualities, but the mirror they provided that would reflect my own negative tendencies.

AA has a lot of good qualities, and a lot of not so good qualities. I focus on what helps me and what I need, try to stay open minded (because I have learned there is huge difference between what I need and what I want) and listen.
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Old 06-08-2016, 07:04 AM
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Make a choice & accept that you won't drink or use anymore learn about your addiction and keep working on yourself gradually over time the days months and years will accumulate but only if that is what you want will you achieve this
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Old 06-08-2016, 10:42 AM
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Change your thinking about drinking!

Instead of thinking "Poor me, I can't handle alcohol....everyone else gets to drink, but not poor me...life sucks!"

Think "OH WOW, I am so lucky to be able to go through a day, a week, a month, the rest of my life, without the devil, booze!
I feel wonderful, and I am so grateful ! Life is really good!!! "
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Old 06-08-2016, 11:28 AM
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The best advice I got was to not enter into a relationship until I felt healthy enough to be a supportive partner.
I guess the biggest thing for me is not trying to look outside of myself for strength and safety after the booze is gone. I tried to use relationships to stop the fear in the same manner I used booze to stop the fear. Feeling scared and alone are the biggest triggers for me and I have to learn to be ok with the fear and accept it because drinking just ruins all my good qualities.

Believe in yourself!
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Old 06-08-2016, 11:32 AM
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Copy and do the things that someone who has what you want does .

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Old 06-08-2016, 01:22 PM
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Quote: it seems to be a lot more about crying "look at me i feel bad"

Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527 View Post
when I first attended AA years back I can admit that's exactly how I felt about it. A bunch of people who seemed to want to sit and whine about not being able to drink. I now realize that's because that's how I, myself, felt at the time.
I agree wholeheartedly LadyBlue. This might the case with an occasional individual in AA but the opposite is far more often true. "You spot it you got it" somehow seems to be a theme today.

My tip for long term recovery is to look very carefully at the times you drank, after you had decided "never again". Understand deeply and thoroughly the reason(s) you decided to drink and have a plan for when that circumstance finds you again.
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Old 06-08-2016, 02:03 PM
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I ffound things got a whole lot easier after 3 months... I would do what ever it took to get the first 3 months under my belt. Life looks saner with a clear head and fewer cravings. ]

you can do it

one day at a time
one hour at a time
or one minute at a time
what ever it takes
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Old 06-08-2016, 02:18 PM
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2 words...stay empowered!
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Old 06-08-2016, 03:48 PM
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Often for me it's as basic as accepting the things I cannot change, and changing the things I can. Good ole Serenity Prayer (but I don't do the God part).

Doing the first bit with serenity...? occasionally And the second, with courage? Often whatever gets me going couldn't be rightly called 'courage', more often it's 'getting up off my a&%'.


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Old 06-08-2016, 05:00 PM
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The most important thing for me to stay sober, is what our beloved CarolD said often: I have to want to be sober more than I want to drink. And since I do, I have no trouble staying sober.
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:28 PM
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One day at a time.

Yes it's cliche & simple, but the moment I accepted it, the easier this became. I don't have to worry about drinking tomorrow, next week, at my 50th birthday in 5 years, or even at my son's wedding WAY in the future (yes, I used to worry about that). I just have to concentrate on not drinking TODAY. Once I broke it down into increments of 24 hours it seemed easier to conquer. Before I knew it I had a week under my belt then all the sudden I had a month, then100 days, then 6 months, & now I'll have 23 months this month! NEVER would've imagined it, but those 24 hours add up!

One step, one day at a time.
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Old 06-08-2016, 05:43 PM
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I am sober three years this month. I embraced the concept that sobriety was a decision, one of the most powerful gestures I will ever make in my life. I don't bemoan the fact that I "can't drink", rather I embrace the thought process that I don't drink.

I have been honest with people when it was appropriate about the fact that I am a nondrinker. I have found nothing but admiration and respect for choosing this path, and I hope that discussing my decision frankly helps to diminish the stigma that still dominates many grappling with addiction. I have also had the pleasure of helping a few people who came to me directly during their struggle. I feel strongly that too many people suffer silently because of shame.

Getting sober did not solve all of my problems, but it put me in a much healthier position to make prudent life choices.

I believe that just like addiction was progressive, so too was my sobriety. I have found SR to be of the utmost help as it represented a very broad swath of approaches to getting sober, and I gradually learned to listen to what would best align with who I am.
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Old 06-08-2016, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by jaynie04 View Post
I don't bemoan the fact that I "can't drink", rather I embrace the thought process that I don't drink.
Yes, embrace.

Once I figured this out things became a lot easier. But it took a lot to get there. There are so many ways to get sober. Explore them all.

You are awesome btw, jaynie! Well done on three years.
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Old 06-08-2016, 06:31 PM
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Hello all:

I agree that like everything in life, it is about attitude. I feel really happy and empowered to be sober and I have also found that a lot of people express admiration. I think that the tip to long term sobriety is to celebrate it in yourself everyday and stay commited. I'm happier now more than ever and I am so grateful. Sobriety as I understand it is about personal growth and one has to work at it, and have consistency and in my case it was when I got compliant that I fell...

I try to eat healthy, walk my dog and do things that make me feel good. I try to be the best I can be so that I am proud of who and how I am. When I was drinking I did really shameful things and I got in situations that were unsafe. I felt bad about myself and carried guilt and terrible anxiety. That will never be again. Ever.

Thanks for the post and responses.

Happy 3 years Jaynie!!!
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Old 06-08-2016, 06:35 PM
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A solid Program.
Thinking about sobriety
and staying sober
each and every day.

Never forgetting that last drunk.
Mine was horrendous.

Mountainman
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