Keywest0724

Hello...please bare with me as I get through this. I have come to the realization that my pregnant wife is an addict. Perhaps I came to the realization a month or so ago, but for reasons I can't comprehend, I chose to believe she wasn't or that I could help her through it. Reading through some threads on this site dealing with the same issue has helped me start this process. Tonight was enough. I am sick to my stomach thinking about how my inaction may have impacted our unborn child. I blame myself almost as much as my wife. Reading through some similar situation threads, it is the same cycle: never their fault, the last time, my fault for to much stress, I'm imaging things, twisting, turning and lying.

Well, tonight was enough...until tonight I have been going it alone...thinking I could solve this problem myself. That has been an epic failure. I have now clued her parents in on the problem and will be calling her OB first thing in the morning to get advice on steps we need to take. I will take whatever steps I need to take to protect my unborn child first and help my wife second. I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted from dealing with all of this.

I'm sorry for rambling and will get to my questions...what should I expect from here? Her parents are willing to help and assist with any treatment needed. What will tomorrow bring when I talk to her OB? How will my wife react when she finds out I did? When she finds out I have shared everything with her parents? What will next week bring, next month, next year?

I am not a forum person, but really need a support system and found some great advice here. Thank you in advance.

D122y

I don't have an answer sir, but i read your post and said a prayer.

Tough situation. Try to get your sleep and eat healthy. These things will help.

Venecia

I'm sorry that you're going through such a worrisome situation. Please don't blame yourself for what is going on.

Without knowing your wife, it is hard to know what to tell you in terms of expectations. A couple thoughts:

- When you talk with her OB, he/she may be restricted in terms of patient confidentiality and she is the patient. That will be a question for the OB. The best course may be to ask about resources available and for his/her counsel on how to get your wife connected with the services she very desperately needs. Perhaps he/she can connect you with a social worker at the hospital. I'd then contact those services/organizations for help to successfully intervene.

- It is very gracious of your wife's parents' to offer to get her into treatment. The only thing I can offer is that it is extended to her in a way that shows you want to provide the help she needs, rather than in a way that makes her feel threatened.

I hope all goes well for you tomorrow. Your situation is undeniably one of concern and my thoughts are with you.

Soberwolf

Welcome Keywest

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, Keywest! I'm sorry for the problems that have brought you here but it's good to have you with us nonetheless.

Keywest0724

Thank you to all who have responded. I spoke with the Dr. today. She is concerned for the baby and my wife. I attempted to discuss it with my wife this evening, but it has not gone well. I guess she isn't ready to see she has a problem quite yet. Blaming me for just about everything under the sun and pretending that she won't talk to me about it because I went behind her back to the doctor and her parents. I know these are all classic reactions, but it is really hard to let them all role off your skin and to not get sucked into a yelling match.

I documented everything on paper thinking that seeing it may have an impact...she refused to look at it, but took it with her before shutting herself in the bedroom. I'm hoping once she calms down she will read and process how bad it has gotten. I'm hopeful she will agree to seeing her doctor on Friday as was requested and seeking further counselling for the disease. I would like to resolve this without force (legal means), but am prepared to do so if necessary.

Thank you again for the support of this community.

Anna

I'm very sorry for your situation. It must be so difficult for you.

When it comes to an unborn child, there is no question in my mind what needs to be done, and of course, the unborn child needs protection. Above all, you must do everything you can, as the father, to care for your unborn child. I think speaking with the dr was a good call and I agree with you about taking legal steps if necessary. Your wife may be very angry with you for talking with her parents and dr, but the care of the child trumps your wife's feelings any day.

uncorked

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. I stopped drinking while I was pregnant, but it wasn't easy at first. How much is she drinking, or don't you know? (I'm assuming it's alcohol but maybe not.) I'm glad you are protecting your child. Deep down she knows she has to stop, at least while she's pregnant. I hope your wife comes to her senses and gets the help she needs.

thomas11

Good job in reaching out and taking action. Not that it matters, but what is she addicted to?

Keywest0724

Unfortunately I don't know all that she has been drinking during this pregnancy, only the things I have found hidden from me. It has been far more then any pregnant woman should be drinking. I get nauseous when I think about how my earlier action could have protected my unborn child. I can now only hope to god no damage has been done. Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement. I can't tell you how much it helps.

Keywest0724

Alcohol. Hidden in the closet, hidden in water bottles, mixed to look like she was drinking water when it was vodka and seltzer. I'm sure all of these things are obvious to many. I was clueless...or perhaps blind for too long. Thank you for the encouragement.

Soberween

Keywest, since this involves an innocent unborn child, you are 100% in the right and your wife is 100% in the wrong. She can blame you all she wants, but one person can not make another person an alcoholic. I tried to pull that crap with my husband.... "you're too mean to me, you're too nice to me, I can't find a job so I drink, my job is stressing me out so I drink..." The fact of the matter was I am an alcoholic so I was going to drink no matter what..... good, bad, happy, sad. It really didn't matter. Fortunately, I never drank while pregnant. We're not allowed to give medical advice, but drinking alcohol anytime while pregnant is not good, but I've always heard that alcohol has the most impact on the fetus at the end of the first trimester. So do whatever it takes, you need to get her off the alcohol NOW!!! She can hate you all she wants. So sorry you are having to go through this when this should be a really happy time in your life.

shockozulu

Monday I had to call my ex's heart doctor to let him know M is still drinking and it affected his heart condition severely. I asked that the office not let them I had passed this information on to them. It was a hard call to make but for them to be able to treat M properly they needed that information. With a baby, you did the right thing no matter how hard it was to call.

Welcome

Keywest0724

I again want to say a heartfelt "THANK YOU" to all that have replied. I'm not sure if I'm posting this update for all of you, or me...it certainly feels better to get it all out.

Last night was extremely rough. The wonderful technology of texting allows people to send whatever they want quickly and without accountability. I know through reading posts on this site, everything I am getting from my wife is to be expected and "normal" and thankfully I have a pretty thick skin. She eventually left the house and ended up staying at a hotel. Messages after she left went from angry and hurtful to scary. I found out where she was staying and attempted to speak with her...apparently she wasn't ready for that.

A few messages after that had me concerned for her safety and when I said I was on my way back to the hotel and calling 911 I quickly received multiple calls from her leading me to believe she was shaken that I "called her bluff" and calling the authorities. She eventually let me in. I held her for a little while...the best feeling I have had in a few days. At some point I think her moment of realization turned back to guilt/anger/deflection and she told me to leave. I knew she was safe and appeared ready to get some MUCH needed rest so I agreed to just keep the situation calm for the night.

I have not heard from her yet this morning, but I'm hoping a new day will bring some amount of calming. I have turned her parents to this site as well. The last few days of chaos have brought about much doubt, but I can always find a post or a reply that reinforces I have done the right thing...the only thing, I could do.

Thanks again to everyone...I'm hoping in the days and weeks to come, I will be able to begin posting small amounts of positive news.

Meraviglioso

Hello and welcome. What a great father and husband you are to reach out for help for yourself, your child and your wife. Try to remember that your wife is probably very angry at herself right now and this may be a reason why she is lashing out. I can say for myself (as an alcoholic) that the times people have tried to help me I may have reacted defensive or angry but deep down it made me feel safe, cared for and like there was hope. Please keep pushing her to get help for the sake of your child. I will be thinking of you.

Berrybean

What a sorry situation. You might do well to investigate the friends and family area, and post there as well.

It may be that some face too face support wouldn't go amiss either, in which case alanon may be helpful to you... Al-Anon Family Groups of Southeastern Wisconsin - Serving Milwaukee, Waukesha, Ozaukee, Washington, Dodge, Jefferson, Walworth, Racine, and Kenosha Counties

Prayers coming the way of you, your wife, and your unborn child.