sweetichick

I'm on day 7 today and feeling a lot better. I'm sleeping well and wake up brighter. The problem is my liver still hasn't recovered and I'm still exhausted. My boyfriend doesn't understand why the house hasn't been made clean and tidy yet. I'm still walking around in a fog and have only 5 days to do an assessment for my part-time studies. I've had weeks to study but was too busy drinking. My house still looks like its been hit by a bomb. I've made some progress in that I'm now not eating takeaway and can walk properly. All this is causing me major anxiety and just makes me feel like giving up. Has anyone else had this problem with others expecting too much too soon? My boyfriend doesn't live with me.

ScottFromWI

Yes, it's common to feel that way early on. We expect too much of ourselves too soon many times as well. As addicts we crave instant gratification of our drug of choice, and those feelings bleed over into other areas of our lives. Just try and take things one at a time. Maybe you could explain to your BF that you need help? He may not even know you feel this way.

REsoberALITY

Just try to be patient. Although he knows what's going on, he surely can't know exactly what you're going through or how you're feeling. I have found that most people (even the ones closest to me) think you stop drinking and somehow "magically" get better that instant. Just take it one day at a time, and explain what you can when you're ready. You're doing great, focus on you! Congrats on your 7 days!

uncorked

Hi sweetichick, great job on 7 days!!! Yes, it takes awhile, especially with your liver condition. (Have you been to a doctor?) It can be months before you truly feel like yourself again. Luckily, it's your place, not your boyfriend's. Get to it when you're ready.

Mountainmanbob

Seems to be pretty common with newly sober ones.
Stay sober and all will fall into place.
Take care of yourself at this time and don't worry about the boyfriend.
Mountainmanbob

Berrybean

Try to bear on mind that there is no earthly reason that a normal would understand alcoholic behaviour, thoughts or feelings, or what it's like in early recovery. To be honest, we struggle to understand it ourselves. It's not that these people don't want to understand, it's that they can't. He can't understand what you are going through and more than you can recover in a week. Acceptance is key here.

Re the house situation, I would suggest, if you want to tackle it just focusing on one room at a time. I started with the lounge as that was the easiest and it was also where I would sit the most . The impact it had on my mood and general feeling of wellbeing gave me the incentive to do the next room and so on. But do it for you - because you deserve a nice place to recover, rather that for your boyfriend or anyone else. OR if you have the cash employ a cleaner for a one off spring clean, then keep on top of it. Waste of money?? Not at all, compared with spending it on poison.

sweetichick

Hey all, Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm expecting too much in wanting someone close to understand. I told him I was in a fog just now when he came over and I can only do one thing at a time. Tackling a room at a time is a great idea as I'm sure I'll feel better about myself once its all eventually done. I'll focus on myself not my boyfriend as that is the only way to make sobriety work.

Soberwolf

Congratulations on 7 days & nice to meet you

luvmygirls

First of all, I think it's great that you don't live with him because that allows you some time to just rest and "be," rather than having to be "on" for someone else. I'm struggling right now with my husband...when I mention being exhausted and wanting to isolate, he's like "still?" (It's been 12 days). It can be very frustrating, especially if your significant other has pressured you to quit and then pressures you to hurry up and recover!

I think berrybean's comment that they can't possibly understand is very astute. From my past (unsuccessful) experience, the worst thing we can do is to put someone else's pressure/influence/guilt above our need to rest and properly heal.

sweetichick

Hey luvmygirls, Its great to find someone in a similar situation. Its day 8 now and I feel half-dead. I got no rest yesterday due to frequent visits from him and then we ended up in a big fight. Then I was up to 11.30 pm trying to calm down without drinking. I think the problem is that my personality changes when I put down the grog. I can't explain exactly how but I'm just not the same; not as pliable for one thing. I hope you feel better soon and your relationship situation improves. I'm starting to doubt whether I can stay with this guy sober. The fighting is just a trigger for me to drink.

Berrybean

Hi Sweetichick, honestly, at day 8 pretty much anyone in the world in my space felt like a trigger to drink, but then, being alone was as well. At first if feels pretty alien to not have the option of relieving discomfort or irritation with a drink, either immediately or knowing itll be there for us later. I remember my AV being extremely active in the first few months, screaming at me or cajoling me me, or goading me on to take a drink. This may not be the best time to make any life changing decisions apart from the daily one to not pick up a drink for today. At the moment you're likely to be feeling all kinds of restless, irritable and discontent. The good news is that it will pass, as long as you stay sober and work on your recovery, so there really is no need to rush in with any job resignations, divorces, separations, house moves, drastic hair cuts, disowning any family members. Take it easy by ensuring that you get some peaceful time away from people who are bugging you and try to keep expectations right-sized and not lose yourself in wishful thinking. This is no time to go Tilting at Windmills, as you will need your energy to deal with first things first - your sobriety needs to be top priority. When that's in place you'll no doubt be surprised how different things look, and then you'll be ready to take on the rest of your world.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety. X

sweetichick

Hey Berrybean, Thanks so much for that post. It was what I really needed to hear right now. I am very restless and irritable. You've given me a lot to think about. I always thought I could easily put down the drink at anytime. Now I'm finding sobriety is a lot harder than what I thought. Its like there's no running away to a bottle when things seem like a emergency.

Berrybean

No problem. Glad to help if I can.

I did find it much easier to deal with the normies and my binge drinking partner (and pretty much everything else besides) once I'd got myself a support network of recovering alcoholics in place. Here and in AA meetings initially, then getting to be closer friends with some of the ladies in AA who I'm comfortable chatting with,and who I can meet up with to do sober recreational activities. I have made some new non alcoholic friends who don't drink, but I never feel quite as relaxed and safe with them as I do with the people who really understand me and how I think.

Hope you have a good sober day today. Stay safe. X

sweetichick

Hey all, My boyfriend came over for an hour today. I had to go out to buy smokes and was busy studying. His mood hadn't improved since yesterday, we had another fight and he said maybe he is constantly irritable. I don't know if I can handle him sober. He called me fat, said my clothes were hideous and was generally abusive. Maybe I have been drinking to wipe it out or his horrible comments out. Don't know what to do as I will be totally alone if I get rid of him. I was sober a few months before I met him and started up again afterwards. Is he a trigger or not? In my heart I think he is.

Vinificent

Early sobriety is extremely difficult and having positive support is essential. It does not seem like your bf can provide that for you right now. There is nothing wrong with putting your sobriety ahead of all else, and if he is putting your sobriety in peril, it may be a good idea to take a break from seeing him until you can sort out what works and what doesn't work in your new clean and sober life.

Don't let a fear of being alone deter you from eliminating the toxic people from your life. Are there AA or other types of support meetings you can get to? The fellowship is priceless and will make you feel much less alone.

Hawkeye13

It does sounds like you were drinking to deal with the feelings.
Nobody has the right to say those things to you, or make you feel bad
for not keeping YOUR house up to their standard.

That you were sober before him, and only began drinking a few months in
the relationship is very revealing.

I agree with others, take a step back and put your sobriety first.
I think you are doing a fantastic job especially since you're feeling
bad physically and also dealing with someone heaping verbal abuse on you.

Do something nice for yourself today--you are worth it

Easy2slip

Congrats on Day 8!

It sounds like you are getting great advice here and hope you will do what's best for you.

Petecrab

Well done on day 8.

Only you yourself can make the decision on the boyfriend situation, it seems like you have already made it.

Staying sober is the key, it gets a lot easier in time, I know that's what everyone says but it honestly does.
Keep up the good work.

PC x

hpdw

Well done on day 8 , it does get better as the days go on . I'm at day 28 and still feel a bit brittle at times but not nearly as bad as 2 weeks ago so it really does get better . I find I like my own company and my flowers the best lol.

sweetichick

Currently on day 10 and having a terrible time. I pointed out to my boyfriend yesterday that I wasn't happy with his abusive comments and that I needed him to leave for the day so I could finish my assessment for college. He came over today for a smoke and then said he wasn't coming back tonight. I don't think I was too harsh on him yesterday just sticking up for myself. I did get my assessment done which is a huge relief. It is good that I am getting a break from him but feel a bit lost. I didn't sleep well last night and know I can't drink to escape today's bad feelings. Yesterday I was in tears. I'm planning on AA tomorrow to at least get me out of here for a while and hopefully find some support. This site is great for support. I hope that the anxiety and panic I am feeling will pass. I just have to ride it out I guess and find some sort of distraction.