Day 4
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 197
Day 4
It's the end of day 4 and my Pyschiatrist agreed that because I had remained abstinent through the weekend that she'd start me on Campral. It is supposed to control cravings. I haven't really had any yet but I'm sure I will.
I know without a doubt the hardest part of staying sober will be accepting the indentity of a person who doesn't drink. No one even noticed through the weekend but I'd like to kind of keep it that way. i mean I'd rather have the identity of a non-drinker than an alcoholic and there's my bottom line right there, just identifying that the most difficult part for me will be adjusting to that. I said it out loud at a charity meeting I chair this evening - someone left a half full bottle of wine on my kitchen counter at the close of the meeting and I caught up with her at the door and returned it and said "thank you for bringing this, everyone enjoyed having a glass considering how long this meeting went but please take the rest home to enjoy yourself because I don't drink." First time I said it and it felt just fine.
It isn't just about being sober it's about adopting the identity of a non-drinker and I'm going to think about how best to transfer my identity that way.
I think I just said the word identity about a zillion times.
Anyway, great day at work, honest session with my therapist about the first four days, and good volunteering meeting tonight with open wine for others and no cravings for it. And no AV telling me one glass would be okay.
Warm milk before bed. Much nicer than knocking myself out with two bottles of wine.
Thanks all and goodnight
I know without a doubt the hardest part of staying sober will be accepting the indentity of a person who doesn't drink. No one even noticed through the weekend but I'd like to kind of keep it that way. i mean I'd rather have the identity of a non-drinker than an alcoholic and there's my bottom line right there, just identifying that the most difficult part for me will be adjusting to that. I said it out loud at a charity meeting I chair this evening - someone left a half full bottle of wine on my kitchen counter at the close of the meeting and I caught up with her at the door and returned it and said "thank you for bringing this, everyone enjoyed having a glass considering how long this meeting went but please take the rest home to enjoy yourself because I don't drink." First time I said it and it felt just fine.
It isn't just about being sober it's about adopting the identity of a non-drinker and I'm going to think about how best to transfer my identity that way.
I think I just said the word identity about a zillion times.
Anyway, great day at work, honest session with my therapist about the first four days, and good volunteering meeting tonight with open wine for others and no cravings for it. And no AV telling me one glass would be okay.
Warm milk before bed. Much nicer than knocking myself out with two bottles of wine.
Thanks all and goodnight
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Hi Water,
Congrats on day 4! Keep going, it gets better and easier as time goes on.....
Don't worry about the "identity" of a non-drinker. Believe it or not, most people don't even notice......they don't question or ask.
You don't have to explain anything. Just order a non alcoholic drink while out, and YOU know and are very aware that you are not drinking, but most people are not! In a little over 18 months I have only had one person press, WHY am I not drinking?
And this is only because she wanted to drink more, and didn't want to look bad....
SO ENJOY and don't worry about others!!!
Congrats on day 4! Keep going, it gets better and easier as time goes on.....
Don't worry about the "identity" of a non-drinker. Believe it or not, most people don't even notice......they don't question or ask.
You don't have to explain anything. Just order a non alcoholic drink while out, and YOU know and are very aware that you are not drinking, but most people are not! In a little over 18 months I have only had one person press, WHY am I not drinking?
And this is only because she wanted to drink more, and didn't want to look bad....
SO ENJOY and don't worry about others!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Day 5 today right? Congrats.
I'll just share what your post brought up for me. May not apply to you at all. I always struggle with 'who' I really am. Am I good enough? What will people think of me? Growing up my Mom even directly told me I was different and needed to 'try' to fit in...especially with respect to men because I was 'too smart'. So a life time of trying to be something I'm not. And finding alcohol initially helped me feel a part of, like I fit in. Oh and I liked getting drunk. In recovery it is my job to be the best me I can be, whatever that is. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or believes, it only matters what I think and believe. No projections or performances. No game faces. Just me. If that's not enough for someone that's ok. Just has to be enough for me.
You're doing great.
I'll just share what your post brought up for me. May not apply to you at all. I always struggle with 'who' I really am. Am I good enough? What will people think of me? Growing up my Mom even directly told me I was different and needed to 'try' to fit in...especially with respect to men because I was 'too smart'. So a life time of trying to be something I'm not. And finding alcohol initially helped me feel a part of, like I fit in. Oh and I liked getting drunk. In recovery it is my job to be the best me I can be, whatever that is. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or believes, it only matters what I think and believe. No projections or performances. No game faces. Just me. If that's not enough for someone that's ok. Just has to be enough for me.
You're doing great.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 197
I guess I just worry about being left out or excluded (so high school) from activities - although I suppose the fewer activities I'm around with boozing the better.
It's also that I'm a known chef/foodie - people identify me with elaborate dinners with perfectly paired wine. In no way do I want to go back to being a drinker but the gourmand thing. is a part of my life I'm saying goodbye to.
I do know a pretty famous chef who gave it all up 2 years ago after a heart attack. And still participates in the indulgent God scene.
I've been thinking recently about how many bathrooms at work I locked myself into and passed out in. Shudder. Not going back to that.
It's also that I'm a known chef/foodie - people identify me with elaborate dinners with perfectly paired wine. In no way do I want to go back to being a drinker but the gourmand thing. is a part of my life I'm saying goodbye to.
I do know a pretty famous chef who gave it all up 2 years ago after a heart attack. And still participates in the indulgent God scene.
I've been thinking recently about how many bathrooms at work I locked myself into and passed out in. Shudder. Not going back to that.
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