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"Are meetings still important"

Old 06-07-2016, 07:21 PM
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"Are meetings still important"

Today I was at a A.A meeting and one of the discussions was " are meetings still important". Every single person that had sober time in the room stated that it is VERY important to them that they still attending meetings after x amount of years because if they don't, well they have a good chance of going back out. They also mentioned that a lot of people who did stop going to meetings did actually go out and drink. some of these people are pushing 40 years of sobriety!

My question is are there people who have been through a.a gotten sober and then moved on with their life ? or do most people go for the rest of their ? Its a hard pill to swallow that I might potentially be going to meetings 30 years from now not that anything is wrong with it but I will be depend on it for my sobriety.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:36 PM
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AA is important to me. F2F w people that have accepted that they are addicted.

Online, here, is relatively new. This is a whole new world that old school AArs are not buying yet.

I have been to 7 meetings in 13 months. I have almost 800 posts here and I have easily read 8000. This place is like an AA meeting, supercharged, minus the F2F, transit time, and gas money.

Still recommend AA though. Can't have coffee with Dee or Anna.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:40 PM
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For me, going to meetings is a way for me to connect. Connection is possible here but face to face is more impactful for me. When I stop going or decrease the frequency it's a warning sign that I need to honestly look at. What's the reason? What is more important? Etc.

All I know is that I need them now. I try to avoid the assumption that going 30 years from now could be something I hate doing.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:44 PM
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I don't get to many meetings. Home group (big book meeting) once a week, meet with sponsor once a week, taking a meeting to a rehab once a month, stray meeting here and there thrown in.

I am happily sober today and do not want to stop attending meetings; I just don't care for daily discussion meetings. I do hang out with mostly sober people for socializing and believe I carry a message of recovery wherever I am.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:54 PM
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i have heard of people who never attended AA and are sober.
i've heard of people who attend AA regularly throughout their sobriety.
i have yet to hear of anyone who once attended AA with vigor and zeal, worked the program and the stopped going to meetings who stayed sober, long term.

the most important person in any meeting is the newcomer....

not the old timer. the old timer is still there to carry the message to the newcomer. to acknowledge and share the gifts of sobriety, to show that it can be done, but always to remember from whence they came. because they are exactly ONE drink away from being that newcomer and they hope AA is still there for them.............
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:55 PM
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I still go, but then again I'm in early recovery (or the back half of early recovery - lol).

NA (and AA) isn't a going to meeting program, it's a 12-step program. That said, I went twice a day for a good part of the first year as I was hanging on for dear life. Today I go two to four times a week, with one that I just don't miss.

Although I keep in contact with my sponsor and a group of close friends in recovery, I also need to show up and see other recovering addicts at meetings. That's one of the places where I find conscious contact with the power of my understanding.

It doesn't seem like a burden. I go to recharge.
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:09 PM
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Thanks guys! I got a good sense of what you all mean. I plan on continuing my journey with a.a
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:11 PM
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Hi zoomi!

I understand where you're coming from.

When I was in early sobriety and completed my 90 in 90, I thought, um, so this is it? This is what I have to look forward to the rest of my life, so long as I shall live, forever after and a day at a time?

When the answer came to me, yup, I have to keep going to meetings because they help keep me sober, something released inside me.

I surrendered.

I still remember the meeting I was at. I'd been looking down at the floor in front of me, feeling a little anxious, not wanting to talk to anybody.
Then I looked up and really considered all the people in the room with me and I thought, "I'm going to be with these people the rest of my life. I might as well get used to it."

Now I'm one of those people too. And it's comforting. If you 'keep coming back' to the meetings, I suspect you'll feel a shift. A life sentence of meetings will turn into a great gift instead of a burden. As they say, it works if you work it.
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Old 06-07-2016, 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted by IvanMike View Post
I still go, but then again I'm in early recovery (or the back half of early recovery - lol).

NA (and AA) isn't a going to meeting program, it's a 12-step program. That said, I went twice a day for a good part of the first year as I was hanging on for dear life. Today I go two to four times a week, with one that I just don't miss.

Although I keep in contact with my sponsor and a group of close friends in recovery, I also need to show up and see other recovering addicts at meetings. That's one of the places where I find conscious contact with the power of my understanding.

It doesn't seem like a burden. I go to recharge.
Yes. This.
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Old 06-07-2016, 11:08 PM
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unfortunately AA has to many self fulling prophesies, my experience is I drank after 20 plus years sober because I wanted to not because I quit going to meetings for me I was not going to use any excuse, I drank again because I wanted to and no regrets. I am happy to be sober again.
Many people get sober and move on with there lives, we will never know the stats but unfortunately the majority of people who come through the doors of AA or any recovery center never experience long term sobriety, that we know to be a fact. Enjoy every day you have sober.
zoomi educate yourself on addiction and the recovery from it there are many paths.
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Old 06-08-2016, 01:59 PM
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I attended a handful of meetings at a couple locations over a couple of weeks about 5 years ago shortly after I quit drinking. I have never gone back. There are other ways, other paths to sobriety. And, to be factual, about three quarters of us who quit drinking do it without any formal program.

Just make a decision that is the right one for you.
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Old 06-08-2016, 02:08 PM
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I know these two guys who are good friends and mentors. One sober over 25 years through AA, one over 30 years through AA.

Both guys go to meetings daily. One works in recovery professionally. The other is in sales - but is a sponsor to many and is there in the program to give back.

I don't personally know any folks who have long-term sobriety that went to AA for a while and then just stopped and moved on with their lives.

In my own life - I have used AA as a core tool in my recovery. I'm over 2 years sober and don't attend meetings regularly at this point, have not formally worked all of the steps. I still go to meetings from time to time. I also still read the Big Book now and again. I intend to formally do all the steps along the way. I have done them all to some degree or extent in my recovery journey.

The takeaway? I don't know. I can say this; the perspective you're likely to get from people in the rooms who have been there a long time is the perspective of people who feel they truly owe their lives to AA. You're going to get the perspective of people who've seen a lot of people come into the rooms.... then fade from the rooms.... then turn up in the obituaries. The perspective you're going to get in the rooms is a humble, fact-based, perspective that is based on a sheer volume of numbers over time. A lot of people come in. A lot of people don't come back. A lot of those people wind up dead or despairing......

Meetings ARE a great tool. Will you perish and relapse and fail at sobriety if you don't go to meetings all the time? No. Not necessarily.

It's down to each of us to find our blend of 'what works' in recovery. But there are a LOT of people who have found meetings to be a pretty essential tool in the toolkit.

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Old 06-08-2016, 04:03 PM
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This is a great topic.

I have found a meeting I truly enjoy and look forward to every MWF that I can go. I supplant it with other meetings (A different clubhouse with more meetings and a different overall "community vibe") that I have more mixed feelings about but think it is important to have both kinds of meetings bc my mentality is that it is always worth going; I can learn something or the acting of going itself is worthwhile.

I hope I always find meetings beneficial. I love hearing from people with 30+ years and hope to be one, if I live that long.

I am also amazed that I just wrote all that because I fought AA tooth and nail for a very long time.

All that said, though, I don't have a strict number of meetings I go to. I notice if it gets low, like only a couple a week, and correct it; four to six is a good number for me each week (I am at 107 days sober), with a meeting with my sponsor added in for book study, and time with at least one program friend, too. As I get more days, and keep rebuilding my life and schedule with work, AA, psych, other obligations, keeping meetings in mind and action will always be on my to do list, somehow.
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Old 06-08-2016, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by zoomi View Post
Its a hard pill to swallow that I might potentially be going to meetings 30 years from now not that anything is wrong with it but I will be depend on it for my sobriety.

That wasn't/ isn't my experience.

I go to a meeting everyday unless I can't.

After >5K meetings, I have enjoyed 99% of 'em.

I have always had a formal service position where I am accountable (missed if I don't show).

I don't see people active in service getting drunk again!

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Old 06-08-2016, 09:36 PM
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I got sober without AA. I've been to enough meetings to know that it's not for me. I went to a non 12-step rehab and we have a weekly meeting online for a year after we leave. Many times we don't even talk about drinking/using. It's more about being able to deal with all of life's issues and curveballs in a healthy manner -- without using our crutch of choice. After all, that's why many people drink....to numb out or cope with problems. This approach works well for me. I'm only 8 months sober so I can't speak for those with long term sobriety. And, as freshstart mentioned, most people who quit do so on their own.
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Old 06-08-2016, 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by uncorked View Post
I got Many times we don't even talk about drinking/using. It's more about being able to deal with all of life's issues and curveballs in a healthy manner -- without using our crutch of choice. After all, that's why many people drink....to numb out or cope with problems. .
If you go to an AA meeting and all they talk about is drinking (the problem) and not the solution, then it's time to explore some different meetings. Yes, there will often be newcomers and other poeple in the room who need to touch base with some identification and mentioning what the problem was can be helpful for that, but no one drives on to happier places only by looking in the rear view mirror. Full on drunkalogues have very limited value without the hope and strength that can come with it when people share what changed and how life gets better through that change.

Luckily for me, I've now got some very healthy meetings that I can attend which are solution focussed, and I avoid the unhealthy ones like the plague.
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Old 06-09-2016, 04:04 AM
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There are a couple of important things to consider. Most problem drinkers will sort things out on their own, this is well established fact. However Alcoholics of my type don't do so well. Of the group (of 10) I went through rehab with (if you could call it that) 3 of us joined AA and recovered. The other seven did not join AA and were dead inside a year. None recovered on their own. I do however mention that we were at the extreme end of the alcohol use disorder scale, suffering end stage alcoholism. This is a small group which AA seems best equipped to help.

On the subject of meetings, I have seen so many people drink over the years to know that meetings alone i.e. mindless passive attendance, does not keep alcoholics of my type sober. That is what the steps are for.

In the long term picture, meetings are a way to practice step 12, giving back to the still suffering alcoholic. That is the most effective way to stay sober. As someone else said, those active in service, and those sponsoring, seem much less likely to pick up.

The interest in meetings seems to come naturally as the result of the steps. I am not sure it can be a forced discipline. Sooner or later we would get tired of that. Most people I have been able to talk to who were thinking of leaving AA after a period, 2-3 years, of meetings based sobriety, tell me they want to leave because they feel they are getting nothing out of it. Nothing has really changed in their lives. Sometimes they change tack and get onto the steps, and then some change starts to happen.

To really guage the effect of meeting attendance on sobriety, one would have to check out why one is going to meetings, what one is doing there, and why one would want to quit.
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Old 06-09-2016, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
If you go to an AA meeting and all they talk about is drinking (the problem) and not the solution, then it's time to explore some different meetings.
Hi Berrybean, I've been to 2 different meetings in my area. One was a general meeting, which turned me off because of all the sob stories. The other was a women's group. The women all seemed really cool there and I could see myself being friends with some of them. BUT, they were reading "the book" and the steps verbatim and, again, it was drinking stories and how they screwed up and were rescued by AA. (Some of their stories were really funny, I have to admit!) I got hung up on one of the steps, too -- the moral failure one. I just couldn't buy in to something I inherently disagreed with. That said, it's my opinion only and many people find solace and support with AA.
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Old 06-09-2016, 09:49 AM
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I know a bunch of people with10 20 30 yrs and they all attribute there sobriety to regular meeting attendance. I want what they have so I do what they do
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Old 06-09-2016, 11:47 AM
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I've been sober 38 years and try to get to one or two meetings a week. Sometimes I might not make it for a week or two, but that's because I'm just to busy. My sobriety is not contingent upon my meeting attendance. It's because of The Twelve Steps and maintaining my spiritual gratitude.

I'm not religious so meetings are a place where I can really take time to reflect on life, and maybe even help someone else.

I know quite a few people who no longer attend meetings and are doing fine. I know a lot of people who go to meetings daily and are doing fine. I also no the case vise versa where some peoples lives are a mess going daily to meetings. And, many more who I never see or hear about again.

The scariest thing is how fast 30 years go by. Life is short, make the most of it. I've found I get more out of life by giving more that I take.
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