Starting over
 

My partner - I now have to say EX - slowly revealed to me she "was drinking too much". She also told me, "things have to change". And that was about all the detail I got. This all started as I lay in a hospital room recovering from a year of cancer treatment, multiple surgeries, and complication from a major infection that just about killed me. Another year went by with the status of our relationship ill-defined and me struggling to understand. All she would say was that I was depressed. It took me a few months - to recover enough from the cancer to get to a therapist - actually three (the first two told me I was ok) before I found one who helped me get out of the major depression. My partner left me - didn't want to try and find a way to recover our 15 year relationship. It has been so hard to understand how we could build our life, have 4 children together - and she just walked out without wanting to try. During this time, I find she is an addict - addict to alcohol, and pulls. Now after a year and a half since this nightmare started, I find I'm addicted to pills - first to help with the bone pain from cancer, then to help me sleep after she left me, now I think it's the better thing than just calling it all quits. I find myself almost 50 with 4 kids I only get to see every other week - the only person I ever trusted or loved has left me at my most vulnerable point in life - and I can't decide if starting over is something I want to do.