A sort of epiphany
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 31
A sort of epiphany
I've been going to as many AA meetings as I can get to and I have a sponsor I am going to start meeting with on Saturday. I haven't done well with the drinking but it occurred to me (sadly - I must be very slow) that no one is going to get me through this but me. And I feel a bit bummed but also relieved in a way. In AA they say to let God remove this desire from me. Well I am waiting but what if God doesn't suddenly intervene and remove my desire to drink? I actually don't think that is going to happen. I think am I going to just have to tough it out and NOT drink and hope that someday it gets easier and I won't even want to drink.
Maybe I am misunderstanding AA. I just don't know. But I know if I don't stop no one else or nothing else is going to stop me.
Maybe I am misunderstanding AA. I just don't know. But I know if I don't stop no one else or nothing else is going to stop me.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Have you got a plan things you will do to remain stopped you get out what you put into your recovery
Anyone can get & stay sober I know that
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Anyone can get & stay sober I know that
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 31
Right now my plan is to go to as many meetings as I can and flat out quit and tough it out.
But I really get scared when I think about never drinking again. I think I have to take it a day at a time or even an hour at a time. I hope that feeling goes away.
But I really get scared when I think about never drinking again. I think I have to take it a day at a time or even an hour at a time. I hope that feeling goes away.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
You can't think about never drinking again. Don't go into it that way or you will surely fail. All we have is today. So, for today I will not drink. Just for today. 
Kudos on hitting up as many meetings as possible. When I was exploring AA early on it really inspired me. Things do get easier the more you embrace your new found gift, sobriety.
Kudos on hitting up as many meetings as possible. When I was exploring AA early on it really inspired me. Things do get easier the more you embrace your new found gift, sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
SpringWater, I came to the same realization. There was no "sober fairy" coming to rescue me, and believe me, I waited. lol
I'm happy to hear you're reaching out for support. That was the key for me.
I'm happy to hear you're reaching out for support. That was the key for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey Springwater
As I understand AA, working the steps all the way through with absolute commitment, is a way to relieve the obsession to drink. That's the spiritual awakening....the higher power (or God...whatever works for you) being a part of that process. When AAers speak of 'getting into action', that is where the process really starts to work. When I'm new, getting into action can mean cleaning up after a meeting, making coffee before meetings, basically whatever is needed. Being WILLING. That action evolves with the eventual goal being sponsoring other alcoholics. I believe that is where the 'magic' happens...if it can be called that.
Some people will describe a sudden lifting of the obsession. The realization that drinking is never going to be an option again. It has been my experience, and this is just anecdotal, that these folks generally have fallen so low (me for example) that they have no other choice and finally realize that. I'm sure that's not always the case, but that's what I've seen. Those that struggle more in the beginning are still learning. I can learn in recovery (listen to others, take direction, be open to suggestion) or I can learn through relapse (get beaten to a pulp and hopefully live to see another opportunity to get sober). The choice is mine.
My experience? Waiting for a magical ah ha moment? Aint gonna happen. So yes, persevere, accept and surrender.
As I understand AA, working the steps all the way through with absolute commitment, is a way to relieve the obsession to drink. That's the spiritual awakening....the higher power (or God...whatever works for you) being a part of that process. When AAers speak of 'getting into action', that is where the process really starts to work. When I'm new, getting into action can mean cleaning up after a meeting, making coffee before meetings, basically whatever is needed. Being WILLING. That action evolves with the eventual goal being sponsoring other alcoholics. I believe that is where the 'magic' happens...if it can be called that.
Some people will describe a sudden lifting of the obsession. The realization that drinking is never going to be an option again. It has been my experience, and this is just anecdotal, that these folks generally have fallen so low (me for example) that they have no other choice and finally realize that. I'm sure that's not always the case, but that's what I've seen. Those that struggle more in the beginning are still learning. I can learn in recovery (listen to others, take direction, be open to suggestion) or I can learn through relapse (get beaten to a pulp and hopefully live to see another opportunity to get sober). The choice is mine.
My experience? Waiting for a magical ah ha moment? Aint gonna happen. So yes, persevere, accept and surrender.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: toronto, on
Posts: 7
I recently came to the same conclusion!
During my last drunk someone that cares about me was trying to help and I could see that they were frustrated that they could not and they were saying things like "Can I help you get rid of the alcohol, get you into detox? Do you need validation or encouragement? I know that you have what it takes and I know that you know what you have to do." When I got that message I realized that I was the only only one that could help me right then and there, I needed to get off my lazy beep and stop waiting for someone to come and save me. I stopped drinking then and while I was going through withdrawal I realized that that applied to my recovery in general; I cannot sit around and wait for someone to swoop in and save me.
I have been in and out of AA for about 14 months and I have gone through the steps 2 times and I keep waiting for the cravings to be lifted as it is said in the big book but it has not happened. I realized that because I was waiting for the steps/program/path/work/action to magically remove the cravings I was giving myself an excuse to not fight them with everything that I had
Yesterday the cravings came on something fierce and I recognized the point where I would normally have given in to them and I remembered that no-one was going to come to save me, that I needed to do it myself, so I toughed it out and made it through, without drinking.
During my last drunk someone that cares about me was trying to help and I could see that they were frustrated that they could not and they were saying things like "Can I help you get rid of the alcohol, get you into detox? Do you need validation or encouragement? I know that you have what it takes and I know that you know what you have to do." When I got that message I realized that I was the only only one that could help me right then and there, I needed to get off my lazy beep and stop waiting for someone to come and save me. I stopped drinking then and while I was going through withdrawal I realized that that applied to my recovery in general; I cannot sit around and wait for someone to swoop in and save me.
I have been in and out of AA for about 14 months and I have gone through the steps 2 times and I keep waiting for the cravings to be lifted as it is said in the big book but it has not happened. I realized that because I was waiting for the steps/program/path/work/action to magically remove the cravings I was giving myself an excuse to not fight them with everything that I had
Yesterday the cravings came on something fierce and I recognized the point where I would normally have given in to them and I remembered that no-one was going to come to save me, that I needed to do it myself, so I toughed it out and made it through, without drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 242
You are on right track Spring.... This is ON YOU!
For me... Sobriety was not just a choice I made. It was a commitment I made not to drink.
Will it be forever? Who the heck knows? But I can take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Which is much much easier on my poor brain. I can deal with the 1 day thing ....
I can drink again... sure.
But I know it will F up my life and bring much pain to me.
It isn't about anyone else... or anything else.
This is on ME.
Hope this makes sense.
I quit after a long long time of drinking and other stuff.
7 weeks on Fri!!
You can do it !
For me... Sobriety was not just a choice I made. It was a commitment I made not to drink.
Will it be forever? Who the heck knows? But I can take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Which is much much easier on my poor brain. I can deal with the 1 day thing ....
I can drink again... sure.
But I know it will F up my life and bring much pain to me.
It isn't about anyone else... or anything else.
This is on ME.
Hope this makes sense.
I quit after a long long time of drinking and other stuff.
7 weeks on Fri!!
You can do it !
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 242
Originally Posted by Strawman3125 
Yesterday the cravings came on something fierce and I recognized the point where I would normally have given in to them and I remembered that no-one was going to come to save me, that I needed to do it myself, so I toughed it out and made it through, without drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Strawman3125
I recently came to the same conclusion!
... I realized that that applied to my recovery in general; I cannot sit around and wait for someone to swoop in and save me.
... I realized that because I was waiting for the steps/program/path/work/action to magically remove the cravings I was giving myself an excuse to not fight them with everything that I had
... I realized that that applied to my recovery in general; I cannot sit around and wait for someone to swoop in and save me.
... I realized that because I was waiting for the steps/program/path/work/action to magically remove the cravings I was giving myself an excuse to not fight them with everything that I had
I have an analogy of balloons which works (helps) me - I release my balloons to God. Sometimes they are pink and pretty and my main thoughts are of gratitude (for something specific, just for sobriety, just for believing in (my) God...) and sometimes they are black and heavy and I am pretty sure they won't even float. But I send them to Him and try my best to go on with my day. This is one way I surrender because I darn sure know I can't do this myself; it took me a LONG time to realize and admit that.
Don't beat yourself up. Baby steps - you are already wrestling with the edges of admitting you need help to unburden (and as most of us might say, keep being unburdened). Keep going. This is a lifelong process, done a bit at a time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
